The Tony Jones Blog at Patheos
Who says Flash is dead?
HT: Doug Pagitt
Or the best!
No, the worst. On the other hand, however, its awfulness serves as an effective introduction to the type of pastor-personality-driven MultiMediaMinistry (TM) they seem to offer, so if you’re not into that, you don’t have to waste a trip out there on a Sunday morning.
I particularly like the focus on Excellence, as if they were a financial planning firm or employment agency.
Gah! My eyes!
And my ears!
My iPhone won’t let me view flash :/
This website is the reason why Apple didn’t want you to have Flash.
consider yourself lucky
My favorite part is when they show me the church building, then zoom into the auditorium with the church building displayed on screen, and then zoom in on the screen so we’re back at the church building. This is probably where Christopher Nolan got the idea for inception (only he didn’t even know it!).
You can’t know its been an inception for the idea to really take root!
They have a first lady. . .
OMG. It is amazing. I guess they grew up with star wars.
Yeah, you mean the most AWESOME church website in the world! Seriously, the intro had me floored, but then when they loaded the home page and that guitar solo came in . . .
That guitar solo after the intro was most EXCELLENT! (said bill to ted).
It’s practically seizure-inducing before you even get past the intro screen. I feel as if I’m drowning in tact.
Yeah, I should have had a warning for epileptics.
Yeah, –definitely– a seizure warning for epileptics – especially the migraine type. Well, back to vomiting.
They probably paid beaucoup bucks for this, too. The sad thing is, knowing this type of church, the website probably reflects them pretty accurately.
My cheeks hurt from smiling the whole time I was exploring the site
Oh, a white bishop and his wife leading all those black people. And the white bishop is actually the son of the founder….. and his wife is a first lady…..
Wow, so much thanks for sharing….I have to post on FB
I love how people were being teleported out of there. Scotty beaming them up = “the elect”?
denominational acrostic???…A.D.H.D. temple….anyone?
PRESS START TO BEGIN
Oh my. That was so disturbing – like a bad 80’s movie trailer mixed with the old video game Tempest (and did anyone notice that the silhouette of the statue when first flashed looks a bit like the playboy bunny?). It doesn’t get any better on the links either. I loved the Bishop’s ministry page, with the emphasis on the bling on his hand.
“All your monies is ours”!
So much to love about this – but I think my favorite thing is the slideshow of the pastor in the upper left hand corner.
This is where having an iPad comes in handy.
Sent from my iPad.
Omg. Motion sickness.
yikes! Excuse me, I think my ears are bleeding…
Are we making fun of Christian brothers and sisters? What’s constructive about this? A very lame blogpost!
Looking at their statement of faith and their doctrinal statement I suspect that they would not consider me a Christian brother, since I’m not a Pentecostal and can’t stand Joel Osteen. Also, since I’m a professional software developer I’m rendering my professional judgement on that joke of a website. Whatever they paid for it, and I suspect that it was quite a lot, was way too much.
I guess no one saw that the developer was “award winning”! Apparently this church gave him the award! ugghh.
I never intend to visit your site and click a link and have a seizure…but I guess it can’t be helped! Gah my eyes!!!
Reminds me of Space invaders.
The website is tacky and yes, seizure inducing. But it is also a sad and horrific indication that their Christianity is aimed at a certain “market”, confirmed by their lovely clothes, flashy rings, and the diamond like earrings on the “first lady”. What happened to the “be all things to all people in the hope that you may win some”? They show one thing only and that is wealth, prestige, money, and a huge lack of understanding that most people in the world live under their financial balance sheet. Sorry. I’m sick of this Las Vegas Christianity.
That’s what they REALLY mean by “Excellence”
If Tim and Eric (of “Tim and Eric Awesome Show”) ever designed a church promo video, it would probably look like that!
I get up in the morning and piss excellence.
LOL – choice, Charlie. Most “excellent” 😉
Holy crap. Did you all look at their Camelot building? That actually really upset me. What a waste of a church’s money.
My honest, gut reaction… “holy s**t, where’s my seizure medicine?
Ugh, nothing like the prosperity gospel to make one sick.
Noticed that they have a computer ministry… perhaps the source of the web design???
I was actually dizzy after about 20 seconds
Actually, check out the web designer’s portfolio:
There’s a button for “Religion” examples and EVERY church website they’ve created is just as terrible. What’s worse, most other sites they’ve made are only toned down a little (check the fraternities and sororities), and all are flash-based. Even some of the business sites have intro videos / splash screens. Who DOES that anymore?
Oh yeah this is what Jesus wants of us….
I feel ill…
You are right sir. I’m conservative and in thirty seconds I was nauseous. Go ahead and laugh.
Basically, everything that’s wrong with Christianity condensed into a handy Flash video. Ridiculous in every possible way.
LOL Tony – it’s only funny until these people design an entire flash-based heresy hunting site and aim it at patheos and you out of indignation for this thread 😉
I should have taken some motion-sickness meds before clicking the link! Did I notice the rapture occurring before the rock music kicked in?
Hilarious! But what am I going to do about this migraine now?
Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. That especially applies to FLASH. As a web designer from the dot com era, I’ve hated FLASH for over a decade. It’s demise cannot come fast enough.
terrible website, indeed. but it’s got nothing on this one. not even sure it’s a real church, but it has something to do with Christianity. best viewed in Internet Explorer with the sound turned up! http://www.dokimos.org/ajff/
The website is deeply, profoundly, high-heels-and-lime-green-spandex-leggings tacky.
And it doesn’t work on iOS devices because of the Flash.
And it demonstrates a profound misunderstanding of the Web as an interactive medium. You scan pages and browse as a kind of zoned-out mind-wandering, quickly locating the content you need. That’s how it works: It reacts to your thought process intuitively.
You DON’T, on the web, passively listen to television-style voice-overs while distracting animations slide unpredictably this way and that like so many bikini-clad baby-oil wrestlers…only to have your attention yanked away by a new distraction as slogans excised from cheesy motivational posters drift disturbingly before one’s eyes like a bunch of pink elephants on parade.
Seeing all that, I miss the soothing zen of dancing hamsters.
And sadly there is strong indication that it reflects the style of the church and the leadership.
(What nights does Bishop Wayne Newton preach? Or is it Brother Siegfried & Brother Roy?)
Little children, God is Love. Be still and know that He is God.
Amen! Well said, and well written! Love your poetic justice! God bless.
You should have warned us about the volume. 😮 Ear-splitting and it wasn’t even up all the way on my laptop! YiPeS! What a horrid and egotistic website. So sad. And to use the word, “Cathedral” is disturbing! I’ll take the Dome in Rome any day, thank you! I’ll even take the humble little Catholic church in rural Nebraska over this flashy ‘phony’ hype ‘cathedral.’ Lord have mercy.
I’ll get back to you after my seizure has subsided.
Perfect example of the kind of pop Christianity that discourages genuine searchers of truth. It is so easy to gather a big following, if you are not concerned with integrity. Yet, I suppose the leaders of this “church” are convinced of the reality of their faith. I’m not.
That may have just triggered a migraine. Yikes!
I watched maybe 30 seconds of this. One already knows from that much that these people do not understand worship, and in fact do not know what a church is for.
Pingback: Being Dumb Is Bad; Being Mean Is Worse()
1. What's Up with Rob Bell?
2. Is Sojourners for Straights Only?
3. There Are Two Marriages
4. Homoerotic Churches
5. Would John Piper Excommunicate His Son?
6. A Call to Clergy: Stop Performing (Legal) Marriages
7. Mark Driscoll's House of Cards
Follow Patheos on