The Tomb of Grief

Last week I wrote about what happened the day that my son Anthony died by committing suicide, it had been five very fast but extremely heavy weeks. Today it’s six weeks and a day after the one year anniversary of my uncle’s death. To sum up how this last year has been let me tell you a story: the neighbor told me yesterday that the cat my dead uncle gave to my now dead kid was found dead months ago by the mailboxes. That is a lot of death in one sentence, if it’s hard to read, just try living in … [Read more...]

Grief part 27

Here's the thing that a lot of people do not get about losing people you love. Who you love has nothing to do with who someone else loves. For instance, you may think that losing an aunt is no big deal because you aunts are all crazy and you haven't talked to any of them in 13 years. I get that. I have 8 aunts that are my mother's sisters who I have not talked to in a decade and who are all insane. I have one uncle that I haven't seen in maybe twenty years. But my Tio Roy was like a father to … [Read more...]

Waiting

A few weeks ago I went deer hunting for the first time in my entire life. I grew up in the country, in a town that is full of city folk visiting deer leases every fall to try and shoot themselves a trophy buck to mount on their wall. I hated it when I was a kid thanks to the movie Bambi. I also hated it because one year I ran out the front door of my uncle's house to see three deer hung upside down with their insides hanging out. I yelled at everyone that they killed Santa's reindeer! That is … [Read more...]

One of the Stages of Grief: Anger

I am over at Aleteia talking about grief and how I used to try and say all the "right things" to others who were mourning the loss of something they loved.Grief is a very difficult thing to deal with because it is so personal that it's different for each of us, even if we lost the same person. We are each different, how we handle our emotions is different and who that person was to us is different.My uncle was my Tio Roy to me. He was mean, made fun of me, scared the shit out of me but … [Read more...]

Death Does Not Win

Three months ago I sat by the bedside in a hospice and witnessed the most terrifying thing of my entire life as I watched my Tio Roy take his last breaths. His death scared me and the sounds, smells and loss of life haunts me. But even in the middle of all that I saw beauty, holiness, God's Faithfulness, the beginning of a new life and so much joyful love. I learned why I'm Catholic. It's not to impress anyone, it is to die with dignity and love for God like my Tio did. It is to leave behind … [Read more...]

Waiting for Redemption

Grief is such a bitch. That’s the only way that I can describe it. In therapy last week I emotionally vomited on my therapist about my uncle’s death. I also talked to Jennifer Fulwiler about it on her show. The two talks were a bit different and frankly, ya’ll all should thank my therapist because if it wasn’t for her, my therapy session would have been what you heard on Jen’s show. That would not have been pretty.My faith tells me that my Tio is in the hands of God which means that he is in … [Read more...]

Things I’m Over

#1 The electionLook, Hillary is going to win the election and I've known this for a very long time. I had long decided that I didn't care about this election because I have known in my bones that that was the case. But then Rubio entered and there I was all sucked up in the drama. I've been a Hispanic woman my entire life so the one thing that I have always known is that our election system is stacked against the individual voter, especially us poor ones. I think more people are beginning to … [Read more...]

Everything Changes: The Last Year of My 30’s

 Tomorrow is my 39th birthday. It will be the first day of the rest of my thirties. Usually by now I have thought about everything I’ve been through in the last year and reflected on where I was last birthday and where I plan to go from here. I haven’t done that this year, until this morning.I am infamous for planning my own birthday parties, which I did this year for the first time in a long time. I am excited to see friends and eat at a legendary dancehall in downtown Austin be … [Read more...]

Fourteen Years

14 years. Wow. 14 years ago I was married to Ben 8 months pregnant with my last child and on my way to work at Hooters when the first plane hit. Ben and I were fighting about getting the kids ready and Regis and Kelley were on in the background. We both noticed that something was going on and stopped what we were doing to figure out what it was. Slowly the news of a plane crash started coming in and then the second plane hit and then news of another plane hitting the Pentegon. The confusion of … [Read more...]

I'm Gonna Sit Right Here

I have talked about and written a lot about my friend Homer Munoz who died on May 6, 2007 at 1:30 in the morning after missing a stop sign and flipping his truck into a ditch. I will probably write about him every single year on this day for the rest of my life.The more years that pass, the more I realize what it was about Homie exactly that made me love him so much. He treated me like a person. Of all the assholes that I was sleeping with and the men that I knew, he was the only one who … [Read more...]