Black Friday and Love – UPDATED

I wondered why things seemed so “quiet” on the internet and then remembered, oh yeah – Black Friday. I give all due credit to those hardy souls who are willing rise from their after-Thanksgiving exhaustion to brave the stores – particularly those awful “earlybird” sales – and get a large bit of Christmas shopping done. I tried it one year and decided, no. My abhorrence of crowds and my sense of personal dignity just couldn’t allow me to be herded about or shoved into running crowds to get 25% off on a sweater my niece probably would wear once.

I once actually saw two women quarrel over an item, just like in the movies, while Christmas shopping. I was very young, and knew everything at the time, so I blamed it on American materialism and its corruptive influence on the soul. Materialism CAN corrupt the soul, of course – as can capitalism untempered by compassion – but as I’ve matured, I’ve come to reject the easy and cynical course that finds “America” and its values to be at the core of every negative situation I encounter. Instead, I have decided to think of the aggression of the battling shoppers to be rooted in vulnerability. They’ve decided they want to purchase a particular item for someone they love. Perhaps this is how they express love. Perhaps they believe, subconsciously, that this is the only way they can be loved back. Perhaps this is a budgeted item and the only way they can afford to purchase it is at a heavily reduced price and – because they love – they’re willing to fight for it.

Looked at in this way, the “crassness” of all of this consumer excess seems less clear, and one finds oneself – as one does all too often, if one is paying attention – in the middle of yet another Holy Mystery. Love is the highest human aspiration, but when it lacks anchoring in something bigger than itself, it tends to drift a bit and take on some detritus (doubt, hurt, anger, self-hate) that gets into the workings and distorts the navigation, a little; in that case, suddenly love can lead us away from, and not toward, our best selves. And then where are you? You’re tugging on a toy with another shopper and sending all sorts of messages to your family and to the world-at-large, that you never intended to send. About yourself and your values, about your society, even about your nation.

Our excesses are usually rooted in love that has been somehow hurt or hurtful, and our healings almost always come about in surprising ways, if we simply allow God in and work diligently to follow his lead.

And you can boil that down to almost any situation. If you can realize that the reason you’re overdoing it at Christmas is because you know no other way to demonstrate your love, or know no other way to curry the love of others for you, you can let go of the “perfect” gift and – letting your center get quiet a little – go find another one that may end up being even more “perfect.” If you can admit that the reason you overindulge in other areas of your life, whether in food, drink, drugs, possessions is rooted in that same sort of my-love-got-dented vulnerability, you can curb the behavior – stop yourself in mid -bite, mid-drink or mid-purchase to ask, “what kind of love is this rooted in, what am I trying to prove, or fix. Can I, just for this moment, hand this off to God and ask him to lead me, another way, back to the perfect, undented, un-warped love that was always meant for me, was always my inheritance?”

Looking at things in this way gets involved, though; it certainly is easier (and more expedient) to indict crazy Christmas shopping (and Black Friday) as a symptom of all-that-is-wrong with your nation or your society. No wonder we fall back on “blame the crowd and keep pushing” right?

(UPDATE – frankly after reading this terrible story where shoppers took the hinges off the door and trampled a worker to death, maybe looking into the sorts of damaged hearts I so blithely wrote about can just get too scary. Ed Morrissey has more thoughts)

I can’t do the crowds, and while I know we’ve talked more than usual about shopping this season (and that’s odd when you consider the economy) I thought I’d point out a few sales going on, give you some first-hand feedback on things and also – if you still need ideas – let you know what some of your fellow Anchoress-readers have been purchasing.

Do you remember the other day I wrote about these Friendship and Jerusalem Stones? The My Stone Company was nice enough to send me a sample of their Jerusalem Stone, which is kind of neat. I don’t know what the stone is; it’s very, very white – that sun-bleached white stone that defines Jerusalem – and the Company says it is hand-cut there. I like the presentation; the stone comes with a drawstring bag and a nice card, and the box has shots of Jerusalem on it and reads: “Made in Israel.”

My first thought was, what a great gift for a pastor (or a rabbi in Hannukah) or a favorite priest, a Sunday School teacher, or really anyone you know who tries to walk with God. A piece of the Holy Land in your pocket. I’m going to order one for a priest-cousin of mine and one for my barking-sheepdog priest.

The stone folks were also kind enough to send along a few samples of their Tiger’s Eye friendship stones (they come in a box, with a drawstring bag and a nice card) and I must say they really are quite beautifully polished and presented – they have a gorgeous and deep luster and their just the right size for carrying around – not so big as to be intrusive or weighty in the pocket or handbag, not so small as to be confused with pocket change. They’re quite pretty and make inexpensive Christmas gifts, and if you buy either the friendship or Jerusalem stones in bulks for 24 people in your life you receive 25% off!

The company also sent me a necklace made with a rather large stone (if I can, I’ll get my husband to take a picture and post it so you can see) – it’s also a tiger’s eye – but as every stone is different it has a completely different look than the others. This one was mounted on a chain via the back of the stone, which is how – I assume – all of the necklaces are mounted, as the stones are left intact. I’ll ask the Company about whether the size of the stones is random or if one may order something “smaller” or “larger.” They’ve got a Black Friday Special through Nov. 29th.

(UPDATE: From the Company: “[All of the necklace stones are mounted from the back] so that the wearer can continue to touch and look at the stone from every angle. It was critical for us to not have it wrapped or have holes in it. We have several different sizes, so one can choose between small,medium and large. The larger stones are very special, as one can not find these large stones anywhere else of this quality.”)

The Nuddle Blanket that shows up in my right sidebar is offering a holiday discount, which I’ve tagged on below the ad.

For those of you still on the fence with the Mystic Monk Coffee, all I can tell you is that I brought a bag with me, yesterday, to my in-law’s and those family members thus far unexposed to the best coffee in the world all gushed over their after-supper brew. I’d brought the Mystic Monk Blend, which is a little lighter than the Hermit’s Bold Blend I prefer. My poor MIL rolled her eyes at me and said, “thanks for bringing this, now I’ll be making coffee all night…and you didn’t bring espresso, did you?” Shame on me, I’d forgotten.

I don’t buy many toys, but I’ve had a lot of fun perusing the Amazon Toy List.

As to what some Anchoress readers have been filling stockings with at Amazon, take a look! You guys give great ideas!

Amazon.com Widgets