Penny’s First Day of Kindergarten

September 7, 2011 By 14 Comments

Penny’s first words when I picked her up from her first day of kindergarten: “I didn’t miss you, Mom!”

That probably says it all.

I missed her. William missed her–he spent the morning asking when she would get home from school. But she was ready. She marched right into that big school and lined up with her class in the multi-purpose room and told me all about the man on the stage who was loud and funny. She can’t remember her new friends names, but, “Don’t worry, Mom, I’m a good namer.” (It’s true–she went into school today telling me that she would see J, a little girl she had met two weeks ago at orientation. It took me a while to realize that she really had remembered the name of a fellow kindergartener.) She went to the potty all by herself. Once was successful, and the other time she “tried” but then the lights went out (the bathroom has an automatic light system, so thankfully the teacher had warned them that if the lights go off they just need to wave their hands. Penny seemed to find this whole experience quite amusing.).

I don’t have the energy to go into all the details right now, but I will say that good schools are all about good people. The paperwork surrounding kids with special needs–Individualized Education Plans and signing my name to things I don’t understand and wondering whether she’ll get the evaluations she needs and what exactly these goals are supposed to mean–it overwhelms me. And I’m a highly educated woman who writes about disability for a living. But when I was feeling intimidated and fearful a few weeks ago, I realized it was all about paperwork. And I remembered that I know these people. I know that they are the ones who sent us pictures during our year away and checked in on William. I remembered that they believed in Penny–that they sent her out with pages upon pages of instructions for her new therapists because they wanted to make sure she was taken care of. As I wrote this post (last night), I received an email from Penny’s teacher, just checking in to give me a report on the first day.

So that’s my new motto when it comes to navigating a school system with a child with special needs. Deal with the paperwork. But trust the people.

Update: I just met with Penny’s case manager, who is eager to rewrite Penny’s IEP and get her set for a great year ahead. She told me that yesterday, they lost Penny in the lunch room. (“I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but . . .”) They finally found her back in her classroom hanging up her lunchbox in her cubby. “I was done with lunch,” she explained. For them, the good news was they found her. For me, the good news was that she remembered where her classroom was and was taking responsibility for herself. For all of us, it will be good news if today she stays with her friends until lunch is officially over!

Filed Under: Down Syndrome Tagged With: , 14 Comments
About Amy Julia Becker

Amy Julia Becker writes and speaks about family, faith, disability, and culture. A graduate of Princeton University and Princeton Theological Seminary, she is the author of Penelope Ayers: A Memoir, A Good and Perfect Gift (Bethany House), and Why I Am Both Spiritual and Religious (Patheos Press).

  • Amy

    Yay, Penny!

    And yes on the paperwork. I’ve found that my child’s educational experience is all about relationships. If I have a good, mutually respectful relationship with the teachers and administrators, it doesn’t matter what’s in the paperwork; they do an awesome job and more. But if I don’t, it still doesn’t matter what’s in the paperwork, they won’t do their job and I can’t really make them. (Well, I could take legal action, but that takes years, and in the meantime, my child suffers.) So I spend my energy cultivating relationships rather than fussing over legalese that I don’t understand. It’s more effective and more enjoyable!

  • Melinda

    Way to go, Penny!

  • http://twitter.com/suzanne_e_wilso Suzanne Wilson

    Just sent my typical son Joseph to kindergarten at the local elementary…wondering what it will look like when Jack our now 3 1/2 yr old with DS gets there…thanks for sharing about Penny. Just ordered your book on Amazon…

  • Margotstarbuck

    GREAT day.

  • Tricia Tice

    Great job, Penny; and great job Amy Julia!!!

    Losing her in the lunchroom…Too funny!!! We lost Kate once, but that was her orchestration. She wanted to be in the classroom with her friend and when the substitute showed up for his class in the drop-off area, she just fell in line and acted normal. They were horrified that it was 9:30 before they figured it out. They just thought she was absent for the day. I was half impressed and half annoyed at her sneakiness.

