How Not To Teach Your Child About Modesty

Okay, read this, for starters. 

(5/25 edit: thankfully, Catholic Mommy Blog has edited out the worst parts of the article from yesterday; the quotes in this one are from the original piece.)

“Please Comment. What other important factors can you think of when discussing modesty with your child?”

*hand raise* I have a few comments, but I don’t think they’d fit in your combox. I’m gonna discuss them here. okay? You’ll get some free publicity out of it, and I’m gonna get a lot of angry commentators. I think we can both live with that.

First of all, why is your daughter at the playground sliding down a slide in a skirt? Why isn’t she in a nice sturdy pair of overalls, or some jeans? You could circumvent a lot of awkward situations by dressing her in appropriate play clothes that allow her to play. That’s what play clothes are for. Young enough to frolic at the playground is too young to have to worry about holding down a skirt at all. Give her some overalls. For Lord’s sake, you could even give her some culottes if you must. Even the most modesty-concerned folks are usually okay with culottes. It’s a fun word to say, “culotte.” It sounds like something out of Lovecraft.

Now, it could be that your daughter is one of those little girls who just really loves skirts, and never wants to wear anything else, and that’s fine. You can get her a nice pair of shorts to wear under the skirt, or some pretty lacy bloomers if she thinks shorts are too boyish. Heck, get her a culotte-slip. No, I don’t get any kickback from the American Culotte industry for these links. Kickbacks are immodest.*

And if she’s so little that she tantrums about wearing anything under her skirt? Wow, sounds like she’s three years old. And the little girl in the photograph for your article looks like she’s three years old too. Three-year-olds don’t need to hold down their skirts, because three-year-olds are NOT SEXUAL AT ALL. Three-year-olds’ panties accidentally flashing on the slide are not in any way immodest because THREE-YEAR-OLDS ARE NOT SEXUAL. A healthy person will neither be embarrassed or enticed by a three-year-old’s panties. Someone having a sexual feeling about a three-year-old’s panties is a deeply disturbed individual who isn’t supposed to be within 30 feet of a playground. That person sounds more like a pedophile. And you won’t protect your daughter from pedophiles by teaching her to hold her skirt down. If she holds her skirt down, the pedophile will think she’s being coy. Sexual predators at any age are NOT a modesty issue. Modesty is not rape prevention.

Going on down your list, I immediately come across this gem: “When discussing covering up certain body parts, be sure that your child understands that there is nothing wrong with these body parts. God made them and they’re beautiful, but we don’t show them to other people unless that person is their husband or wife.” Well, thanks for making every trip to the doctor’s office into a shame-inducing experience, Catholic Mommy Blog. And when my little one was three, I still had to help her bathe and wipe after going potty. Maybe there’s some kind of modest remote-wiping technology I don’t know about because I never read Catholic mom blogs, but somehow I doubt it. Maybe it’s sold by the same people who make and sell culottes.

Items 2 through 4 miraculously manage to not get my dander up. I agree that it’s reasonable to tell your children that there are some things they’re not allowed to do even if some people are. It’s a way better answer than shaming the people who dress differently or saying they don’t respect themselves. And I appreciate that “you have to be okay with your child dressing modestly.” Why else would you have your child dress modestly? Unless of course you feel peer pressured into certain behavior by mommy blogs, in which case come sit over here and I’ll tell you about the time I went ‘poo-free for the summer and the time I tried oil pulling. Of course dressing modestly doesn’t mean dressing ugly or unfashionably. I find it mildly amusing that you keep quoting an MD pediatrician in these bullet points, though. How does she conduct physical exams if she agrees that genitals are only for spouses?

And Item Five is good as far as it goes, too. Of course, modesty is more than how you dress. Of course modesty is about how you act. So much needs to be said about modesty in act, but so few write about it. It’s all about skirts and culottes and freaking out over genitals. And of course, those things have a relation to modesty. But why can’t someone just sit down and talk in a non-ridiculous way about a Catholic’s duty to modesty, and about how we can do that without sexualizing toddlers at the playground?

I’m the last person to claim I can talk in a non-freakish way. But I at least know to not sexualize toddlers. Let me give it a try. Kids: it’s very important to respect others and to respect ourselves. There are many ways to do this: how we act, how we speak, and even how we dress show respect for others and for ourselves. The special ways in which we respect others and ourselves are not made up by just one person; they come from the place we live in, from our history, and even from our faith. That’s why people in different countries might dress very differently from each other. One of the ways we respect ourselves and others is by keeping some of our body parts covered up. These parts are not bad, they’re good, but they’re called “private parts” because we keep them private like a secret, except when we’re at the doctor or in the bathroom or something like that. If someone other than your parents or a doctor asks to look at or touch your private parts, you should say “no” and tell Mommy and Daddy right away. Until you are older, your parents can help teach you which parts you’re supposed to keep covered by your clothing, so listen to them. Other than that, don’t worry about it. Jesus loves you.

There.

(Image via pixabay)

*I do, however, get a modest kickback from Amazon, and I think these modest skirts are just darling: