Protestant Hookers…

Hmmm. Nice try, but no.

... Kid's say the darnedest things; like that their dad's let them play Grand Theft Auto when you know full good and well this is a lie because his dad, an ex-Marine, fencing champion and Catholic deacon, would skin him alive like St. Bartholomew.But you play along because he's just a kid and there's no sport in making him look foolish. But the kid's persistent and says his getting the game for Christmas and you just roll your eyes and tell him you highly doubt it because it's a really … [Read more...]

Go home pop culture, you’re drunk…

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Because my son loves this stupid song ad infinitum to ad nauseum, I was forced to watch this spectacle on TV. As we both sat their, mouths gaping, the only words I could muster were, "Say no to drugs, son. Just say no." … [Read more...]

Tune in Sunday at 9pm EST to hear me discuss love, sex, and being single…

little-girl-talking-on-phone

... Dan Sealana has invited me to be a call in guest on his show, The Mess, to discuss this post.We're going to see how many times I can say "whore" and "bat shit crazy". … [Read more...]

Yeah, That Got Tiresome Real Quick — where I just give up and let them think I worship Satan…

elaine-seinfeld-devil-face-o

... Man, I love Halloween. I love everything about it. I pity the poor child whose parents keep them from participating in the revelry. Living in the Bible belt, you're bound to run into them -- the "we don't do Halloween" types. Bless their hearts. More candy for me.Every year about this time, I would undertake the great Halloween Crusade explaining and explaining again that Halloween ≠ Devil Worship. This year, I gave all that up ... as evident from this recent phone call.Typical K … [Read more...]

Gone Till Tuesday…

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... Oh my gosh, y'all! I'm leaving tomorrow morning for Seattle to have my first real speaking engagement. I mean, I speak all the time, but this time someone will actually be listening. I know!If all goes well, maybe this will open the door for me to have future speaking gigs. I wonder who you gotta know to get booked to speak at the L.A. Religious Education Conference. Can't you just picture it?You're a heretic! You're a heretic! You're going to hell! So are you! Everybody is going to … [Read more...]

You Can’t Spell Halloween Without “Whore”…

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So this is a real Halloween costume.So help me, Baby Jesus, if I see any girls wearing a twerk costume this Halloween I will douse them with holy water and then smack their parents with a Bible. … [Read more...]

Now it’s time to play, “Is It A Nun, Nazgûl, or John Kerry?” …

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... Naturally it's a drinking game. However, you don't need beer goggles to mistake this photo of John Kerry, wearing a traditional Balinese “endek”, for one of those habit-less rogue nuns. It's an easy enough mistake to make. Just look at it...Speaking of habit-less rogue nuns ... when you get an endorsement from Nancy Pelosi, you might be doing Catholicism wrong.In case you can't tell, the one with the lapel pin is the nun. The other one is a Nazgûl.Bottoms up! … [Read more...]

There’s No Mercy In Baseball …

No mercy!!!!!!!

... Ah, fall baseball. Another season of ruthlessly embarrassing my son from the stands. Let's just say I am not a quiet observer of sports. Yes, I just yelled at my kid to knock your kid outta the way.What? At least I'm watching the game and being supportive and junk. You know this would never happen if they just served beer at the Little League ball park like I suggested. I'm a mellow drunk. … [Read more...]

Liturgical Dance Isn’t So Bad…

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... In fact, I kinda like this.What? It's Friday. Lighten up. … [Read more...]


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