OK, first thing we need to do is dispel the myth that staying at home and raising family is a ‘luxury’…

… Last time I checked there was absolutely nothing luxurious about the lifestyle of home-makers. So let’s just stop using that word right now.

I know a lot of women, and not a few men, who have nobly chosen to stay home and raise their children. They have opted out of receiving paychecks for their labors, instead receiving scorn from classist elitists who think they sit around and do this all day…

When in reality, the day of a stay at home mother looks something more like this…

Every single household I personally know where one parent works and the other stays home with the children struggles under the crunch of one income. They are the thriftiest people you’ll ever encounter and McGyvers with left overs and scraps of outgrown clothes.

What is this "luxury" of which you speak?

I think the word you are looking for is “sacrifice“.

These families chose to make sacrifices so the other can be home and available for the children. They go without new cars, new clothes, fanciful tech toys, and vacations. So let’s stop pretending that all stay at home mothers are rich white women driving Lexus mini-vans to shuttle the kids to their riding lessons. Sure, those women exist, but their numbers are fewer than you’d think. Let’s also stop projecting our jealously and resentment on the majority of good and noble woman who’ve made huge sacrifices for their families and stop insulting them with this word “luxury” which belittles their efforts.

Personally, I think all this shrieking is really about resenting the “luxury” of having a traditionally modeled family. Logically, for one parent to stay at home with the children there has to be a second parent available to work and provide income. Unless you are collecting welfare there is no other way for a single parent to stay at home with their children.

So which is it? Do you dislike the fact they chose to make sacrifices for their families or are you irked that aren’t divorced because it would appear those are their only crimes.

Do feminists even grasps the irony in their bashing and tearing down of other women? I know. I know. They are all for women’s choices as long as it’s choices they themselves would make. They can be more domineering than the men they claim oppress them. Geesh.

The problem is not traditional families and happy homemakers. The problem is the fact that so many marriages end in divorce and more children come from divorced homes than not. Men walk away from their children without batting an eye. We’ve become too selfish and place our own needs and wants above all else.

That, and everything is so damned expensive.

Even when there are both parents available the simple fact is that two incomes may not even be enough to afford the basics anymore. Gone are the tax breaks for married couples, you are almost financially punished for being married. The government most certainly suspends benefits the minute you have another wage earner under the roof. Everything about the welfare state system is viciously pitted against marriage. It encourages men to not be responsible for their own children.

So if you want to get all righteously indignant about your “woman war” start there with the legislation you support [read Democrats] that cripples the traditional family and forces – yes, forces – women to give up being there for their own families because they cannot find any other way to feasibly put food on the table.

It would be nice for once if feminists showed women a little love from time to time and stop all the sneering.

About Katrina Fernandez

Mackerel Snapping Papist

  • TotusTuusFamily

    “I think all this shrieking is really about resenting the “luxury” of having a traditionally modeled family.  ”   What I was thinking, too…threatening.

  • Cathy

    You are the best!  You nail it everytime.  I love re-posting your blog on my facebook.  I am encouraged that a young woman, alive in the Church is so articulate, passionate and aware of the culture that she can see what is happening.  You go girl@TotusTuusFamily:disqus   Keep it up!
     

  • http://twitter.com/byzcathwife priest’s wife

    “Personally, I think all this shrieking is really about resenting the “luxury” of having a traditionally modeled family. ”   YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/LYIDILPJQCWWXVFCPRRSNNNBRU ElizabethM

    Thank you! Thank you! The Holy Spirit indeed inspires.  Yesterday was a “God handed me penance” day and I was loosing my mind.  Your post helped remind me why my vocation is Motherhood. 

  • http://sainteasy.blogspot.com/ Paige

    Single moms COULD afford everything they wanted, if only they had had that darned abortion! That would have taken care of ALL their problems!! *rolls eyes*

  • Amy@Diapeepees

    I get your point. And I’m certainly anti-feminist mentality. And I’m also a stay at home (whose not at all rich). But, can I just tell you that I feel every day is a luxury. I feel like I have the most perfect life in all the world, a life that works on my family’s schedule and not on my work schedule. It is truly truly luxurious. Even with all the wild children shrieking!

