Note: this is an excerpt from An Ordinary Death: Where Grief and Relief Hold Hands, available from Amazon.com. I’ve not written recently about my mother and my continuing grief process over losing her. Mainly, I’ve not written because I just didn’t want people to know how hard this is for me. So I’ve shoved it inside and let it fester and now I’m sick. Just a bad cold, but enough that I am not able to go to work right... Read more
I admit it: I’ve watched the TLC TV Show “Sister Wives” with a fascinated horror. Here’s my take on the plot of this reality show: The alpha male, Koby, takes three blond look-alike wives when he is in his 20’s. Eventually, they start having children, and by the time we meet the family, these three wives have given birth to 13 offspring between them. All three are attractive and personable but . . . that’s a lot of pregnancies and... Read more
Last week, I spent several hours sorting donated canned goods at the North Texas Food Bank. During the days of the State Fair of Texas, people can get into the fair on Wednesdays at a greatly reduced price by donating three cans of food per person. On Thursday, those thousands and thousands of cans must be sorted and boxed for distribution to various agencies around the Metroplex so the food can get to the hands of the hungry. Instructions: “Often,... Read more
Note: this is an excerpt from An Ordinary Death: Where Grief and Relief Hold Hands, available from Amazon.com. Yesterday, I emailed on a friend of mine whose mother had a stroke similar to my mother’s and who is also in hospice care, being wonderfully watched over. She wrote back with “and how are YOU doing?” Not well. As I write that, I’m not sure what “well” is. Maybe I’m just fine, but my “fineness” means living deep in sadness, again... Read more
Note: this is an excerpt from An Ordinary Death: Where Grief and Relief Hold Hands, available from Amazon.com. I began going through my mother’s correspondence yesterday: three crates full of copies of letters she had written and some that had been written to her. It is dawning on me that my mother may have been what is called “hypergraphic.” It looks like she may have daily documented every detail of her life. She handwrote pages and pages and pages each... Read more
Note: this is an excerpt from An Ordinary Death: Where Grief and Relief Hold Hands, available from Amazon.com. Is it better just not to know? To live in ignorance of basic facts? To naively let others make decisions for you? As I continue to let the surprisingly paralyzing grief of my mother’s death work its way through my soul, I sit and wait and read and think and pray. I also ponder the latest religious scandal to hit the news:... Read more
I am simply shocked at my current state. After the memorial service for my mother on Friday, a friend from high school came up to greet me. I was touched at his willingness to spend time attending this service, and to be there, as he put it, simply to support me. He asked, “How ARE you doing?” And I quickly said truth: “Not well at all.” I am not doing well, whatever well is. I spent some time with my... Read more
We’ll be leaving for the memorial service for my mother shortly. It’s a warm, gray, rainy, humid day, guaranteed to make my hair frizz and get out of control. Sigh–teen angst never really fully leaves, does it? I did sleep some last night, but continually have dreams of my mother. Not bad ones–she’s clearly at peace. Just dreams. Dreams of her as a young woman, dreams of her dreams. I continue to be shocked at how numb I am and... Read more
Note: this is an excerpt from An Ordinary Death: Where Grief and Relief Hold Hands, available from Amazon.com. I woke this morning thinking perhaps I could get at least a few hours of catch-up work done, but still have not managed to get going other than washing my hair. At least it was something. But, to give myself some credit, I have opened the mail, read email, and enjoyed the sweet cards and messages made for me by the children... Read more
Note: this is an excerpt from An Ordinary Death: Where Grief and Relief Hold Hands, available from Amazon.com. I feel the fatigue today. Darkness of soul settles around me. The slightest movement seems more than I can manage. Simple decisions morph into complex challenges. I’m irritable, restless, and starting to get concerned about the amount of work I’ve just left behind for the time being. In other words, I’m normal. This is what happens in the wake of loss. I... Read more
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