Spirituality For Busy Moms, Tip #3: Get Some Rest

January 31, 2012 By Amy Julia Becker 2 Comments

You’re stressed out. You’re overwhelmed. You’re running to catch up. You’re amazed that there is yet another load of laundry to fold. Or maybe I should be writing this in the first person. Here’s the scenario of our past few days: Our babysitter is sick. William threw up (not only did he throw up, but then Peter picked him up and promptly slipped in the vomit so both of them ended up on the floor and, well, you can imagine the state of their clothes and my sister’s kitchen). Penny had an ENT appointment last week that took six hours total time and a cardiologist appointment yesterday (all is well) which took five. I have missed the deadline for a slew of writing projects. We need to decide on a rental house for next year as soon as possible.

I often think the answer to weeks like these is working harder. Staying up late. Getting up early. Maximizing productivity. Letting William watch PBS Kids while Marilee naps and I catch up on the bills. And although there’s a place for using time wisely, I also become deceived by the idea that with just a little more time, a little more effort, everything will be under control.

I’m reminded of Genesis 1, the lyrical account of God’s creation, in which every day begins with chaos and then ends with order as God sets things in their place. But what struck me recently, as I stacked dishes in the sink and swept the kitchen floor and picked up the toys scattered about for what felt like the seventeenth time that day–what struck me was that every day of the week, God had more to do. From chaos to order, over and over and over again. Kind of like our playroom. Kind of like my heart.

But the gift, the gift at the end of those six days of beautiful and cosmic but somewhat repetitive work, the gift was a day of rest. Of celebration. Of contentment.

Two Saturdays ago, I spent the day cleaning up and organizing and managing the household. And the day was filled with purpose and joy because I did it in preparation for the day to come. I ran the dishwasher and washing machine with the knowledge that I would not turn them on again until Monday. I sat at my desk and responded to email and I knew that on Sunday I could take a nap or read a book or take a walk instead. I paid bills thinking about sitting with friends in church and listening and singing and participating in a community of faith. The peace I anticipated on Sunday gave purpose to the tedium of Saturday, and suddenly it wasn’t so tedious anymore.

In “Why I Am Both Spiritual and Religious“ (which, I should add, is now available on Nook), I have a section about practicing the Sabbath, an intentional day of worship, community, celebration, rest, and service to others, so turn there if you’re interested in reading more. And whether or not you read more, why not try it? Just once–use Saturday to get ready to have a day of rest, to receive God’s gift and thank him for it.

Filed Under: Faith, family Tagged With: , , 2 Comments

Prayers for Our Daughter on Her First Birthday

January 30, 2012 By Amy Julia Becker 2 Comments

Marilee (pronounced “merrily”) turns one today. As I wrote in our Christmas letter:

Her name fits her well, as she is the happiest baby we’ve ever known. We often remark that she must sneak out at night and take classes in how to be cute. She claps readily, giggles at her older brother and sister, coos and snuggles and generally endears herself to us daily. We’re very glad she’s here.

In some ways, our kids have all taught us the same lessons. With each addition to our family we learn the meaning of sacrificial love all over again. We’ve grown, I hope and pray, in patience and grace and joy. And yet each of them is also a distinct gift with distinctive offerings to us and the world around them.

(I have given up on trying to get all three of them to sit up and smile side by side...)

Penny was an easy baby who taught us how to let go of expectations and love deeply. With William, we had an intense baby who taught us to let go of control and pray a lot for God’s presence in sleepless nights. With Marilee, we have an easy baby who have taught us much about gratitude. Gratitude not only for her sweet spirit and open-mouth kisses and long nights of sleep, but gratitude for the way she has changed the rest of us. For the chance to see William and Penny hop out of their chairs in the morning as soon as they hear her waking up. For all I’m learning about depending upon God in the just-bordering-on-chaos of a family with three kids. For the chance to experience the details of this particular life.

I remembered the other day that I have often prayed for laughter in our home. Marilee, in that way among many others, has been an answer to prayer.

I have also been thinking about the Psalm I have prayed for her since a few weeks after she was born:

For you have been my hope, Sovereign LORD,
my confidence since my youth (Psalm 71: 5).

The Psalm goes on to ask God to be present in old age, and in the midst of trials and sorrow. And then the Psalmist declares, in verse 14,

As for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more.

Marilee, your life has already been an occasion for hope and praise. May that hope become your own, and may you continue to praise God more and more.

Filed Under: Faith, family 2 Comments

Thoughts and Questions from A Good and Perfect Gift

January 27, 2012 By Amy Julia Becker 1 Comment

Cary Umhau, co-creator of a very cool website (and more) called Spacious, has written twice about A Good and Perfect Gift this past week. In her first post, “People with _________ just aren’t my thing” she challenges herself, and her readers:

What I had to wrestle with while reading this book is this: “What categories of people do I ignore or avoid, not acknowledge the existence of, or refuse to get to know?” and “About whom do I say, ‘Being with those sorts of people just isn’t my thing?’”

