Nobody has ever died from not having sex…

… One of the first lessons I learned as a young woman was that just because a man sexually desires you does not mean he loves you. It’s a hard lesson for so many girls to learn. “Why would he kiss me if he didn’t like me”? He kissed you because boys like to kiss. Girls like to kiss too, but for completely different reasons. Girls kiss because first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Suzy with a baby carriage. A boy will kiss simply because some girl let him.

Somewhere through the course of our young adulthood we begin to understand that sex does not equal love, most especially promiscuous sex. I think as adults here reading this right now we can, in fact, all agree with that statement. Sex does not equal love. Sex does not equal love. Sex does not equal love.

If anything sex is the ultimate physical manifestation of pure married love. I add “married” because those are my beliefs, which you are free to disagree with – I care not. But we can all agree that sex is ultimately designed as a manifestation of love and for the procreation of children. We want to have children with people we love – typically. Sex without love is; however, a manifestation of nothing other than some raging hormones, chemically stimulated pheromones, and maybe some alcohol.

Can you have love without sex? Of course you can! Think about all the important people in your life right now that you love dearly. Are you having sex with them all? Ew. Creepy. Of course you aren’t! Having sex with someone is not the only way we show love. If you think it is you may have a very narrow and perversely warped definition of what true love is.

Where does this idea come from then, that in order for us to be loved we must be having sex and that if we can’t act on our physical urges then we must be lonely?

Does it come from society? I think so. It’s society that is sex obsessed not the Church. The Church makes statements regarding sexuality in defense of society’s sexually saturated assault against human dignity.

Let’s look at what society’s meaning of sex has reaped. For the better part of the past 50 years, after the Sexual Revolution, we have millions of aborted babies and their wounded depressed mothers, rampant STDs, broken homes, a high divorce rate, pornography, and sexualization of children. It is safe to say that all this sex without love and marital commitment has proven that the Church has been right all along. Humanae Vitae clearly foresaw all these moral declines. Free love, sex without love and outside the bounds of marriage, has made us more depressed than ever. [pick a source, sadly there's plenty to chose from]

I would also like to reiterate that sex isn’t some disease you will die from by not having lots of it. Sex is not a medical emergency. You will no more die from lack of sex any more than you are doomed to a life of lonely, depressing, sadness because you are not sexually active. Believe me, I understand the basic human desire for physical intimacy. I am not a robot devoid of emotions. I am a single Catholic woman who struggles with celibacy and, at times, sexual frustration. I have always been frank about my life as a single person and the struggle that entails. I don’t recall every once haughtily admitting I was above temptation.

Homosexuals, as well as single people [myself included], are called to live lives of celibacy. I can think of a hundred worse ways to live. It is hard, yes, but the difficulty of my situation has not killed me or made me utterly miserable. In fact, of all the trials an individual must suffer to endure not having sex is a pretty shallow, first world problem. Food, shelter, clean drinking water, sex? Priorities, please.

Yes, I may not be having sex but that is only one very small aspect of my life. I am not defined by whether or not I am sexually active and who I am sexually active with. I am a Catholic. A Puerto Rican. A mother. A daughter. Niece. Cousin. Writer. Killer of plants and vegetation. An artist. A very poor violinist. A friend. A best friend. A burner of dinners. A partner in crime. A person with many many interests, likes, and hobbies.

Just as I am sure homosexuals are not solely defined by who they have gay sex with. If they made their own list it would be just as long as varied as mine. First and foremost they are humans and deserving of dignity. Our Church actually says so. Contrary to popular belief, neither myself nor the Catholic Church hate gays or want them to suffer lonely miserable lives…

[CCC2358] The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.

just practice chastity; which is what myself and millions of other people on the planet not having sex are doing – and not dying from it, might I add. In fact, it’s quite the opposite of misery and death, this not having sex. Instead of having premarital sex I am doing a whole bunch of fun things like not worrying I may be pregnant [because abstinence is the only 100% effective method of birth control] or have a STD. I am not dying from HIV. I’m not worrying if that night meant anything to him. I’m not feeling used. Or confused. I am not feeling like I compromised my dignity for fleeting moments of passion and all that other nastiness and guilt that comes along with sex outside the realm in which God intended.

But mostly, and this is the best ever, I am free of physical attachments that typically complicate relationships. To say that the absence of sex in my life has made things considerably easier and complication free would be a monumental understatement. It’s, and I mean this quite sincerely and honestly, one less damn thing I have to worry about.

To summarize, sex does not equal love. You can show love for someone without having sex with them. You can experience love and happiness without sex. And you do not have to live alone, miserable or lonely just because you are not having sex.

About Katrina Fernandez

Mackerel Snapping Papist

  • http://www.facebook.com/jchathaway John C. Hathaway Ocds

    For the most part, I agree, except for the point in the title.   You
    often hear stories about extremely devout religious and single people
    people who died suddenly of heart attacks at relatively young ages. 
    When we consider the inter-relationship between arousal mechanisms and
    the circulatory system, and the relevant hormones, it is indeed likely
    that

    1) some people who find complete continence comes more naturally to them
    have that experience because of a cardiovascular defect that inhibits
    their arousal mechanisms

    2) others by represssing the arousal mechanisms cause damage to their
    cardiovascular systems (which is a perfectly acceptable sacrifice to
    make, from a Christian viewpoint)

    or

    3) similarly, aesthetical practices used to repress arousal might be self-destructive.

    By saying this, I’m not arguing for hedonism or arguing against chastity
    for the sake of the kingdom.  I’m just saying that the “Nobody ever
    died from not having sex” argument kind of misses the point and opens
    itself up to refutation should it be proven that someone *did* die from
    it.  Chastity is supposed to be a sacrifice, even to the point of death, and it *should* be such a sacrifice, otherwise it’s meaningless.

    • Christian LeBlanc

       I was thinking of Nun’s Disease.

      • Marty

        That only has to do with being childless. There are many women who have sex but never give birth.

    • Future Doctor

       Um…as someone 1 year away from being a doctor, I feel the need to add that this is completely wrong.  Smoking gives people heart attacks.  Bad genetics (e.g. HOCM) gives people heart attacks.  Emotional/Psychological restraint does not give people heart attacks.  Also, while cardiovascular problems can lead to ED, it in no way reduces one’s capacity for arousal.

      But don’t mind me.  Let’s all listen to the guy making sweeping generalities and broad claims off a couple anecdotes.

    • Marty

      No. But many people die from STD’s, including AIDS.

  • http://thehomesickhome.blogspot.jp/ L.

    Some of us think society has gotten much better in the last 40 years, not worse. And some girls just like kissing — without the love, without the babies. Not everyone wants the same things.

    As I said on another of your posts, you clearly have a lot of self-discipline to back up your words with your actions, and live your life according to your beliefs. My beliefs are not aligned with yours, but I think chastity is an admirable way of life for those who choose it for all reasons.

    I am, in many ways, your sexual opposite — and yet I, too, don’t believe I am defined by whether or not I am sexually active. 

    But I do believe society defines me as “who I am sexually active with,” meaning my legal partner. In fact, even my visa status in the country I live in is determined by my marital status. No husband, no residency permit. 

    This isn’t religious at all, but you know what the sexual lifestyle debates remind me of? The childbirth debates. Whenever I’m a group of moms and I say the words, “elective c-sections,” a certain percentage of women in the room start to avoid me like the plague.  They chose natural births, and believe that all women should make the same choice, or else there is something wrong with us if we choose differently. Some of them say, “I suffered horribly, but I got through it and it was worth it — and if I can do it, there is no excuse for you not to do it.”

    Again, not everyone wants the same things.

    • http://twitter.com/moderncomments Modern Comments

      Moral relativism abounds, apparently.

      • http://thehomesickhome.blogspot.jp/ L.

        I used to proudly claim I was moral relativist, until someone challenged me on that, and after a long discussion, I was forced to re-define myself as a situational ethicist. But my core values are certainly secular and humanist.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003586781928 Magdalene Prodigal

          I am sorry for you.

          • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_LYGUGSPODDFQALP7DZO5VECZDI Therese Z

            I’m sorry for L, too. Shifting sands that you are in charge of keeping under your feet are tiring to walk on.

          • Summer

            Indeed they are. It takes a lot of guts to walk your own moral path, and I deeply admire anyone who chooses this path instead of remaining a sleep under the narcotics of religion.

          • JTLiuzza

             You have it exactly backwards.  “Walking your own moral path,” as it were, is for cowards.  It is easy.  You make the rules.  Whatever suits you.  Worship of self and of your own conscience, no matter how ill formed.  That’s the real narcotic.  The notion that I am my own god and the ultimate arbiter in the whole universe of what is true and what isn’t.  It’s stupid, weak, and the road to nowhere.

