Two days ago I had a really bad day. Every single wound I have ever had in my life surfaced on some level in a matter of  hours. My sexual abuse as a child, worry for my child, the relationship with my mother, the grief of my Tio and Tia, drama on social media and the news that someone I care about is ill, all collided and I was emotionally overloaded. I sat in my car crying and wondering when all this was going to end. When Lord?I was also very hungry so my husband took me out to dinner at … [Read more...]

Rejecting God

It's no secret to anyone who has been reading my blog these past ten months that my uncle's death has sent me into a crisis of faith. I am not really sure if "crisis" is the right word because it isn't like I am struggling to believe in God, His Goodness or that everything that happens in my life will help save me, even the suffering because God has to power to do that. I know all of these things. So what is my problem? I am not sure but I had a little bit of an aha moment about what my "crisis" … [Read more...]

The Dark Night of Life

I know that everyone is ready to lay around in despair over the election results tomorrow, so I should try to write something upbeat and positive. Unfortunately, that just isn't how my life works. Upbeat and positive are two things that my life rarely is. I was abandoned by my father before I was born so I was raised by a single mother who worked all the time, I was sexually abused as a small child and I am an only child so I spent most of my childhood alone. I wasn't exactly set up for a life … [Read more...]

Sometimes God Does Not Let Things Go

I'm going back to waiting tables. I am not really sure how it happened really, but I know that I need the money, my family needs the money and that it's the only job that I enjoy doing besides writing. Office jobs make me want to jump off a bridge.If you remember, I went back to work last year around this time and waited tables as well as worked an office job. I was not very happy about it. I was in a lot of pain because my feet almost fell off.This year so many things are different. I … [Read more...]

Holy Saturday: When Love and Mercy defeat Fear and Lies

I have had the best week. It's been a Holy Week full of Grace and love. It all began when I finally went to confession and Mass for the first time in months. I have spent so much of the last 3 days thinking about my life and what God has done for me.6 years ago I became Catholic and it was one of the best nights of my life. I have learned so many lessons. I have had ups and downs, I have failed at being kind, failed at being a friend, failed to be a witness of Christ and I have failed to … [Read more...]


Reconciliation is what the best moments in life are made of. When we are without a loved one for a very long time and then we know we will be back together with them everything else in the world stops.In May of 2008 I counted down the days until my childhood boyfriend would land in Austin, Texas from Iraq and I would see him for the first time in 17 years. For those 17 years I thought of him, wondered what he was doing, where he was living and what would have happened if he had married me. I … [Read more...]

Everything Changes: The Last Year of My 30’s

 Tomorrow is my 39th birthday. It will be the first day of the rest of my thirties. Usually by now I have thought about everything I’ve been through in the last year and reflected on where I was last birthday and where I plan to go from here. I haven’t done that this year, until this morning.I am infamous for planning my own birthday parties, which I did this year for the first time in a long time. I am excited to see friends and eat at a legendary dancehall in downtown Austin be … [Read more...]

The Things God Does

God never ceases to amaze me. Really. I go to the mail to see if any of my pending checks have come in because we are running pretty close to having things shut off again and there was nothing. As I walk back to the house I tell God "it's all nice and all to say this is spiritual warfare and everything but you know the light company doesn't really accept 'God is gonna pay this light bill somehow, I just have to have faith', no, they cut that shit off so it would be helpful if I could get paid … [Read more...]

Letting Go

I have often heard the saying “Let go and let God” and I’ve never really understood what it meant. I mean, I understand the words, but the concept didn’t ever really make sense to me. Today as I was cleaning my kitchen I got this email from the leader of my al-anon group with today’s thought. A bread crumb. See, God speaks to me in hints or puzzle pieces and I have to figure out what He is trying to get across to me.Yesterday when I went to therapy my therapist told me to thi … [Read more...]

God Will Do Anything

It's been a very long time since I have felt on fire for my faith. I love Jesus and I know He is real and that He is my savior. I know it in the same way that I can't put into words. God is very good to me. Every day, He does something to show me that He loves me. However, life has been hard. Very hard. I feel like I'm living in a perpetual obstacle course and I'm so tired. I can honestly say that y'all's donations, emails, word of encouragement and just all around love have lit that … [Read more...]