Stopping Violence With Absurdity

Here’s how it goes sometimes:

Sunday morning, after Telesma‘s Summer Solstice show, I was walking up Charles Street from the 8×10 back to my car.

I was dressed up for the show, because, well, why not? Telesma has made their Winter Solstice shows into full-fledged events — including the show that featured Alex and Allyson Grey live painting on stage — and I’ve gotten into the habit of garbing up for them, thrift-store tails and bow tie and battery-powered LED lights on my famous purple top hat. So it seemed moot to dress for a Summer Solstice show.

It was too warm for the tailcoat , but still I had the hat — no lights, but a blue plastic flower gifted to me at Playa Del Fuego a few years back clipped to the side — plus a purple vest and bow-tie. Funky freaky full dress-up.

All the bars had just let out so there were lots of people on the street. Also dozens of cops; I don’t know if that’s the usual drill in Federal Hill these days or if there had already been some incident prompting a show of force by the local constabulary. I saw one knot of six or eight cops on the other side of the street and paused for a moment to see if something was going on, but it seemed that things were calm.

But at the next intersection, around the corner was a confrontation between two groups of young men. It looked like a couple of black guys and a couple white guys getting into it, though I didn’t have a complete roster of who was with whom. But I read the situation as something that had been building for a few minutes, with a couple of people trying to keep their more hotheaded friends from doing something dumb.

I stood on the corner for a moment watching and evaluating, then said in my best loud take-control voice, “Gentlemen! Whole bunch of cops right across the street! Let’s be smart. Go home.”

But one guy lunged at another (I couldn’t see if he actually connected or not) and they started circling. But it was still all display. In a situation like this, if someone was determined on serious violence it would have already happened. This sort of nonsense is more of a primate hierarchical dominance display than anything else.

But it can still go very bad. So I yelled louder so the cops across the way could hear, “Hey! Police! Could use some help here!” and stepped in between them, urging them to cool it.

Now that was a gamble in two ways. Obviously getting in between the disputants has risk; I have been injured before when stepping in to stop a fight. But getting the cops involved also has the distinct possibility of making things worse. The last time I tried to invoke the police in such a situation, when Baltimore’s Finest arrived they assaulted a guy who wasn’t involved, refused to listen to witnesses, and let the aggressors go. I had been doing better on my own…the problems with the BCPD are numerous and legendary.

But it went all right this time. I kept myself between the two for a minute until a few police from the knot across the street walked over. Neither of the dispuants seemed eager to charge past me to get at the other, or to turn their anger on me instead (as sometimes happens in these situations), and they melted into the night as the cops approached.

And only then did I realize that these guys intent on working themselves into a fight had suddenly been disrupted by a guy in a ridiculous top hat. Maybe that’s why they seemed less belligerent toward me than I often find in these situations.

Nothing succeeds in disrupting violence quite like refusing to follow the script.

Maybe next time I’ll try some cartwheels and a Daffy Duck-style “woo-woo-woo-woo!”