            What takes guts is following the Truth.  Not your delusional concept of truth which is of your own making but the Truth.  It will be hard.  You will be challenged beyond what you think you can endure.  It will be like, well how can I put it, like carrying a cross.

            Or you can reject all that and continue to put yourself and your final, definitive notion and judgment of all things at the center of your existence, and at the same time shake your head at fools like me who struggle.

            I seem to recall something about wide, smooth roads, and narrow, craggy roads.

          • http://thehomesickhome.blogspot.jp/ L.

            I do not shake my head or think you’re a fool, or call you “smug” for your convictions.  It is admirable to form convictions and stick to them. My beliefs and convictions are very different from yours, but I follow them just as firmly.You will win no one’s heart by calling them “stupid and weak.” But I have a feeling that was not your intention here.

          • JTLiuzza

            Those were exactly my intentions.  I am not moved by people who pretend wounded. 

            And it is much more than simply admirable to form convictions.  It is our duty.  But there are convictions that are correct, and those that are dangerously incorrect.  Which have you formed?  How do you know?

            Do you believe in heaven?  How do you get there?  Do you decide what the rules are?  Are you the arbiter of truth?  As you put it, what you do is “enough for me.”  But is that enough for He who will judge?  You better be sure.  Literally everything depends on it.

            He didn’t just leave you on your own. He sent His Son to offer you all that you need and He said up front it wouldn’t be easy. What is fine with you is irrelevant. It matters what’s fine with Him and that’s the only thing that matters.

          • http://thehomesickhome.blogspot.jp/ L.

            Believe it or not, I agree with some of what you said — I just disagree that any benevolent supreme being would possibly reveal the present sexual teachings of the Roman Catholic Church. 

          • JTLiuzza

             The Roman Catholic Church is right because She is the bulwark of Truth established by our Lord.  Part of bearing the cross is to seek to understand  as She, in Her love for us and guidance by Her founder, begs us to understand.  It takes work, and prayer, and grace which is available through the Sacraments.  But He gave you all you need.  You have a mind and a heart which seeks Truth.  I think you will find it.  It is such a wonderful journey.  I will offer tomorrow’s Rosary for you, for your peace, and for you finding not just happiness or contentment, but the joy that is intended for you.  Already I am convinced that you will obtain what is intended for you by He Who created you and Who loves you beyond all measure.  God bless you.

          • http://thehomesickhome.blogspot.jp/ L.

            Good for my calf muscles. Helps me run faster.

          • JTLiuzza

             And here we come to the end where you reveal yourself as a smug, self satisfied, smart alec.

            Can’t run forever, L.  Eventually we all reach the finish line.

          • http://thehomesickhome.blogspot.jp/ L.

            Interesting — why “smug?” Because I said I am a “happy person, grateful for my many blessings in life?” I am indeed very self-satisfied, and prepared to reach the finish line at any time, knowing that I have lived as honest, productive and loving a life as I could. This is enough for me.  

            I’m not sure why I’m a “smart alec” for responding to people who say they’re “sorry” for me, which I admit I found  condescending at first, but decided that perhaps the sentiment could have been well-intended.

          • JTLiuzza

             Who gave you those blessing, L?  And what does He have to say?  You have made my point.  You are self satisfied.  How do you put it?  It is “enough for me.”  Is it enough for Him?

          • http://thehomesickhome.blogspot.jp/ L.

            Yes — I believe I am living according to what I believe God wants from me.

          • JTLiuzza

            You believe you are based on what?  Your own ideas of truth?  I’m not trying to be argumentative with you.  You seem thoughtful.  Maybe what God wants from you is not what you think He wants from you.  I hope that you find seek His favor and I will pray for you (I actually already have) and please pray for me, a humble sinner.

          • http://thehomesickhome.blogspot.jp/ L.

            See above 
            for my reply!

          • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

            L is indeed very thoughtful. She is one of my favorite “commie commenters”.

            :P 

          • http://thehomesickhome.blogspot.jp/ L.

            Thanks, but I am a capitalist!

          • http://thehomesickhome.blogspot.jp/ L.

            JT, I’m replying here to your comments both above and below, so as not to render them too teeny-tiny to be readable.
            I am always profoundly grateful for all prayers on my behalf, when offered with sincere good intentions. I thank you, and I will certainly say some for you, too. 

