Unicorns Poop Magic Rainbows…

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... That's it. That's all I got. Unicorns poop magic rainbows.For ten days I've been unable to write a single thing. Ten days! Ten long, miserable days of nothing.Desperate times calling for desperate measure, I locked myself in my bedroom till I have written something of worth. I've been here 5 hours 12 minutes and 7 second. Eight seconds. Nine seconds.Like any normal person locked in a room with a computer and a stalled creative process... I started binging on … [Read more...]

Friday is Truly a Day of Penance…

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... Ask me what kind of day I've had. Go ahead. Ask.It started with a typical work conversation. Because, the general public...Me: What's your phone numberDude: blah blah blah numbers numbers numbersMe: Is that a mobile number?Dude: No, it's a cell.Then against my better judgement I allowed my Sadistic Marathon Runner friend to talk me out my typical Friday liquid lunch at the margarita bar. She had a better suggestion. Let's take the fat girl to the gym. It'll be … [Read more...]

Stupid things I do on any given Monday…

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... Today I ate an entire package of Quaker Rice Cakes. I am pretty sure nutrition doesn't work that way. In other news, Obama's federally funded golf course at Andrew's Air Force Base remains open while he continues to close access off to monuments, parks, roads, and oceans. I'm pretty sure that's not how a presidency is supposed to work either.In Social Studies today, my son asked his teacher how come Obama hasn't been impeached yet when all Nixon did was break into an office building. … [Read more...]

Crazy Is An Understatement…

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... This post is going to be all over the place, kind of like my day has been. Plus it's Friday. My apologies.Here's a little secret. I'm not the best, most pious Catholic in the world; I only play one of the internet.So I was reading that the USCCB decided to make today a day of prayer and fasting to end porn. And I immediately thought, well shit, the Pope wants us to fast tomorrow. Fast for two days?! I'd die! I'll waste away and die! Next thing you know I'll be advocating for … [Read more...]

This is why I try to minimize my contact with the outside world…

vicks burns yall

... because every time I attempt human interaction something always inevitably goes wrong. I just got home from finally seeing Les Misérables. It's too late and I'm too tired to write a lengthy, emotional review. But lets just say I wept. OK, fine. I was practically sobbing. The can't catch your breath, chin quivering kind of sobbing. Shut up. I wasn't the only one.In fact the perfectly nice, grown man sitting next to me was crying as well. Me, being the good person that I am, offered him a … [Read more...]

the Ghost of St. Lawrence Basilica…

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... For my birthday I met some friends in Asheville over the weekend. We went to have a few drinks and laugh at the painfully ironic hipsters and dirty hippies. We were well entertained. However, no trip to Asheville is complete without a stop at St. Lawrence Basilica, where I recently learned they have a haunted loo.No seriously. They have these weird little bathrooms under the church offices and the ladies room has 2 toilets sitting side by side. When I was washing my hands, the one … [Read more...]

this makes me sad…

... While updating my sidebar I deleted all my 'Catholic Bloggers' link. Please do not take offense if you find your blog suddenly removed. I am in the process of restoring them under the page titled 'Friends'.This is an excellent opportunity to make sure I have your blog address updated or to make a request that I do not link to you - I get those occasionally. I won't judge. Promise. … [Read more...]

I missed my calling…

I will shoot you and look good doing it

... It is apparent I was never meant to be a nun, not after the skillful display I put on this evening. I got the highest score ever at a local laser tag place. My missed calling...Sniper.Did I have an unfair advantage against a room full of frightened children taken off guard by my shrieks of "See you in Hell, Klaus". Maybe. But no one ever said war was fair. I don't see why the other parents were so mad at me. You would think they would be shamed by their progeny's severe lack of … [Read more...]

don’t you hate it when you fall asleep at Adoration and no one wakes you up because they think you’re deep in prayer…

Shhh, he must be having one of those vision things.

... FYI, if a person is snoring and drooling they are probably not in the throws of ecstasy and it's ok to give them a bit of a nudge. … [Read more...]


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