I did not see myself as a leader as I was coming of age, but even my mother was jealous of the powers unseen by me, and often said so. My father regularly referred to me as “a mighty powerful woman,” but I saw this as one of his silly jokes, like telling me that my shoes were as big as gunboats, and that I was adopted from an Indian princess.
My father also called me “Y;” he said because I always wanted to know the why of everything.I regret that I did not know that I had this gift that must be carefully channeled, lest it do more harm than good. I now believe that all true wisdom is not in “knowing,” but in forever seeking to understand.
I have noticed that the wiser I become, the more people shut out my words. It seems that, with the intensity of my passion, I frighten many. There is truth to the saying, “Ignorance is bliss;”many people seem not to want to understand anything. To enlighten or inform them is to incur their wrath.
I now choose, whenever possible, to write, rather than speak my truths. In writing, I give the reader the option to read or not. I also give them the option of digesting my words in small bites or great big gulps, depending on their current appetites for such things. Many have chosen to discontinue relating rather than to understand from where I am coming.
Whenever I lose relationships through speaking or writing my experiences, there are always new people who want to share in my wisdom. The losses do cause me much pain, as the people of my past are all parts of my spiritual being. To know that I have caused others so much discomfort that they turn away from me is something that I don’t know how to address. Many times the only thing I know to do is to honor their requests for my silence and absence in their lives, hoping that this will allow them to forgive me and remember the good that we shared.
I experience my own inner wisdom by pondering all sincere questions with equal energy. I often go to sleep with these queries on my mind and awaken in the middle of the night still pondering them. Many times I awaken with words that I am driven to write, hoping that others will also give their input.
My wisdom has always told me that my mission is not to supply answers, but to supply alternative ways to ask the important questions. There are no eternal answers, for every genus and species in every place and time, though I believe there are universal values that are not subject to place and time constraints. My wisdom simply tells me to continue seeking while in my physical manifestation on earth.
Yvette Autin Warren is the author of: