Two days ago I had a really bad day. Every single wound I have ever had in my life surfaced on some level in a matter of  hours. My sexual abuse as a child, worry for my child, the relationship with my mother, the grief of my Tio and Tia, drama on social media and the news that someone I care about is ill, all collided and I was emotionally overloaded. I sat in my car crying and wondering when all this was going to end. When Lord?I was also very hungry so my husband took me out to dinner at … [Read more...]

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/throughbrokenroses/2017/02/24/1987/

Rejecting God

It's no secret to anyone who has been reading my blog these past ten months that my uncle's death has sent me into a crisis of faith. I am not really sure if "crisis" is the right word because it isn't like I am struggling to believe in God, His Goodness or that everything that happens in my life will help save me, even the suffering because God has to power to do that. I know all of these things. So what is my problem? I am not sure but I had a little bit of an aha moment about what my "crisis" … [Read more...]

How I found Myself

 Last night I wrote this post about losing myself. I went to bed thinking about it and thanking God that it seems like everything is peaceful. Then I woke up and realized that this isn't always how it will be. There will be more problems, more kids leaving and growing and changing. Aaliyah will grow up and won't remind me of the most innocent version of myself. She will be her own person with her own opinions, flaws and heartaches. Something will happen, she will be heartbroken and she … [Read more...]

When Did I Lose Myself?

I watched my three year old granddaughter today. She ran around in the living room with no care in the world. She played with the dogs, watched Netflix, ate cereal and made me laugh. She is full of personality at this age and she is beautiful. I don't just say this because she is my grandchild and the spitting image of me, but because she can hypnotize me with her smile. She has a perfect complexion,  perfect hair and her head is so big but it fits on her tiny little body anyway. And then, … [Read more...]

What do I know? What is Real?

I have an amazing therapist. In the  three and a half years that I have been seeing her, she has helped to recognize  when my scared little girl self is trying to convince me that nobody loves because I am unworthy of being loved and tell her to go take a nap.When I first started seeing her it was because my husband and I were on the verge of divorce. Actually it was worse than divorce, it was war. We were in a cycle of revenge and getting back at each other while both trying to get … [Read more...]

When God Dedicates Songs to You

Today I was sitting in the car with my two youngest sons and this song came on the radio that we all love, it’s one of our favorite songs as a family, and I thought about when I first heard that song and how exactly it became an anthem in the lives of my kids.My youngest child was born in 2001 when I worked at Hooters. I spent the first month of her life going from the NICU to my mom’s house to care for my other three children because she was a preemie. I was really tired and driving only a f … [Read more...]

Ronda Rousey, Spiritual Attack, Mother Teresa and The Risk of Protest

 I have had this book, Daring Greatly by  Brené Brown on my nightstand for months now. It sits along with How to Be Holy by Dr. Peter Kreeft. I haven't read the Brene Brown book. I felt like I wasn't ready for it because I have a lot of fear in my soul right now. That fear created this huge ball of anger in me that made me not give a shit about being holy anymore. Which is why I haven't read Dr. Kreeft's book. Not that I don't think I need to be holy, but just that I don't feel like I am … [Read more...]

Catholic Writing, Brands and Authenticity

Waiting tables is a story of how different things are "behind the scenes" verses what the world sees. The world saw working at Hooters as either a fight for women's liberation or proof of how men objectify women. I saw it as a way to take care of my kids and keep a roof over our head. The behind the scenes of most restaurants looks a lot different than what the public sees. How servers act in front of tables is totally different than how they really are. A waiter can smile and nod to a table and … [Read more...]

In the Wake of The World’s Tragedies

  I have been working almost every day for the last few weeks. My days off are full of a million things to do, so I haven't really been able to keep up with all the internet happenings. News goes really fast in the online world. A week is like a year and news blows up, everyone discusses it, we decide what we are pissed about and then lament about it for days. Then we are off to the next thing. I don't know if this is exclusive to Catholic online life or if it goes for … [Read more...]

Being Joyful Through The Pain, Remembering that I am Loved

I have been feeling pretty low lately. I don't feel loved or appreciated by my family, there's a real break in the relationship with my older son, my husband and I aren't in the best place and my mom and I are not really talking. Things with my mom are complicated to say the least and I have come to realize that I can only balance so much and currently she isn't someone that I can deal with. I'm guessing that is how my son feels which is why I'm giving him his space, but it doesn't change the … [Read more...]