Papal festivities coordinator or jobs I’d be perfect for…

flame throwers

... Is anyone else as bitterly disappointed as I was to learn that Ember Days doesn't actually involve fire? I was really jazzed about celebrating Ember Days too. The Church should just let me be in charge of traditions. … [Read more...]

How comment moderation works around here…

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... What? You thought I was under some obligation to publish your comment? How precious. … [Read more...]

Fake Christmas Trees Unholy…

Live trees may or may not contain small woodland creatures.

... I'm on a superiority complex high right now having ventured out into the wilderness and chopped down my own Christmas tree. Can you believe it; I used a hand saw and no one bled to death. Then I lifted the tree over my head in triumph and grunted loudly in satisfaction. I resisted the urge to "spike" the tree when we got to the car. It was very primal and quite impressive. I feel this experience gives me license to mock your fake plastic Christmas trees and pine scented candles as an … [Read more...]

I don’t always play well with others but at least I give it a try from time to time…

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... If you live in or around Charlotte the Mormons are providing area North Carolinians with free entertainment, and you don't even have to join. I think. They have over 400 Nativity scenes from all over the world on display and nightly musical performances. Sounds nice. Hopefully it doesn't have a hidden agenda. I've always been afraid of things like this. Call me religiously intolerant or whatever the phobia name is for people who dislike people from differing religions, but … [Read more...]

I know it’s dangerous and someone will probably get harmed in the process but what’s the point of being the grown up in charge of all things if you can’t have a little fun with a chainsaw …

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... The worst part about growing up is all the responsibility. Get a job. Pay the bills. Keep the kids alive. You always have to do the most sensible thing and make compromises for others. No. Not this time. I want to chop down my own Christmas tree this year. Never mind that the last time I held an ax involved testing the response time of the local paramedics. None of that matters. I want to get in my car and drive to the woods, hike through the snow covered forest and select that … [Read more...]

We’ve Officially Jumped The Shark – Fr. Z and Voris Out To Sea…

Just don't do it like this unless your intent is to make everyone around uncomfortable.

... Someone once referred to me as a "celebrity blogger". I guess because I receive monetary compensation for my writing maybe? Or maybe it's because I was invited to the Vatican's Blog Meeting in Rome last year. But so were 149 other bloggers. And I have it on good authority I was there for comedic relief and the decision was not based on my merits as a writer or a Catholic. I'm nominal at best. No. That's not me. When I think "Catholic Celebrity" a dozen names come to mind, but not my own. … [Read more...]

I am a horrible, horrible parent…

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... In case you weren't aware, I loathe television. I especially loathe the T.M.I. commercials for things like erectile dysfunction medication and feminine hygiene products. It's because of the latter I may have inadvertently told my son women lay eggs. I just got so flustered. What do you say when your nine year old son asks what tampons are? I tried to handle his question with maturity, but yeah. Who are we kidding here? The Boy: Mom, what are tampons for? The Mom: Well... … [Read more...]

Whoever said the country is peaceful and quiet lied…

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... The animals are acting crazy. I think they sense an imbalance in the force. The dark side is growing in strength. Oh, wait. That was probably racist. Anyway, the coyotes are getting braver. They howled and yipped all night in my back yard. Talk about creepy. And it would appear I have a lady bug infestation. And this morning a raccoon tried to throw itself in front of my riding lawnmower. And I bird flew into my kitchen window. Just a few days ago I deer tried to kill me while I took out … [Read more...]

Did Someone Say “Game of Thrones”…

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... No? Well, too bad. My blog. So I just finished reading a Clash of Kings, book 2 in the series, and I was all hyped to sit down and watch Season 2. I got out my television series watching provisions - wine and chocolate - and readied myself for a Game of Thrones marathon. But noooooooooooooo. Is it showing on Netflix? Nope. Hulu? Nada. Amazon? Not there. How about iTunes. Nothing. Not even on HBO unless you're a subscriber. Bastards! Clearly I am forced to pirate the series … [Read more...]


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