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

      Yes, as a mother every day is a luxury with our kiddos. Thank you for the nice family affirming comment. 

  • http://thehomesickhome.blogspot.jp/ L.

    Here’s an inconvenient truth: There’s no shortage of bona fide, self-described feminists who CHOOSE to be stay-at-home moms, and raise their kids themselves.
    I was one of them, for many years.  And then I went back to fulltime outside work (entirely by choice, NOT economic necessity), so I can say I’ve been on both sides of what is a truly ugly divide.Believe me, those who want a “traditionally modeled family” do NOT have a monopoly on being SAHMS — just as not all WOHMs are sneering feminists. 

    When I heard Rosen’s poorly chosen words that Ann Romney “never worked a day in her life,” I thought it was about economics more than values.

    Ann Romney’s choice to stay at home was a valid one, that many (I would even say most) feminists support. But her choice came without the economic compromises — and sacrifices — that the vast majority of stay-at-home parents make.

  • Lovethelord

    I think when some people say “luxury”, they’re not necessarily saying that mommy has a life of luxury, they can also mean that hubby makes enough money for that to be an option, implying that enough money is the luxury part.  Some families actually have to have both parents working.  The ability to not have one working, in the eyes of many, is the luxury part…. and this is saying nothing about mommy living a life of luxury.  Really.

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

      Yes, I think that is what I said…

      “Personally, I think all this shrieking is really about resenting the “luxury” of having a traditionally modeled family. Logically, for one parent to stay at home with the children there has to be a second parent available to work and provide income. Unless you are collecting welfare there is no other way for a single parent to stay at home with their children.
      So which is it? Do you dislike the fact they chose to make sacrifices for their families or are you irked that aren’t divorced because it would appear those are their only crimes.”

      • Lovethelord

        If both parent’s are  very low income makers, and one income is not sufficient, then both have to work.  No matter how thrifty you are.  I personally know people in this situation, and it’s not a matter of sacrifice, it’s a matter of being able to pull it off.

        This situation compared those who can pull it off and have enough means to make their thriftyness work, is a luxury (comparatively).  And one isn’t meaning it in a snarky or mean way by describing it like that.  It’s like, the fact we can have 3-square meals a day, etc, etc, is a seeming “luxury” to someone who may only get one bowl of rice per day.  Is one being mean or disregardful to those who get 3-square meals a day?  Nope.  It’s a valid way of describing the two.

        I in general agree with you, but I don’t in all cases (since my anecdotal experience shows this to me).

        I’m not irked by anything, I’m just pointing out an obvious anecdotal example that doesn’t fit your blog.

        • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

          I hate to be redundant or rude, but did you read the post? I addressed this. 

          Here… 

          “Every single household I personally know where one parent works and the other stays home with the children struggles under the crunch of one income. ”

           and here …

          “That, and everything is so damned expensive.

          Even when there are both parents available the simple fact is that two incomes may not even be enough to afford the basics anymore. Gone are the tax breaks for married couples, you are almost financially punished for being married. The government most certainly suspends benefits the minute you have another wage earner under the roof. Everything about the welfare state system is viciously pitted against marriage. It encourages men to not be responsible for their own children.”

          Your point is well taken and it does indeed fit perfectly with my blog.

  • Angela Pea

    *clapping loudly*  YES!!

    In our home, the luxury is that I have a college education, a license to practice engineering and the choice of working outside the home once our babies were no longer babies.  The burden is not so heavy on Mr. Pea in the financing of our numerous  offspring’s Catholic School educations and now their college years as well.  

  • Apstemp

    “Men walk away from their children without batting an eye.”

    That is untrue.  You have an open mind, so you might look into the stories of all the men that have been de-familied through the divorce courts.  Women file 2/3rds of all divorces.  They often keep the house, and make the father pay child support while denying access to his children.

    It is very saddening, and ruins many men.

    best,


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