          • http://thehomesickhome.blogspot.jp/ L.

            Why? I am, overall,  a very happy person, grateful for my many blessings in life. 

    • aearon43

      I think everyone does want to expereince some kind of fulfillment or else they would likely be suffering from some form of mental illness. The Church’s argument is that chastity outside of marriage ultimately leads to a more fulfilling life than indulgence.

      And also your visa status is determined by your marriage, not your sexual partner.

      • http://thehomesickhome.blogspot.jp/ L.

        But my marriage is determined by my sexual partner. Chicken, egg……

        • Dplunkt

          L, No, many people have sex without getting married. Your sex life does not determine your marital status. There’s no chicken and egg here; just choices.

          • http://thehomesickhome.blogspot.jp/ L.

            My sex life certainly does determine my marital choices. I would not have married someone with whom I did not also want to be a sexual partner. Again, chicken, egg. 

            I think you’re making a slightly different point, because is true that sex can be separated from marriage. I am saying that sex  is, except in some rare circumstances, a component of marriage. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003586781928 Magdalene Prodigal

      Well there is the matter of SIN which is an offense against God. Sex outside of marriage (one man, one woman) is sinful.  This is not our final resting place and one day we will all meet our Maker.  The Commandments are not mere suggestions.  We are accountable for our actions.

      And we have seen the results of sexual license and it is bringing down our society. 

    • Corita

      Hi, L!  I agree with you about kissing.  Desire is very strange and complicated, and affected by so many factors.  Hormones is only one.

      • http://thehomesickhome.blogspot.jp/ L.

        Hi, Corita. I can only speak for one human, about reasons for kissing. It didn’t always have anything to do with “love…marriage…baby carriage.” In fact, I was avoiding the latter two of those for as long as I could hold out. Men and women in general are hardwired differently, but no two bodies are exactly alike and respond exactly the same way.

  • Christian LeBlanc

    “Married love” is what I call sex in my catechism class, as in: “King David had married love with someone he wasn’t married to.”
     

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

      And the word adultery never came to mind? 

  • Iris Celeste

    Kat, I love your blog, but I disagree slightly.  Though I agree that gay individuals professing to be Catholic need to attempt to be chaste (though the Church does recognize they are only human and make the sacrament of reconciliation available just for that purpose…)  Whatever faith an individual professes, that individual should be trying to follow the precepts of the faith.  And though the State has no business telling a Church what it should and should not accept, I think it is in the best interest of the State to accept gay civil unions if you don’t want to call them marriages.  By its very nature, homosexual behavior tends to be promiscuous.  It benefits the State to encourage monogamous behavior for economic and general public welfare reasons.  It controls sexually transmitted decease, which can become a burden on the medical resources of the State.  (The State should be encouraging monogamous relationships, period, whether homosexual or heterosexual…)  Actually, the Church and State need to encourage more fidelity in marriage.  Heterosexual marriage has become a joke!

    Iris Celeste

    • Henry Bowers

      Iris, the State actually has no interest in promoting same-sex unions, because of the demeaning message it sends to actual marriages:  “You, men, can be replaced.  You are inessential to your families and spouses, and the actuation of your sexual organs is ultimately a pleasure-experiment.”  The argument for curbing promiscuity is the same, ironically, that Elizabeth Smart’s captor told her:  I need you so I won’t hurt any other children.  Clearly, the promiscuity-curbing argument only works in the type of relationship that would be fulfilled by the begetting and raising of children; same-sex unions have no intrinsic (e.g. sacrificial married love) reason to pursue chastity, but only extrinsic (e.g. disease) reasons.  The intrinsic goods of marriage are what cannot be synthesized, and which the State has its highest interest to exclusively promote.

      • http://www.facebook.com/nicolas.burbach Nicolas Burbach


        same-sex unions have no intrinsic (e.g. sacrificial married love) reason to pursue chastity, but only extrinsic (e.g. disease) reasons.”

        Tell that to Paul’s church in Corinth – the purpose of sex in marriage (according to this letter) is to stave of the passions – i.e. wholly extrinsic, whereas chastity is touted as ideal (1 Cor 7 1:39)

        • Henry Bowers

          Yes, it is better to dissipate passion within marriage than without, but why is that?  It is because promiscuity jeopardizes a real good that a person can obtain:  becomming biologically one with another (with trust that the occurrence might repeat) is good for the human person, and forming the type of community that would be fulfilled by childbearing is good for the couple, the state, and the child.  Thus, whether claiming civil endorsement or not, same-sex couples neither gain nor lose any intrinsic good by such endorsement, and they dispel the goods of marriage by their sexual activity in either case.

