The Dream and Young Frankenstein

PLEASE NOTE: ALL OF MY CHILDREN ARE FINE. However, this post contains material that some people might be painful for people who are sensitive to the subject of losing a child. So, in other words, everyone. But some VERY UNDERSTANDABLY more than others. If absolutely no one reads this because of that, I completely understand and I will have no hurt feelings whatsoever, I swear. Scroll down further if you decide to read the post. 

 

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The other night I had a dream my youngest…wasn’t alive anymore.  He had…stopped being alive because of cancer and I found myself in the midst of figuring out a funeral and what percentage of Jewish he considered himself and I can’t even go into all the details of the dream, though I remember them vividly even three nights later.  The details aren’t important here – just that I felt the grief to the center of the earth in my dream, and so, too, in my reality, because when I woke up I was still grieving. The overwhelming relief at realizing it was a dream mixed with the indescribable pain of feeling like I’d lost my child forever became this vortex that overwhelmed me and I was immediately – but immediately – racked with sobs and gasping for air and trying to keep quiet so I wouldn’t wake the kids.

Dave, of course, woke up and I tried to choke out the words “bad dream” as if he didn’t know that’s what was going on (he did because this has happened to me before,) but before he had the chance to move just an inch to his right to comfort me, my youngest appeared in my doorway. I said his name and managed to say “bad dream” to him and he was instantly sitting on the side of my bed leaning over and hugging me so tightly as I sobbed and said “Thankgodthankgodthankgodmybaby” over and over again.

He didn’t say a word. Just sat there leaning over and hugging me while I cried and got tears and snot all over him and squeezed my arms around his torso and felt his ribs and stroked his hair and felt his breath on my neck. After about 20 minutes of that I finally managed to get slightly calmer, and of course, had to go to the bathroom, because 45 and three kids, that’s why. When I was done, Dave had already put him back to bed, but I wasn’t done with him, yet, so I went into his room and got into bed with him and hugged him some more. He asked, “Was it a scary dream or a sad dream?” I said, “Sad dream.” I wanted to stay there and sleep with him or make him come sleep with us, but for logistical reasons I knew that wasn’t the best idea, so I just asked him if I could take his Pikachu doll back to my room with me to sleep with. He said yes.

I told him if he didn’t want to go to school because he was up for so long in the middle of the night and really super-tired, he wouldn’t have to. He said he thought he should go to school, and I said, “Okay, but you can change your mind if you feel lousy in the morning.”

I think I will shock absolutely no one when I say I was really, REALLY hoping he would decide he wanted to stay home from school. And he did.

We did the only thing that made sense to do on the morning after a night like that. We made banana bread and watched “Young Frankenstein” together, which was exactly what the doctor ordered.

Leo's favorite scene. (photo from www.movieposter.com)
Leo’s favorite scene.
(photo from www.movieposter.com)

 

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • mommy_grrl

    Oh, those are the worst. So terrifying, and so real you want to glue yourself to his side. Glad you got some time together..

    • theworthingtonpost

      LITERALLY glue myself to him. How do you do that without convincing him I’ve gone off the deep end?!? xoxo

  • http://www.worldsworstmoms.com/ Tammy

    Reason #63 that we’re soul mates — you’re totally cool keeping your kid home from school because life is more important than attendance.

    • theworthingtonpost

      Mental Health days are waaaaaay underrated. xoxo

  • http://elleroywashere.com/ Linda Roy

    Oh, those dreams that are so real you can’t shake them. Love that he stayed home and you spent some one on one time together.

    • theworthingtonpost

      I was so beyond happy he stayed home… xoxo

  • alexandra

    Oh, Aliza. I was right there with you, friend.

    • theworthingtonpost

      It’s the worst, and then the best, sort of, and then at least an entire day recovering…xoxo

  • http://www.snoskred.org/ Snoskred

    Hey there, I found you via the NaBloPoMo blogroll.

    As part of NaBloPoMo I try to comment on as many participating blogs as I can, and I am also adding participating blogs to my feed reader. So I’m just dropping by to let you know I’ve added your blog to my feedreader, whenever you publish a post I will see it. :)

    I have created three bundles on Inoreader so that bloggers can easily visit other participating NaBloPoMo bloggers which you can find here –

    http://www.snoskred.org/2014/11/nablopomo-bundles-final-edition.html

    Your blog is in the second bundle.. I also have a link up going at my place so my readers can find participating blogs which you are more than welcome to add your blog link to.

    Looking forward to seeing your posts. You may see me drop by again during November, but it might be December before I finish my first drop by to blogs if I don’t get faster at leaving comments. :)

    Happy NaBloPoMo to you!

    Snoskred

    http://www.snoskred.org

    • theworthingtonpost

      Oh, my heavens, I’m in awed admiration for how many blogs you’ve read, and very appreciative mine made it into your bundle! Cheers!