Grief part 27

Here's the thing that a lot of people do not get about losing people you love. Who you love has nothing to do with who someone else loves. For instance, you may think that losing an aunt is no big deal because you aunts are all crazy and you haven't talked to any of them in 13 years. I get that. I have 8 aunts that are my mother's sisters who I have not talked to in a decade and who are all insane. I have one uncle that I haven't seen in maybe twenty years. But my Tio Roy was like a father to … [Read more...]

Two days ago I had a really bad day. Every single wound I have ever had in my life surfaced on some level in a matter of  hours. My sexual abuse as a child, worry for my child, the relationship with my mother, the grief of my Tio and Tia, drama on social media and the news that someone I care about is ill, all collided and I was emotionally overloaded. I sat in my car crying and wondering when all this was going to end. When Lord?I was also very hungry so my husband took me out to dinner at … [Read more...]

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/throughbrokenroses/2017/02/24/1987/

Rejecting God

It's no secret to anyone who has been reading my blog these past ten months that my uncle's death has sent me into a crisis of faith. I am not really sure if "crisis" is the right word because it isn't like I am struggling to believe in God, His Goodness or that everything that happens in my life will help save me, even the suffering because God has to power to do that. I know all of these things. So what is my problem? I am not sure but I had a little bit of an aha moment about what my "crisis" … [Read more...]

Waiting

A few weeks ago I went deer hunting for the first time in my entire life. I grew up in the country, in a town that is full of city folk visiting deer leases every fall to try and shoot themselves a trophy buck to mount on their wall. I hated it when I was a kid thanks to the movie Bambi. I also hated it because one year I ran out the front door of my uncle's house to see three deer hung upside down with their insides hanging out. I yelled at everyone that they killed Santa's reindeer! That is … [Read more...]

The Dark Night of Life

I know that everyone is ready to lay around in despair over the election results tomorrow, so I should try to write something upbeat and positive. Unfortunately, that just isn't how my life works. Upbeat and positive are two things that my life rarely is. I was abandoned by my father before I was born so I was raised by a single mother who worked all the time, I was sexually abused as a small child and I am an only child so I spent most of my childhood alone. I wasn't exactly set up for a life … [Read more...]

Loving Your Spouse in the Desert

A few weeks ago I was cleaning the bookshelf in my living room and I found this picture of me and my husband on the night of New Year's Eve 2010. I hardly recognized the two people in that picture and the happiness that exuded out of our smiles. We were so happy. I don't even think that happy is the right word to describe us that night. New Year's Eve is my favorite holiday, we were new Catholics, newlyweds and we were having the time of our lives at our Parish New Year's Eve dance. The dance … [Read more...]

When God Laughs

I am off of work today after getting up at 6am since last Sunday for training. Every single day. I know this isn't a big deal for a lot of women who do this daily and blog and raise kids and are pregnant, but it's a big deal for me because I haven't done anything but write and cook dinner for that last 8 years.I was so ready to sit in bed and drink my coffee while watching the news until I was ready to get up to go get breakfast tacos with my husband (who I haven't really seen all week). My … [Read more...]

Will We Let Fear Win

“I plead with you--never, ever give up on hope, never doubt, never tire, and never become discouraged. Be not afraid.” ~ St. Pope John Paul IIYesterday I wrote a piece for Aleteia about the shootings of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile being a pro-life matter. I explained my personal experience of fear when getting pulled over by police officers as a Hispanic woman. I wrote it hoping that people would read my words and not add all the other words and rhetoric of the day to it. I was … [Read more...]

Friendships: the Casualty of Crisis

Here are just a few of the issues that I have been dealing with in the last few years:The death of my best friend A boyfriend in Iraq and then Afghanistan Wartime PTSD Child Trauma related PTSD The death of my boyfriend's mother A DWI Converting to Catholicism A wedding The death of my husband's father and grandmother The death of my husband's best friend The fallout from grief and PTSD Mental illnesses (those of others as well as mine) People's … [Read more...]

Through the Clouds

On Sunday I wrote a blog post abut how I didn't see how God is ever on my side and today He reminded me of all the ways that He has been on my side my entire life, even when I was refusing to give one crap about His rules and regulations. How He gave me the Grace to survive the worst things that can happen to a person and how He gave me great people in my life to help me when I was tired of fighting him. One of those reminders came in hugging Noe, who showed me what loving Jesus looks like by … [Read more...]