Trying my Hand at Limericks

While I can knit together a phrase, I did not knit this replica of the opening to a vagina. Got it from - where else? - Pintrest.

Today, I'm so sad to see Clitoris Awareness Week COME to an end. Last Friday, though, I decided to show my reverence by trying my HAND at some poetry. Yes, at Lefty POP, a site where I do my some of my CHEEKIEST work, I helped people peek under the HOOD of this magical organ. Rather than simply pay it LIP service, I felt poetry would help me go DEEP into the subject matter. I chose limerick form, because, of course, it begins with "L" "I" and ends with "C" "K." Not to brag, but one friend called … [Read more...]

Invocation

photo courtesy of wikipedia

As a Jew, I've sat through my share of interminable sermons.  I've endured excruciatingly long bar mitzvah services and naming ceremonies.  Having a Catholic husband has also exposed me to long masses and wordy pre-meal prayers.  Now, I'm not really the praying type.  However, I'm very happy to respect the prayer rituals of those around me and bow my head to contemplate what is being said.  After all - I figure, "There's gotta be something in here I can agree with...I can go along with that...I c … [Read more...]

Quiz Me.

“Who am I, at this stage in my life?” I wondered.I was feeling that middle-aged malaise...dissatisfied, reaching for something but I didn’t quite know what. So I did what any rational, college-educated woman of my stature would do. I took quizzes on Facebook to figure it out. Scary Mommy quizzes, Buzzfeed quizzes, Zimbio quizzes - you name it. Here are the conclusive, if surprising results.According to the Scary Mommy quiz, I should have only two children. This is problematic, not only be … [Read more...]

Spider Meets Winshield.

image

Once upon a time, I was driving to pick up my son from baseball tryouts.  Then I had company looking at me from the other side of the windshield.  Here is the poorly drawn story of our relationship.We were at a red light.  She seemed happy to see me.Then the light turned green. Red light.Green light.Red light.Green light.The end. … [Read more...]

Mama Mika and Papa Joe

Here's how I imagine the conversation between Mika and Joe (of Morning Joe) and Governor Chris Christie went.  It's over on Lefty Pop.  :) … [Read more...]

Banana Bread

So, you know how so many people post Facebook status updates the night before the first day of school?  "Lunches are packed!  Kids in bed!  Backpacks ready!  Forms filled out!  Relaxing with a glass of wine and hubby!" And it's only 8 p.m.?  Some dear friends of mine - and I hope they still are after reading this - but please indulge me in a rare public bitchy moment.I frikkin' HATE those status updates.  They shouldn't, but they make me feel like SUCH a loser mom - I rarely, if ever have my … [Read more...]

Vacation Hangover

Well, there was no Captain Steubing, and it was not the Love Boat, but we sure loved the boat that took us on vacation.  Here's a random re-cap.1.  No wi-fi and/or texting is a blessing.  The end.2.  Just kidding!!!  There's more!  Angel (pronounced "Ahn-HELL") was our dinner waiter, and Marko was his assistant.  I learned halfway through the trip (and that was too late) that I should not ask Angel his opinion about more than one entree.  This is because he would proceed to bring me each. … [Read more...]

A Fork in the Grass

The following is a conversation that really took place last week, with no embellishment on my part.  Allow me to set the scene:Nicky's baseball game.  Sunny, beautiful, breezy Sunday afternoon.  I was sitting next to our friend, Glen* - our boys have played baseball together for the last few years, and even though he comments on the articles I put on fb without reading them, I still let him be friends with me, because I'm cool like that.Anyhow, I had brought a salad with me to the game - … [Read more...]

Happy Mother’s Day!

Here's why I love this comic strip very much.One might read this and think its creators are saying, "Damn teenagers.  They have no vocabulary.  They never talk to us.  They never TELL us anything."I see something completely different in this comic strip.1.  Teenagers are moody.2.  Teenagers have trouble figuring out what's bothering them.3.  Even if they know what's bothering them, they have trouble articulating it.4.  Parents should keep their questions simple.  Like, "Trouble?"5. … [Read more...]

Lost In Suburbia – Book Review*

Lost in Suburbia - A Momoir contradicts itself right there in the subtitle.  How I Got Pregnant, Lost Myself, and Got My Cool Back in the New Jersey Suburbs.  Apart from being a mouthful, everyone knows it's practically impossible to get your cool back in the Jersey suburbs.  Of course, I had to read.  Let me tell you, Tracy not only achieves "cool,"  she attracts "cool."  She discovers it's possible to be cool AND live in New Jersey, and she makes it clear that truly, wherever you live, being ho … [Read more...]


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