Two days ago I had a really bad day. Every single wound I have ever had in my life surfaced on some level in a matter of ┬áhours. My sexual abuse as a child, worry for my child, the relationship with my mother, the grief of my Tio and Tia, drama on social media and the news that someone I care about is ill, all collided and I was emotionally overloaded. I sat in my car crying and wondering when all this was going to end. When Lord?I was also very hungry so my husband took me out to dinner at … [Read more...]

Rejecting God

It's no secret to anyone who has been reading my blog these past ten months that my uncle's death has sent me into a crisis of faith. I am not really sure if "crisis" is the right word because it isn't like I am struggling to believe in God, His Goodness or that everything that happens in my life will help save me, even the suffering because God has to power to do that. I know all of these things. So what is my problem? I am not sure but I had a little bit of an aha moment about what my "crisis" … [Read more...]

The Dark Night of Life

I know that everyone is ready to lay around in despair over the election results tomorrow, so I should try to write something upbeat and positive. Unfortunately, that just isn't how my life works. Upbeat and positive are two things that my life rarely is. I was abandoned by my father before I was born so I was raised by a single mother who worked all the time, I was sexually abused as a small child and I am an only child so I spent most of my childhood alone. I wasn't exactly set up for a life … [Read more...]

Death Does Not Win

Three months ago I sat by the bedside in a hospice and witnessed the most terrifying thing of my entire life as I watched my Tio Roy take his last breaths. His death scared me and the sounds, smells and loss of life haunts me. But even in the middle of all that I saw beauty, holiness, God's Faithfulness, the beginning of a new life and so much joyful love. I learned why I'm Catholic. It's not to impress anyone, it is to die with dignity and love for God like my Tio did. It is to leave behind … [Read more...]

Friendships: the Casualty of Crisis

Here are just a few of the issues that I have been dealing with in the last few years:The death of my best friend A boyfriend in Iraq and then Afghanistan Wartime PTSD Child Trauma related PTSD The death of my boyfriend's mother A DWI Converting to Catholicism A wedding The death of my husband's father and grandmother The death of my husband's best friend The fallout from grief and PTSD Mental illnesses (those of others as well as mine) People's … [Read more...]

Through the Clouds

On Sunday I wrote a blog post abut how I didn't see how God is ever on my side and today He reminded me of all the ways that He has been on my side my entire life, even when I was refusing to give one crap about His rules and regulations. How He gave me the Grace to survive the worst things that can happen to a person and how He gave me great people in my life to help me when I was tired of fighting him. One of those reminders came in hugging Noe, who showed me what loving Jesus looks like by … [Read more...]

The Root of It All

When I was younger I went to a Baptist Church. I really did come to know the truth about God and salvation there, but I never felt like I fit in or like I was doing the Christian thing right. I was 11 years old quoting Scripture like a street evangelist. I would carry my bible around with me telling people about the fires of hell waiting for those who didn't give their lives to Jesus. Other kids were collecting baseball cards and I was collecting chick tracts.I am not sure what triggered it, … [Read more...]

Lent 2016, When I tried to Give God the Silent Treatment

I have not been to Mass this entire Lent. Part of me thought that this was my idea. I should know better by now that God is always behind everything that happens in my life. He didn't find me in the midst of sin and misery to just let me go back to it because I am being a baby throwing a fit about how hard following Him is.My car's motor busted a few days before Ash Wednesday and I decided that life is too hard when trying to be Catholic. I look around and see the lives of people who don't … [Read more...]

Book Review: Operating on Faithby Matt Weber

 Operating on Faith by Matt Weber is a memoir about suffering, marriage, love and what happens in life when you think everything is perfect.I will be honest, I didn't really think that I would relate much to a book written by someone who pretty much seemed to have everything so well together. As I began reading this book the author spoke about his perfect life, his parents who are still together and his wonderful Texas engagement party in Houston, Texas, which is my favorite Texas … [Read more...]

7 QT’s The 40th Friday of Lent

1. I haven't really ever considered how different writing for Patheos is from just writing on my own little unknown blog. People who read my writing when I first started blogging knew what my posts were going to be like since my blog's name was Ramblings of a Crazy Face. I changed that name when I came over to Patheos and I guess that means that now people expect me to make "cogent arguments". Well, I hate to break it to ya'll, but I am still rambling like a crazy face because that is how I … [Read more...]