    We all bring different strengths to the table. Sounds like your verbal skills have benefitted Penny tremendously. I love that you are able to communicate the deeper heart issues associated with our gifts. We (the parents) need that. It’s ok that you don’t understand everything yet. You don’t need to understand right now. If and when you do need it someone else will have that strength and be able to help you through it. Your local DS or Autism support groups will have people that can come to your rescue and help you learn. Disability, like faith, is a team sport. None of us can do it all alone. None of us have to.

    Right now, you and I are blessed with staff members that support us and gladly support our kids. Good faculty don’t get enough press in the disability community. There were so many years of discrimination, inertia and misunderstanding about how to best teach them, and in many places it still goes on. Cheerlead them publicly. Tell their stories. Show other teachers how Penny helps make them better teachers and better people. That is your strength. We all need that contribution.

  • Tricia Tice

    Katie says, “I like this girlie…” Wish we were close enough for a sleep-over.

    • http://www.patheos.com/community/thinplaces/ Amy Julia Becker

      Wouldn’t that be fun, although we have not had any successful sleepovers to date! Thanks so much for your encouraging words–both about Penny and about this blog. I really appreciate it!

  • meriah

    YAY! for Penny, YAY! for Mama! That’s a big, huge giant leap, isn’t it, into the world of school!

  • Afishindc

    She is truly a big girl now–wow, love this picture—such an amazing combination of you and Peter sparkling out. So beautiful. Big hugs to you all!

  • Jaida

    I’m so glad I followed a link to your blog today! My son who has Ds is starting his last pre-K year and this post really resonated with me. I hear these stories about people going into IEPs with lawyers/advocates and fighting the system and feel like we must have won the jackpot in both school districts we’ve been in. I have always felt, perhaps naively, that it’s just a team of people that want to help my kid have an awesome year. The paperwork gets me too…it seems so arbitrary at times. But I get why they need to do it. It really helps me too to just step back, look at each of our team members and remember that my son has already charmed them into his corner all by himself and we’ll all work together to make sure his year is great.

    Penny is just adorable and I can’t wait to continue reading about her – and your – adventures.

  • Ellen

    Wow, did she really tell you all about the funny man up on the stage? What did she say? Do people understand her when she speaks and does she really speak that clearly? I do not know any other kid with Ds that speaks like your daughter. Somehow in your writing I get the impression that her articulation is perfect and so is her beahvior.
    My child has Ds and loosing her in the lunchroom would have been a very scary situation as my daughter, like many kids ith Ds wanders, not because she is naughty, but because for some reason she wants to go!
    I just read your book and really enjoyed it. It is incredible, isn’t it? How we all have gone through this transformation and have wrestled with the thoughts, feelings, and learned such important lessons.

    • http://www.patheos.com/community/thinplaces/ Amy Julia Becker

      Ellen, your comment has made me want to write a post in response to your thoughts about Penny, so you might check in on that later on this week. The short answer is that her articulation is far from perfect, but I understand almost everything she says (although I have to ask her to repeat/slow down a lot). I often don’t convey her grammatical inconsistencies because my brain translates her sentences into the way I would say it. So she says “Why you don’t go there, Mom?” instead of “Why didn’t you go there?” and I hear it the same way. So she does have good, but far from perfect, articulation, and I probably don’t convey the reality very well in print. As for behavior–it’s tough a lot of the time. Again, I’m going to write more about this, but today, for instance, included whining, complaining, becoming limp like spaghetti, and crying for very little reason.

      So–thank you for your thoughtful response and your encouraging words about my book. More to come…

      • Ellen Stumbo

        I will be following your blog from now on, so I look forward to hearing more about Penny.

        I will also be writing a book review on my blog and hopefully doing a give away. Most people that follow my blig have kids with Down syndrome, special needs, or are interested in adopting children with special needs.

  • Sally

    So great to hear that Penny is having such a good time at school. My daughter Tashi is 8 and has DS. I could just see the two of them getting together for a good old chat and some fun! Tashi also talks a lot, and uses some of her own grammatically interesting phrases. When she is annoyed with her brother, we hear “That be it!” as she prepares to take action. I should correct her, but she sounds like a pirate and its so typical of her. Can’t wait to read your book.