In her second post, “What’s Sad About Having a Child with Down syndrome?” she picks up on one of my very favorite passages from the book (is it weird for me to write about my own favorite passages?), in which I reflect on the question of goodness and disability. I wrote:

“I realized that I had always assumed it was very sad to have a child with mental retardation, or, for that matter, to be a person with mental retardation. But why? Why was that sad — because our culture held the intellect in such high regard? Because life was only as valuable as what we could produce or what academic degrees we had attained or how attractive we were or how big our house was? What was sad about having a child with Down syndrome?

And then Cary asks:

Great questions for all of us to ponder: “How do we typically define ‘good?’” and “What are our standards of perfection?”

For those of you who have read A Good and Perfect Gift, what thoughts or questions did it spark in your life? And how would you answer Cary?

Filed Under: Down Syndrome, Faith, family Tagged With: , 1 Comment

Spirituality for Busy Moms, Tip #2: Involve Your Kids

January 27, 2012 By Amy Julia Becker 7 Comments

Yesterday William looked out the window and said, “Mom, why did Jesus decide to make it rain this morning?”

I cocked my head. Not only was I unsure how to answer him, I also wondered where the question came from. “Well, I guess Jesus just thought it was a good day for rain.” Right. Sure. William seemed satisfied.

In another unexpected moment of spiritual “insight” this week, I received a note about Penny. Penny had gone on a playdate with her friend Anna over the weekend, and Anna’s mother wrote to tell me that Penny had been afraid of a big slide and so she had decided to pray about it. I thought the mother must have misunderstood and that Penny had told her she wanted to play. But I asked Penny, “Did you and Anna’s mother pray together during your playdate?”

“Oh no, Mom. I just prayed by myself.” She squinted her eyes shut and clutched her hands together, in case I wasn’t clear on her meaning.

“Why were you praying?”

“I was asking God to help me feel brave on the slide.”

Right. Sure.

Having kids has changed my spiritual life. I often focus on what I’ve lost–the opportunity to pray without interruptions, the chance to read the Bible without an episode of Cat in the Hat in the background, the joy of sleeping late on a Sunday morning and showing up for the 11:00 service at church . . . And I often think I’m supposed to get back to that state of attentiveness rather than admitting that my life has changed. This season of life-with-small-children is a new one, with new limitations on my relationship with God, but also with new possibilities for growth.

So my advice to myself is to thank God for these inquisitive interrupters who ask me about Jesus and hot dogs in the same breath, who remind me how easy it is to stop and pray, who prompt me to ask questions of God, who bring me to my own knees–sometimes in desperation, sometimes in gratitude–with the privilege of raising them.

For more thoughts on how to integrate religious faith and spiritual practices into your life, check out my new ebook, “Why I Am Both Spiritual and Religious.”

Filed Under: Faith, family Tagged With: , 7 Comments

Spirituality for Busy Moms (and Busy People)

January 26, 2012 By Amy Julia Becker 4 Comments

Over the course of the next few weeks, I’m going to run a series of posts that offer thoughts for cultivating “religious spirituality” in the midst of our busy everyday lives. These thoughts are meant to serve as a companion (or maybe, for those of you who haven’t read it, as an introduction) to my recent ebook, “Why I Am Both Spiritual and Religious.” In the introduction to that essay, I write:

I feel the tension in my body of both sitting in front of a computer and running after children all day long, of drinking one more Diet Coke or one more glass of wine instead of drawing energy and a sense of purpose from outside myself. I feel the tension in my spirit of constantly thinking about what needs to get done instead of cultivating contentment and rest. I feel the tension in my relationships when I don’t find time to invite neighbors over for dinner, when I don’t find time to check in on a friend in need, when I forget to acknowledge my sister’s birthday. I long for stillness, but I struggle to order my days according to that longing. The distractions and demands of everyday life get in the way.

And I’m sure I’m not alone. I’m going to write more about prayer and reading the Bible and friendship and sex and parties and keeping the Sabbath and food and money and church membership and a few other topics. But I’ll start with one overarching thought:

Be realistic.

Figure out what your ideal day, week, and year would look like when it comes to cultivating a relationship with God. It might involve reading through the entire Bible or praying for half an hour daily or going on quarterly silent retreats or teaching a Sunday School class or singing in the church choir.

Then figure out what your real days, weeks, and years look like.

Now, instead of feeling like a failure because real and ideal are so far apart, ask God to be with you in your real life. Your busy, I don’t even have time to wash my hair how on earth can I read the Bible, life. Because it is in the reality of your life that God wants to meet you. It is in the midst of the dirty dishes and professional demands and exhaustion and worry and parent-teacher conferences and ordering pizza for dinner yet again that Jesus wants to invite you to participate in God’s kingdom.

Filed Under: Faith, family Tagged With: 4 Comments
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