Two days ago I had a really bad day. Every single wound I have ever had in my life surfaced on some level in a matter of  hours. My sexual abuse as a child, worry for my child, the relationship with my mother, the grief of my Tio and Tia, drama on social media and the news that someone I care about is ill, all collided and I was emotionally overloaded. I sat in my car crying and wondering when all this was going to end. When Lord?I was also very hungry so my husband took me out to dinner at … [Read more...]

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/throughbrokenroses/2017/02/24/1987/

How I found Myself

 Last night I wrote this post about losing myself. I went to bed thinking about it and thanking God that it seems like everything is peaceful. Then I woke up and realized that this isn't always how it will be. There will be more problems, more kids leaving and growing and changing. Aaliyah will grow up and won't remind me of the most innocent version of myself. She will be her own person with her own opinions, flaws and heartaches. Something will happen, she will be heartbroken and she … [Read more...]

What do I know? What is Real?

I have an amazing therapist. In the  three and a half years that I have been seeing her, she has helped to recognize  when my scared little girl self is trying to convince me that nobody loves because I am unworthy of being loved and tell her to go take a nap.When I first started seeing her it was because my husband and I were on the verge of divorce. Actually it was worse than divorce, it was war. We were in a cycle of revenge and getting back at each other while both trying to get … [Read more...]

When God Dedicates Songs to You

Today I was sitting in the car with my two youngest sons and this song came on the radio that we all love, it’s one of our favorite songs as a family, and I thought about when I first heard that song and how exactly it became an anthem in the lives of my kids.My youngest child was born in 2001 when I worked at Hooters. I spent the first month of her life going from the NICU to my mom’s house to care for my other three children because she was a preemie. I was really tired and driving only a f … [Read more...]

When God Laughs

I am off of work today after getting up at 6am since last Sunday for training. Every single day. I know this isn't a big deal for a lot of women who do this daily and blog and raise kids and are pregnant, but it's a big deal for me because I haven't done anything but write and cook dinner for that last 8 years.I was so ready to sit in bed and drink my coffee while watching the news until I was ready to get up to go get breakfast tacos with my husband (who I haven't really seen all week). My … [Read more...]

Sometimes God Does Not Let Things Go

I'm going back to waiting tables. I am not really sure how it happened really, but I know that I need the money, my family needs the money and that it's the only job that I enjoy doing besides writing. Office jobs make me want to jump off a bridge.If you remember, I went back to work last year around this time and waited tables as well as worked an office job. I was not very happy about it. I was in a lot of pain because my feet almost fell off.This year so many things are different. I … [Read more...]

I need to Know how to Love Jackwagons

I had great plans on how exactly Friday morning was going to go down. Pope Francis was dropping an exhortation and I was going to be one of the first people to read it (well, one of the first among us bloggers who don't get to read it before it is open to the public) and it was going to be great. I love papal documents.  I was so excited, like a kid on Christmas morning. I have a whole system in place and I can't sleep the night before, it's awesome.Then my uncle got sick and was put in ICU … [Read more...]

Divine Mercy Indeed

Right now in this moment, life is perfect. I had this aha moment sometime during Lent about living in my life.I think that I have been living my life in the past, mulling over all my mistakes and regrets as I wished to go back in time to be 17, 19, 21 or 30 again. I wanted to be skinny again, have the same style again and/or go back out to clubs again. Changes in life have been hard on me. I never really learned how to mother my children from a place of being mentally healthy. I also didn't … [Read more...]

Authentic Feminism

I have been watching Scandal and other Shondaland shows for a long time wondering what exactly is it that people have such an issue with. I mean, I know why people have an issue with them, but at the same time I don't get why there is shock that our culture is producing these kinds of shows with this idea of what it means to be a woman in this time in history in the United States.What I realized is that most of Shondaland shows promote this idea of female empowerment that I know for a fact … [Read more...]

Reconciliation

Reconciliation is what the best moments in life are made of. When we are without a loved one for a very long time and then we know we will be back together with them everything else in the world stops.In May of 2008 I counted down the days until my childhood boyfriend would land in Austin, Texas from Iraq and I would see him for the first time in 17 years. For those 17 years I thought of him, wondered what he was doing, where he was living and what would have happened if he had married me. I … [Read more...]