This is a re-post from May 2008. I want to emphasize that this ‘peek’ into my personal prayer life is not meant to be about making me look good, but as simply a story of God working with a messed up guy named Kurt…
The following is a journal entry from last summer. This was an experience that continued to encourage me that in spite of my skepticism at times that God speaks to us in direct ways. This is in no way intended to be read as boastful about ‘how spiritual i am’ but simply as part of my journey with God…
Two weeks ago I went to a prayer gathering on a Sunday night. The leader that night had a great key thought: get desperate for God before we are desperate.
We then broke out into a time to get alone with God. I went into it believing that god could speak to me… he had done it in many ways before but I felt like now the pressure was on knowing that we would come together and share later (how stupid and prideful I can be sometimes!).
At first I was distracted by the worship CD that was playing; instead of ambiance, it was loud and obnoxious. Then, I got over it and was able to pray and focus. I have had times in my life where prayer and mental pictures have worked together. On this particular night, I saw a door with a key in it. I thought that perhaps this was the door to heavenly realm and that I could communicate freely with him. But I also wanted to test my impression to assure that it was of God and not something that I was making up in my mind. Isn’t it funny that when God is at work, the first thing we often do is to question it rather than to simply trust? A lot of my skepticism comes from not having grown up in a more ‘charismatic’ church environment.
After these thoughts were running through my mind, I began to focus back at the door and then I noticed that the key inside of it was spinning rapidly. I remember thinking to myself, “now the key is the focal point” but then it span so fast that I began to imagine it as a cake mixer… and the door was gone. Then my mind wondered off to other things, but I kept in prayer.
At this point I began to center myself around the person of Jesus saying his name over and over again in my mind so that my thoughts were focused on him alone. What I found was that when I said “Jesus” out loud, I became more filled and centered on God. Then the vision of the door returned to my mind, and I thought that either god were telling me something having to do with open communication with him in a “prophetic” sense or that I was just thinking or that I was just thinking about such a thought.
I then began to ask God to confirm that it was from Him so that when I took this word to the group it would be a real and uplifting prophecy rather than merely my thoughts. That’s when I saw and impression of the words “Revelation 3:7.” When I read that section of Scripture I knew that God had indeed been speaking! I was surprised, amazed, and blessed! When I got up and walked back to reunite with the group I felt like I was glowing like Moses down from the mountain. I shared that I felt God was saying through this word he had given to me that we have access to pray to him, and to interact with him! In this, our prayer group was truly edified and I was overwhelmed at a God who can break through my skepticism and fear! Here is the passage:
7 “Write this letter to the angel of the church in Philadelphia.
This is the message from the one who is holy and true, the one who has the key of David. What he opens, no one can close; and what he closes, no one can open:
I would love to hear your stories about how God has worked in your life in ways that ‘surprised’ you!