          [Because it is often disputed:  biological oneness occurs when two organs cooperate for one function:  my heart and lungs enact oxygenation of the blood for a single organism:  me.  Because one cannot "sex" by oneself, when reproductive organs are co-actuated during coitus, _the subject of that activity is the couple_; they have become biologically one as the subject of coitus.  Same-sex couples never achieve this.]

        • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FEZHMYFJPJZIWYZC2LPHBZVBYQ Jason

          Most people ignore what Paul immediately said after he made the statement – about not all people being “gifted” as he was. Paul basically said “Hey, if you are like me and have a gift of basically not being plagued by sexual distractions then this is the best that life can get”. Paul didn’t say that it was best for the person with an active sexual desire to try and starve that desire and live as he was doing.

  • Fats

    during a point in my life when i was feeling particularly lonely the thought came to me, maybe i should become a Priest. The next day, He introduced me to the love of my life, that was 36 years ago. Apparently God figured he had enough problems without me being a Priest.  

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FEZHMYFJPJZIWYZC2LPHBZVBYQ Jason

      I found in life that it’s often when we decide to “throw in the towel” that God moves in our lives. He definatley seems to work in the 11th hour.

  • B.K. Dolan

    I think you might be confusing the terms chastity and celibacy.

    • Fats

      naw, i was both at the time

  • polycarped

    “He kissed you because boys like to kiss. Girls like to kiss too, but for completely different reasons”.

    Wow – what a sweeping generalisation – and ever so slightly sexist. Imagine if we changed the subject to women drivers…hmmm…I wonder how well that would go down…

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

      Not a sweeping generalization at all.  Women form chemical bonds with people we are physically intimate with. We are physiologically hardwired different than men when it comes to sexuality and developing relationships. 
      http://www.onenewsnow.com/Perspectives/Default.aspx?id=567964

       

    • Mary

      Generalization, yes.  But suprising accurate.  Boys and girls are different and denying those differences is doing an injustice (just as is forcing limited gender roles) to the children.

    • JTLiuzza

       Rather than just do a drive by mindless, “Wow.  That was sexist.”  How about make a point and explain like an adult your problem with the statement?

  • Saltine

    I totally agree with Katrina.  Chastity really is pretty simple in it’s truth – of course, simple is not the same as easy.  .  .I just wish everyone knew this!  Especially after just seeing some of the protest signs from the recent March Against The War On Women – gems like “Pregnancy Is Not A Punishment For Having Sex” and “I Will Bleed On Everything You Love (w/o birth control)”.

  • Mary K.

    My mom used to tell me the lines that boys would use to get a girl to have sex with them. Lines such as,”if you really like me, you’ll have sex with me.” How about this as a retort girls-”if you really love me boys, you’ll buy me shoes, jewelry, etc.” Lol.

    • amit

      simply one word for you
      get yourself fucked

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Saul-AlinskyRules/100000226965399 Saul AlinskyRules

    “Think about all the important people in your life right now that you love dearly. Are you having sex with them all”
    Ew.  Seriously.  That is so Gross.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4hPeYhRUBQ

  • doughboy

    instead of saying “homosexuals” i’d recommend saying “persons with same-sex attraction.”  saying “homosexuals” infers the condition is a state of being and incontrovertible, which it is not (it *feels* like it is, but it’s not).  just a thought.  

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

      Good point. 

  • nitnot

    I horrified my 17yo by telling him there is no human or civil right to have sex.  :-P

  • Ed

    Amen sister!  You hit it out of the park once again. I love your blog. You admit  you  face  temptation, but your  faith in God sees you through.  Not  all men  and women think  like  you. You are a real gem. Keep on posting!  

  • ds

    I am a Catholic. A Puerto Rican. A mother. A daughter. Niece. Cousin. Writer. Killer of plants and vegetation. An artist. A very poor violinist. A friend. A best friend. A burner of dinners. A partner in crime.

    What is this part your catholic singles profile?  It should be, I’d ask you out.  You once said I just don’t want see you happy (and yeah I was mean, sorry girl) but the truth is I wanna freak dat and I know it can’t never happen.

    • dwduck

      “I wanna freak dat”

      And they say chivalry is dead…

  • James McLaughlin

    Great article and great quote:“Why would he kiss me if he didn’t like me”?

    Great answer: And, this is why the Catholic Church infallibly teaches a prohibition against stimulated kissing and even much affectionate kissing between unbinded persons.

  • Lauren

    It is a different situation for gay people, because the Church does not ever allow marriage or sex for them. So comparing that to the circumstances of a young single woman is not the same at all. Imagine meeting someone you love and desire to marry, and not being able to do so. Then it’s not a question of pre-marital sex. It’s like being told that you were called to be single even though you realize the opposite.

  • Missy Reilly Smith

    W.A.K.E.U.P. is a great movement to restore to society the virtues of chastity and
    purity. All those in the pro-life movement know that efforts to stop abortion are only
    a band-aid on the problem of slaughtering the most innocent human beings ; babies in
    and now out of the womb.  The answer is to plant the seeds and practice the virtues of
     chastity and purity in our very young and our society to return to the virtues of chastity
    and purity.  This article is excellent and we would love to share it !  Our website is
    wakeupnet.net

  • O.V.C.

    I just want to say I liked your post!

  • JAGreene86

    There’s
    three points that you made that I’ve been saying for years:

    1.
    Nobody has ever died from lack of sex.

    2.
    The Sexual Revolution has had 50 years to show it’s impact on the
    world.

    3.
    “Deep-seated” homosexuality is nothing more than a
    developed struggle…as everyone has a “deep-seated”
    struggle.

    As
    you have clearly defined all three, I’d like to elaborate the three
    points a little bit…if you don’t mind.

    1.
    Even if there is a case that people die from lack of sex, there are
    way more people who die from too much sex. Ever wonder why Viagra
    says that “make sure your heart is healthy enough for sex”?
    Because…apparently, it’s a risk for people with bad hearts (both
    literally and metaphorically) to have sex. This is not even touching
    the subject of several thousand different STD’s and such.

    2.
    There is a obvious connection between the Sexual Revolution and the
    divorce rate. They’ve actually shown studies…in areas that make
    contraception most available, the divorce rate is higher. Also, with
    couples who devoutly practice Natural Family Planning (which Planned
    Parenthood should start thinking about teaching if they want to
    actually do what their name indicates), the divorce rate is 2%.

    3.
    Everyone struggles with something. I have not met a human being that
    doesn’t struggle…and if they truly aren’t struggling with
    something, then they’re struggling with relating to the world. This
    is not to say that God “chooses” what we will struggle
    with…but I think we subconsciously choose our struggles. I use this
    argument with the question: Are people born gay? Alcoholics? Drug
    addicts? Or do they develop into it? Also, can an alcoholic become an
    alcoholic if they never drink a drop of alcohol? As studies have
    shown, there are certain people who have a higher ability to be an
    alcoholic than others…I think this is the case with homosexual
    activity (and even a lot of heterosexuals). Homosexuals actually have
    more sexual partners per person than heterosexuals. But, again, our
    idea of sex comes from society…they saturate it, especially for
    homosexuals. They say “it’s ok to have sex…here, let me show
    you how to do it” and they do this with porn and movies. People
    love porn, because they’re like “I want that…why can’t I have
    that?” Society is telling homosexuals “you have the right
    to have sex, just like everyone else…so indulge”, but that’s
    like telling an alcoholic “you have the right to alcohol as
    everyone else…so indulge”. Only a person with a strong will
    can reject even their greatest desires…it’s not suppressing it,
    it’s just never choosing to give into it until it’s the right
    time…even if that time is never.

    Homosexuals
    and consecrated singles do have a lot in common…they both share the
    struggle of wanting sex and intimacy…and that is the struggle that
    they share. Just like I struggled with ADD and depression, I relate
    to people who struggle with those two things…as well as I can help
    offer them help for those who want it…but it does no good to hover
    over their head and say “I’m better than you, so you should
    listen to me”. I found it is more productive to ask “what
    are you going through right now?” and go from there. I pray for
    the Spirit to give me the right words to say to them. Whether I’m
    able to fully relate to them or not, I am a human being, and I have
    compassion for them.There’s three things that Christians
    should preach: Love, Love, Love. The highest grade of love; the
    truest grade of love; the purest grade of love. Everything that
    Catholics believe comes down to that…anyone who thinks otherwise is
    misinterpreting Catholic Doctrine.The article did a great job
    exploring that aspect, and I just want to highlight and emphasize
    that.

