Todd Unctuous on Hobby Lobby

Guest blogger Todd Unctuous is top commentator for MSM. With a degree in Media Studies from Scranton Community College, Todd writes for many papers and websites, and is known for his incisive writing, objective reporting and razor sharp comment.

As we prepare to celebrate the Forth of July vacation this weekend I am deeply concerned to find that a small group of rich white Christian men are persecuting women in their businesses by denying them proper health care. I have heard that the owner of Hobby Lobby insists that his female employees sign a contract assuring him that they are not using contraceptives in any way. This is an outrageous demand and I stand with the courageous Sandra Fluke and Hillary Clinton in protest against the domination of women by white men. These women should have free contraceptives so that every man who wants to can have sex with them so that they will not be dominated by men.

I have always been in favor of equal rights for women. In the office environment it is always nice to have the hard work brightened with a cheery smile, a little bit of skirt and a sandwich. I am told that some women are bright enough to rise to high positions of leadership. Hillary Clinton has shown that with a bit of assistance from her husband a woman can even become a Senator. Or maybe even a President one day.

We must be perfectly clear. The Supreme Court decision in favor of Hobby Lobby is a cruel blow to women’s rights. Women are being told, “Back to the kitchen. Your supposed to be barefoot and pregnant don’t you know?” It is no wonder that the judges who voted against women in this way are all men. In fact they are all white men with the exception of the one African American who is not white.

I notice also that three of the judges who voted against women are Roman Catholic. This brings me to my next point: the Pope in Rome. When Pope Francis was first elected I was delighted. Here is a man who took the name of one of America’s most iconic and popular singers, Francis (Frank) Sinatra. In the first year of Pope Francis’ reign he set new standards. He kissed children and washed the feet of prisoners–one of which was a woman! Like many I thought, “Here is a pope who is breaking the mould.” I could almost hear him singing like his namesake, “I Did it My Way!”

I should have known better. It is true that Francis does not wear the red Gucci shoes and does not go about in yards of expensive lace and brogue vestments like his German predecessor. However, he does live in a modern and well equipped suite of rooms in a custom designed “guest house.” Why doesn’t he live where most popes have lived? Wasn’t that good enough for him?  I suppose it is because he found it not to his liking. He could have lived in the crumbling, old, sparsely furnished rooms in the centuries old apartment with poor heating, drafty windows, showers that don’t work, a shared toilet down the hall, and crumbling frescoes by the Ninja Turtle Raphael, but no, he elects to live in a modern, up to date, comfortable suite of rooms fully equipped with a chapel, central heating, a restaurant and his own toilet and modern shower. Then he pretends that he is doing so out of a love of poverty.

We have seen through this pope. Jesuits are known for being politically savvy. They have always had good PR people to assist them, and Pope Francis is no different. His new Public Relations officer is named Greg Cardinal Burke. He is an American who (surprise surprise) has worked for Fox News. A member of the highly secretive religious order Opus Dei, Burke is a celibate man who does not have sex with anyone. He is known for wearing the cappa magna and being an arch traditionalist.  No doubt Cardinal Burke is a secret misogynist and homophobe, Burke is engineering Francis’ public relations machine to fool the world into thinking this pope is different from the others.

But is he? He pretends to be caring for the poor and downtrodden, but what has he done for the women who work for Hobby Lobby? What has he done to help Hillary Clinton who is struggling financially? Has he written to Sandra Fluke to encourage her in her campaign? No. He has said women cannot be ordained as Catholic priests and laughed at the idea of having a female cardinal in the Church of Rome. Has he encouraged the pop singer Madonna to consider ordination to the Catholic priesthood? No. Despite the fact that she and Oprah Winfrey are clearly very spiritual women he has neglected them. And what about the courageous women who have already been ordained as Catholic priests? Has he taken them under his wing and sent them to Pope Benedict for some advice on the proper vestments to wear? No. He has not only ignored them, he has made sure they were excommunicated.

This new pope has done nothing to help women except to say that they are beautiful, gentle, kind and loving. What an insult! This is typical South American machismo speaking. If this pope wanted to help women he would approve contraception and abortion so that they could take control of their own reproductive health. If he wanted to help women he would come to the rescue of the nuns in American who are being persecuted for their religious faith by their own religious leaders! Instead he says the Virgin Mary was a great woman and all women should be like her. This is an insult to all women everywhere who do not wish to be forced to wear blue robes all the time.

Hobby Lobby is a rallying cry for all women. I am the first to support equal rights for women and have always believed that they were smarter than they look. A good example  of this is the devout Catholic Nancy Pelosi. She shows Catholic women that it is perfectly possible to be an intelligent, good looking woman and to succeed in Washington DC. Nancy Pelosi has not apologized for her cosmetic surgery because she is equal to Joe Biden or John Kerry. All three have realized that a smart appearance is worth paying for and have not been hypocritical about it. All three realize that cosmetic surgery and being a good Catholic and supporting abortion takes courage of your convictions and a certain amount of good old Jewish chutzpah.

I am not myself a religious man, but I have great respect for religious leaders like the Native American Elizabeth Warren, the actress Princess Grace Kelly and Vice President Michelle Obama.I believe Barbara Streisand is also very spiritual. And Cher. Let these women stand up for women everywhere and take down this wicked Hobby Lobby decision!

Todd Unctuous is forty-two.

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