The Tomb of Grief

Last week I wrote about what happened the day that my son Anthony died by committing suicide, it had been five very fast but extremely heavy weeks. Today it’s six weeks and a day after the one year anniversary of my uncle’s death. To sum up how this last year has been let me tell you a story: the neighbor told me yesterday that the cat my dead uncle gave to my now dead kid was found dead months ago by the mailboxes. That is a lot of death in one sentence, if it’s hard to read, just try living in … [Read more...]

Grief part 27

Here's the thing that a lot of people do not get about losing people you love. Who you love has nothing to do with who someone else loves. For instance, you may think that losing an aunt is no big deal because you aunts are all crazy and you haven't talked to any of them in 13 years. I get that. I have 8 aunts that are my mother's sisters who I have not talked to in a decade and who are all insane. I have one uncle that I haven't seen in maybe twenty years. But my Tio Roy was like a father to … [Read more...]

Waiting

A few weeks ago I went deer hunting for the first time in my entire life. I grew up in the country, in a town that is full of city folk visiting deer leases every fall to try and shoot themselves a trophy buck to mount on their wall. I hated it when I was a kid thanks to the movie Bambi. I also hated it because one year I ran out the front door of my uncle's house to see three deer hung upside down with their insides hanging out. I yelled at everyone that they killed Santa's reindeer! That is … [Read more...]

Did I Die? Let Me Count The Ways

By now most of you must have heard the leaked tape where Donald Trump explains to Billy Bush that he often kisses women without permission and grabs them by their genitals as they both die with laughter at how funny that is.I was pretty upset about that tape, but not because I am a prude or even that I am shocked that men talk like that. When Billy Bush says "will you give him a hug" while holding back giggles, I remembered all the times that I was the girl who was the butt of jokes between … [Read more...]

One of the Stages of Grief: Anger

I am over at Aleteia talking about grief and how I used to try and say all the "right things" to others who were mourning the loss of something they loved.Grief is a very difficult thing to deal with because it is so personal that it's different for each of us, even if we lost the same person. We are each different, how we handle our emotions is different and who that person was to us is different.My uncle was my Tio Roy to me. He was mean, made fun of me, scared the shit out of me but … [Read more...]

Death Does Not Win

Three months ago I sat by the bedside in a hospice and witnessed the most terrifying thing of my entire life as I watched my Tio Roy take his last breaths. His death scared me and the sounds, smells and loss of life haunts me. But even in the middle of all that I saw beauty, holiness, God's Faithfulness, the beginning of a new life and so much joyful love. I learned why I'm Catholic. It's not to impress anyone, it is to die with dignity and love for God like my Tio did. It is to leave behind … [Read more...]

Will We Let Fear Win

“I plead with you--never, ever give up on hope, never doubt, never tire, and never become discouraged. Be not afraid.” ~ St. Pope John Paul IIYesterday I wrote a piece for Aleteia about the shootings of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile being a pro-life matter. I explained my personal experience of fear when getting pulled over by police officers as a Hispanic woman. I wrote it hoping that people would read my words and not add all the other words and rhetoric of the day to it. I was … [Read more...]

Abortion, Religion and Politics

So I wrote this blog post the other day, some of you may have read it.... the combox has 105 comments in it as of now. That is a crazy combox. I have read some of the comments and if I am going to be truly honest, I am so honored to be defended by pro-choicers who understood that I am 1. not a loser and 2. still against abortion. If there is one thing that makes putting myself the target of public scrutiny it is seeing people who don't agree with me on a certain issue, like abortion, actually … [Read more...]

I am No Longer Pro-life

 I used to be really involved in the Pro-life movement; I even worked in a Crisis Pregnancy Center where I worked with an amazing pro-life doctor and one of the holiest women that I know. It was a great job and I loved every minute that I spent talking to women who were scared that they couldn’t mother the children growing in their wombs. I loved seeing all that fear melt away when they saw the baby on the monitor during their sonogram. I loved seeing them feel cared for by a good d … [Read more...]

Waiting for Redemption

Grief is such a bitch. That’s the only way that I can describe it. In therapy last week I emotionally vomited on my therapist about my uncle’s death. I also talked to Jennifer Fulwiler about it on her show. The two talks were a bit different and frankly, ya’ll all should thank my therapist because if it wasn’t for her, my therapy session would have been what you heard on Jen’s show. That would not have been pretty.My faith tells me that my Tio is in the hands of God which means that he is in … [Read more...]