  • JAGreene86

    There’s
    three points that you made that I’ve been saying for years:

    1. Nobody has ever died from lack of sex.

    2.
    The Sexual Revolution has had 50 years to show it’s impact on the
    world.

    3.
    “Deep-seated” homosexuality is nothing more than a
    developed struggle…as everyone has a “deep-seated”
    struggle.

    As
    you have clearly defined all three, I’d like to elaborate the three
    points a little bit…if you don’t mind.

    1.
    Even if there is a case that people die from lack of sex, there are
    way more people who die from too much sex. Ever wonder why Viagra
    says that “make sure your heart is healthy enough for sex”?
    Because…apparently, it’s a risk for people with bad hearts (both
    literally and metaphorically) to have sex. This is not even touching
    the subject of several thousand different STD’s and such.

    2.
    There is a obvious connection between the Sexual Revolution and the
    divorce rate. They’ve actually shown studies…in areas that make
    contraception most available, the divorce rate is higher. Also, with
    couples who devoutly practice Natural Family Planning (which Planned
    Parenthood should start thinking about teaching if they want to
    actually do what their name indicates), the divorce rate is 2%.

    3.
    Everyone struggles with something. I have not met a human being that
    doesn’t struggle…and if they truly aren’t struggling with
    something, then they’re struggling with relating to the world. This
    is not to say that God “chooses” what we will struggle
    with…but I think we subconsciously choose our struggles. I use this
    argument with the question: Are people born gay? Alcoholics? Drug
    addicts? Or do they develop into it? Also, can an alcoholic become an
    alcoholic if they never drink a drop of alcohol? As studies have
    shown, there are certain people who have a higher ability to be an
    alcoholic than others…I think this is the case with homosexual
    activity (and even a lot of heterosexuals). Homosexuals actually have
    more sexual partners per person than heterosexuals. But, again, our
    idea of sex comes from society…they saturate it, especially for
    homosexuals. They say “it’s ok to have sex…here, let me show
    you how to do it” and they do this with porn and movies. People
    love porn, because they’re like “I want that…why can’t I have
    that?” Society is telling homosexuals “you have the right
    to have sex, just like everyone else…so indulge”, but that’s
    like telling an alcoholic “you have the right to alcohol as
    everyone else…so indulge”. Only a person with a strong will
    can reject even their greatest desires…it’s not suppressing it,
    it’s just never choosing to give into it until it’s the right
    time…even if that time is never.

    Homosexuals
    and consecrated singles do have a lot in common…they both share the
    struggle of wanting sex and intimacy…and that is the struggle that
    they share. Just like I struggled with ADD and depression, I relate
    to people who struggle with those two things…as well as I can help
    offer them help for those who want it…but it does no good to hover
    over their head and say “I’m better than you, so you should
    listen to me”. I found it is more productive to ask “what
    are you going through right now?” and go from there. I pray for
    the Spirit to give me the right words to say to them. Whether I’m
    able to fully relate to them or not, I am a human being, and I have
    compassion for them.There’s three things that Christians
    should preach: Love, Love, Love. The highest grade of love; the
    truest grade of love; the purest grade of love. Everything that
    Catholics believe comes down to that…anyone who thinks otherwise is
    misinterpreting Catholic Doctrine.The article did a great job
    exploring that aspect, and I just want to highlight and emphasize
    that.

    • JAGreene86

      …sorry about the format…I copied and pasted my response…apparently it didn’t translate well…I apologize if it seems like I’m emphasizing certain words or using words as headers for a paragraph. Try to ignore that, and if not, hopefully it won’t distract too much from what I’m saying.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FEZHMYFJPJZIWYZC2LPHBZVBYQ Jason

      I agree with lots of your arguments but there are some holes. First of all studies have shown that men who do not have regular sex (and I am not counting in masturbation) are at much higher risk of developing  prostate cancer. Many other studies have shown that people with healthy sex lives (single partner) are more physically and emotionally healthy. As I said in another post I hate it when people make life and death comparisons about things that have nothing to do with life and death. Too little water and you will dehydrate…too much and you will suffer a cerebral edema. It’s a faulty comparison that only illustrates that life is based on balance and too much of anything is bad. There are many more people who die from dehydration than cerebral edemas and that simple fact does no more to support any point than does your original argument.
      Your statements about the sexual revolution I have no argument with. At the same time I think the church in general ahs conttributed much to the problem. When I was growing up sex was a topic that no one including those in the church ever talked about. It was up to families and done behind closed doors. As a result Hollywood began to be the sole definer of sexual norms and values. By the time the church finally began to address the issues it was too late as the damage was done.

