She cannot come out to play until she has finished her work.
Apparently, she spent an unholy amount of time last night, playing on something called Twitter, which sounds insipid, flightly, unhealthy, sinful and vulgar. She did this, furthermore, after being expressly forbidden to enjoy herself until her assignments were completed. Because she is a slothful, inattentive, disobedient and lazy flittertigibbet of a girl, she will not be permitted to play here with you on this devil’s machine until she has done her work, or I will beat her until you hear her high c’s from Shanghai to the Aran Islands!
And you get to work, too, young masters and mistresses, or I will find you! Don’t make me use this ruler!
Psssst…..pssst, Lizzie?….pssst!
I have a plan….I’ll slip Sr M&M some Irish creme in her hot milk. I’ll git t’bottle when I git home fer lunch. I know where m’dad keeps it. She’ll be singin’ Danny Boy in no time ‘n’ crying in her sleeve.
Then we ‘scapes.
I’m cracking up and I will pray for you. That’s one mean-lookin’ nun.
I’d come and help you escape, but I’m afraid of Sr. Mary Menace’s ruler. That things HURTS! Okay, okay, so I deserve it for goofing on the ‘net when I ought to be working. Is it *my* fault that I’m on terminal hold?
Praying for you, Lizzie. And thanks for the laugh.
Last month I attended a class reunion where tales of trying to outwit the nuns were a main topic of conversation. My summation is that the nuns won: my classmates have turned out OK and they have a wonderful sense of humor.
OMG, you are HILARIOUS!!! Of course, I knew that already. This just cinches it! LOL. Just hurry up, cuz we can’t do without ya.
I will pray for divine inspiration and nimble fingers for you to get that divine inspiration down on paper, or the ethernet, whatever is needed.
All A-Twitter
Some say it is bold,
Some say it is sweet,
But I am too old
And I can not tweet!
My thoughts are a jumble
My mind is a mess
The thoughts just won’t tumble
At one-forty or less!
If you think you are smart,
If you think you have wit,
Please take this to heart
And don’t be a TWIT!
You are SO funny! Boy, I’m glad I’m not Catholic so I don’t have a Sr. standing over me… just my boss. Come to think of it, he’s probably worse!
Lizzie! Stop your whining! Knuckle down for 15 minutes, pour some coffee and work another 15. You would be done already if you spent as much time working as you do whining!
Oh!, it’s Sister Mary! For a moment I thought it was Sister Victoria from seventh grade English come to track me down. Whew! What a relief…
Sr. Mary Menace may be mean, but at least she’s not writing fast-and-loose translations of “Adoro Te Devote” — “We know you love us Jee-ee-sus,/And we like You too./Hear us at Your Tay-ay-ble,/Playing the kazoo . . . ” etc — like Sr. Dolores Pantsuit.
I have an idea. We can sic Silvio Berlusconi on Sis meanie and that’ll give her pause.
We love you Lizzie and want you out here playing with us!
Your newly rejuvenated (and utterly irritating) friend Gayle wants you back! Doggone it that roto-rooter job on the arteries in my neck has unleashed a real pain in the old bucket!
Well, I’ve had to teach all day and practice with students who don’t know their music, so I’m glad someone else is suffering, as well. I just had a student write to say, “I’ll practice with you on Wednesday for the Friday recital!” I wrote back and said, “today is Wednesday and I don’t have time to stick around after Chamber Singers to rehearse with you…see you before the recital on Friday, and I hope all goes well!”
I must be the only non-Catholic who actually went to Catholic school (sneaked or I would have gotten it at home) on my own the half day I was not in kindergarten.
Sister Cecelia was much nicer and had a more pleasant face than your Sister Mary!
PS, My grandmother was born Catholic and then the family converted to Baptist. Grammie told me she got rapped on the knuckles with the ruler more than once and said it did hurt!
Still laughing my head off.
Iranian diaspora heads for New Yorkj to confront Ahmedinejad
They should give him a slapping from me.
Not only am I a bitter enemy to theocracy & dictatorship, but I personally knew an Iranian who thanks to this country’s braindead immigration system was deported, despite being an exceptionally bright (&, yes, exceptionally attractive) girl who could have contributed a great deal to this country.
This is why I support a points-based system for immigrants (yes, including asylum seekers, I don’t think we can take in even them as have a genuine case in every instance, & now more than ever we can’t absorb unskilled workers with a limited command of English).
But I would have this girl still amongst us- not only does love break down boundaries, so does good old-fashioned lust
Excellent stuff anyway on The Lede. My views on what “should be done” over Iran differ somewhat from yours & are less “interventionist”, though I would say as we had the same ends at heart.
HA!!! I remember Sister Mary Menace very well, she was the principal at Little Flower in D.C. Very,very funny. (You, Anchoress, not her).
Lizzie, stop yer yakkin’ or I’ll come whackin’, to be sure!
I just came back from adoration, did you feel yourself lifted??
Katherine
The soul of wit
Lizzie, you are too funny! Sr. Mary Menace looks like Barney Frank in a habit. With that thought in mind, that should be enough to keep anyone focused on the assignment. Good luck, get your work done.
Lizzie,
Sr. Mary Menace would not be so mad if you would stop throwing spit wads at her back and writing snide comments on the blackboard during recess.
Maybe this will help you refocus.