Broken

My best friend Candie Flores and my husband do not read books. They just don't. So when one of them says "hey, I'm reading this book and it's really good", I listen.Last week Candie texted me about this book called "The Year of Magical Thinking" by Joan Didion and told me that it was really good. It's about grief and how so many people feel the need to shove their grief down for the sake of others' happiness. Also how we as a culture reward people who seem to "move on" and be "strong" which … [Read more...]

Book Review- Healing Promises: The Essential Guide to the Sacred Heart

The first Mass when I realized there was something special about Communion was at my Tio Roy's parish in Three Rivers, Texas. I was the maid of honor for my cousins's wedding at the age of fourteen. I had no interest in Catholicism since I considered myself still Baptist at the time. In fact, I was pretty anti-Catholic, but for the first time in my life I looked at my cousin and her new husband receiving Communion and wondered why I was not allowed to receive. I also wondered what was so special … [Read more...]

A Note From Way Back Here

It was the 4th of July 1994, I was seventeen and 9 months pregnant with my first child. My best friend and her family invited me to the local fireworks show that evening. I managed to somehow get my very pregnant self on the hood of her car (you know your friend loves you when she allows you to get on the hood of her car when you are that big) to watch the fireworks go off.I was just a child myself waiting on my baby to be born. I had no idea what our life together was going to look like. I … [Read more...]

Two days ago I had a really bad day. Every single wound I have ever had in my life surfaced on some level in a matter of  hours. My sexual abuse as a child, worry for my child, the relationship with my mother, the grief of my Tio and Tia, drama on social media and the news that someone I care about is ill, all collided and I was emotionally overloaded. I sat in my car crying and wondering when all this was going to end. When Lord?I was also very hungry so my husband took me out to dinner at … [Read more...]

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/throughbrokenroses/2017/02/24/1987/

Rejecting God

It's no secret to anyone who has been reading my blog these past ten months that my uncle's death has sent me into a crisis of faith. I am not really sure if "crisis" is the right word because it isn't like I am struggling to believe in God, His Goodness or that everything that happens in my life will help save me, even the suffering because God has to power to do that. I know all of these things. So what is my problem? I am not sure but I had a little bit of an aha moment about what my "crisis" … [Read more...]

Waiting

A few weeks ago I went deer hunting for the first time in my entire life. I grew up in the country, in a town that is full of city folk visiting deer leases every fall to try and shoot themselves a trophy buck to mount on their wall. I hated it when I was a kid thanks to the movie Bambi. I also hated it because one year I ran out the front door of my uncle's house to see three deer hung upside down with their insides hanging out. I yelled at everyone that they killed Santa's reindeer! That is … [Read more...]

The Dark Night of Life

I know that everyone is ready to lay around in despair over the election results tomorrow, so I should try to write something upbeat and positive. Unfortunately, that just isn't how my life works. Upbeat and positive are two things that my life rarely is. I was abandoned by my father before I was born so I was raised by a single mother who worked all the time, I was sexually abused as a small child and I am an only child so I spent most of my childhood alone. I wasn't exactly set up for a life … [Read more...]

Did I Die? Let Me Count The Ways

By now most of you must have heard the leaked tape where Donald Trump explains to Billy Bush that he often kisses women without permission and grabs them by their genitals as they both die with laughter at how funny that is.I was pretty upset about that tape, but not because I am a prude or even that I am shocked that men talk like that. When Billy Bush says "will you give him a hug" while holding back giggles, I remembered all the times that I was the girl who was the butt of jokes between … [Read more...]

When Did I Lose Myself?

I watched my three year old granddaughter today. She ran around in the living room with no care in the world. She played with the dogs, watched Netflix, ate cereal and made me laugh. She is full of personality at this age and she is beautiful. I don't just say this because she is my grandchild and the spitting image of me, but because she can hypnotize me with her smile. She has a perfect complexion,  perfect hair and her head is so big but it fits on her tiny little body anyway. And then, … [Read more...]

When God Dedicates Songs to You

Today I was sitting in the car with my two youngest sons and this song came on the radio that we all love, it’s one of our favorite songs as a family, and I thought about when I first heard that song and how exactly it became an anthem in the lives of my kids.My youngest child was born in 2001 when I worked at Hooters. I spent the first month of her life going from the NICU to my mom’s house to care for my other three children because she was a preemie. I was really tired and driving only a f … [Read more...]