  • Peters John48

    Katrinba…I just love your blog.  This is the first time I’ve read it, and I will defintely be back.
       Love your humour, love your good sense.

  • KM

    I completely respect your decision not to have premarital sex. Please respect my decision to have premarital sex; my religion teaches that sexuality isn’t sinful. Your religion teaches differently. I help the poor, I care for my family, and I am a woman who likes to have sex. As long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, and as long as I practice safe sex, I don’t see how that should be anyone else’s business or how it could logically have any detrimental effect on society at large.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FEZHMYFJPJZIWYZC2LPHBZVBYQ Jason

      I for one repect your decisions whatever they are. Just please don’t ask anyone to give their blessing or nod of acceptence.

  • Thimbo

    The difference between you and homosexuals is that you can someday expect to have non-sinful sex; a homosexual is never permitted to have any sort of sexual intimacy with anybody.

    They may not technically “die from no sex”, but the decades of guilt, depression, and potential suicide definitely shorten millions of lives. 

  • http://ideasaboutgodandtheworld.wordpress.com/ Alejandro

    Good article. This society is really obsessed too much with sex that it has lost it’s real sense, that is, the maximum expression of love possible, and it has relegated it to something more than just a tool for pleasure. As buddhism puts it, it just creates more pain even if it does give temporal pleasure.

  • lroy77

    Thank God, that’s ONE way I won’t die.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FEZHMYFJPJZIWYZC2LPHBZVBYQ Jason

    A good piece but, I would warn you against painting everyone with a broad brush especially one based upon your own experiences. I have found that regarding sex drives, not one size will fit all. A sex drive is a gift from God. Some peoples’ are very active and some less so. There was nothing more annoying to me when I was a 20 something and suffering loniliness than someone saying “I’m prerfectly happy being single so why can’t you be too?” That’s like me (someone who never has had the compulsion to drink excessive amounts of alcohol) throwing a guilt trip on a recovering alcoholic and telling him that he should be like me and if he isn’t then he’s somehow less of a person.
    I have always diparaged life and death comparisons to gauge the validity of things and circumstances that actually have nothing to do with life or death. A person suffering from scizophrenia can certainly live without medication that allows them to live a more normal life but their quality of life is generally much better with it. To much of anything is bad and that includes sex, lonliness, etc…..
    I was not actively dating someone for many years. Then I met and married a wonderful woman and have been happily married ever since. My life is much better now that I am married. My wife is my best friend and yes when we get the urge we can roll in the hay for a while. This is a much better existence than I experienced as a single person. If I was still single I would imagine that I would probably be suffering from too many years of being alone as I was begining to feel when I met my wife. Also, studies have shown that men who experience regular sex (ejaculation at climax) are much less likely to develop prostate cancer later in life due to the fact that the prostate is evacuated regularly. Similar studies have shown that men and women who have healthy sexual relationships (monogamous single partner) tend to live longer and be more emotionally stable than those who don’t.
    Before I met and married my wife, I had a very hard time experiencing and accepting God’s love for me. God is a spiritual being we never see with our own eyes. Often times we claim to “feel” his presence but that can be confusing as so many other stimuli in life can give us very similar feelings thus making it hard to determine what is genuine. Through my wifes unfailing love I can honestly say that I have experienced God’s love through her and now understand it in a way I probably never would have living just a single existence.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FEZHMYFJPJZIWYZC2LPHBZVBYQ Jason

    Also being “chaste” has different meanings depending on where we are at in life. When I was a teenager all I could hope for was owning a Lamborghini sports car. Now that I am in my 40′s I wouldn’t have one in my garage and if someone gave me one I’d sell it and spend the money on something more practical.
    When you are young and seemingly have your whole life ahead of you things take on an entirely different perspective. ”

    Retirement? What do I need to put back for my retirement I’m 20 years old for Pete’s sake!”

    A person being chaste in life with all the options head of them will look at it differently than someone pushing 40 in a diminished field of prospects and who is physically waning.

  • http://twitter.com/SteveBellitt Manic Doodlings

    An essay I’ll bookmark & read often. Thanks so much.


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