Possibly the Worst Church Website in the World

Who says Flash is dead?

HT: Doug Pagitt

  • Jay

    Or the best!

    • Steve Florman

      No, the worst. On the other hand, however, its awfulness serves as an effective introduction to the type of pastor-personality-driven MultiMediaMinistry (TM) they seem to offer, so if you’re not into that, you don’t have to waste a trip out there on a Sunday morning.

  • Norm Deplume

    I particularly like the focus on Excellence, as if they were a financial planning firm or employment agency.

  • http://scottpaeth.typepad.com Scott Paeth

    Gah! My eyes!

    • Kristin H

      And my ears!

  • A Medrano

    My iPhone won’t let me view flash :/

    • http://www.caseyandjess.com Casey

      This website is the reason why Apple didn’t want you to have Flash.

    • Jeremy

      consider yourself lucky

  • http://www.jimkastkeat.com/blog Jim Kast-Keat

    My favorite part is when they show me the church building, then zoom into the auditorium with the church building displayed on screen, and then zoom in on the screen so we’re back at the church building. This is probably where Christopher Nolan got the idea for inception (only he didn’t even know it!).

    • Jordan

      You can’t know its been an inception for the idea to really take root!

  • http://gcjeffers.wordpress.com Greg Jeffers

    They have a first lady. . .

  • http://www.MaterialMedia.Net Elizabeth Cauthorn

    OMG. It is amazing. I guess they grew up with star wars.

  • Dan Hauge

    Yeah, you mean the most AWESOME church website in the world! Seriously, the intro had me floored, but then when they loaded the home page and that guitar solo came in . . .

    • http://geoffreyholsclaw.net geoff holsclaw

      That guitar solo after the intro was most EXCELLENT! (said bill to ted).

  • http://theluminousdarkness.blogspot.com/ Zachary W.

    It’s practically seizure-inducing before you even get past the intro screen. I feel as if I’m drowning in tact.

    • http://tonyj.net Tony Jones

      Yeah, I should have had a warning for epileptics.

      • abbie surat

        Yeah, –definitely– a seizure warning for epileptics – especially the migraine type. Well, back to vomiting.

  • http://andrewklee.wordpress.com Andrew K. Lee

    They probably paid beaucoup bucks for this, too. The sad thing is, knowing this type of church, the website probably reflects them pretty accurately.

  • http://LostCodex.com DRT

    My cheeks hurt from smiling the whole time I was exploring the site :)

    Oh, a white bishop and his wife leading all those black people. And the white bishop is actually the son of the founder….. and his wife is a first lady…..

    Wow, so much thanks for sharing….I have to post on FB

  • Adam

    I love how people were being teleported out of there. Scotty beaming them up = “the elect”?

  • josh

    denominational acrostic???…A.D.H.D. temple….anyone?

  • Justin F

    PRESS START TO BEGIN

  • Jeff Moulton

    Oh my. That was so disturbing – like a bad 80′s movie trailer mixed with the old video game Tempest (and did anyone notice that the silhouette of the statue when first flashed looks a bit like the playboy bunny?). It doesn’t get any better on the links either. I loved the Bishop’s ministry page, with the emphasis on the bling on his hand.

    “All your monies is ours”!

  • http://www.thethousandmarch.com Nathan Willard

    So much to love about this – but I think my favorite thing is the slideshow of the pastor in the upper left hand corner.

  • http://davewasson.wordpress.com Dave

    This is where having an iPad comes in handy.

    Sent from my iPad.

  • jason powell

    holy moly!!!!

  • http://patridew.wordpress.com Patricia

    Omg. Motion sickness.

  • Rob Lundquist

    yikes!
    Excuse me, I think my ears are bleeding…

  • http://www.dalefredrickson.com Dale

    Are we making fun of Christian brothers and sisters? What’s constructive about this? A very lame blogpost!

    • Larry Barber

      Looking at their statement of faith and their doctrinal statement I suspect that they would not consider me a Christian brother, since I’m not a Pentecostal and can’t stand Joel Osteen. Also, since I’m a professional software developer I’m rendering my professional judgement on that joke of a website. Whatever they paid for it, and I suspect that it was quite a lot, was way too much.

  • JPL

    Wow.

  • Eric English

    I guess no one saw that the developer was “award winning”! Apparently this church gave him the award! ugghh.

  • http://www.nathanaelvitkus.wordpress.com NathanaelV

    I never intend to visit your site and click a link and have a seizure…but I guess it can’t be helped! Gah my eyes!!!

  • http://www.antechurch.com Joshua Jinno

    Reminds me of Space invaders.

  • Stephen

    The website is tacky and yes, seizure inducing. But it is also a sad and horrific indication that their Christianity is aimed at a certain “market”, confirmed by their lovely clothes, flashy rings, and the diamond like earrings on the “first lady”. What happened to the “be all things to all people in the hope that you may win some”? They show one thing only and that is wealth, prestige, money, and a huge lack of understanding that most people in the world live under their financial balance sheet. Sorry. I’m sick of this Las Vegas Christianity.

    • MarkE

      That’s what they REALLY mean by “Excellence”

  • Sundown

    If Tim and Eric (of “Tim and Eric Awesome Show”) ever designed a church promo video, it would probably look like that!

  • Charlie

    I get up in the morning and piss excellence.

    • Samantha

      yes! :D

    • Heather G

      LOL – choice, Charlie. Most “excellent” ;)

  • Angie Rines

    Holy crap. Did you all look at their Camelot building?
    That actually really upset me. What a waste of a church’s money.

  • http://about.me/iamryno Ryan Smith

    My honest, gut reaction… “holy s**t, where’s my seizure medicine?

  • Carl

    Ugh, nothing like the prosperity gospel to make one sick.

  • Allison

    Noticed that they have a computer ministry… perhaps the source of the web design???

  • http://www.winter60.blogspot.com Lausten North

    I was actually dizzy after about 20 seconds

  • timothy

    Actually, check out the web designer’s portfolio:

    http://www.artisanblue.com/lsg/web-design.html

    There’s a button for “Religion” examples and EVERY church website they’ve created is just as terrible. What’s worse, most other sites they’ve made are only toned down a little (check the fraternities and sororities), and all are flash-based. Even some of the business sites have intro videos / splash screens. Who DOES that anymore?

    Yuck.

    timo d.m.

  • cathy

    Oh yeah this is what Jesus wants of us….

  • http://www.gcdiary.com Paul Clevett

    I feel ill…

  • Chris

    You are right sir. I’m conservative and in thirty seconds I was nauseous. Go ahead and laugh.

  • Jon

    Basically, everything that’s wrong with Christianity condensed into a handy Flash video. Ridiculous in every possible way.

  • Heather G

    LOL Tony – it’s only funny until these people design an entire flash-based heresy hunting site and aim it at patheos and you out of indignation for this thread ;)

  • http://www.thatwitchyplace.com Peter

    I should have taken some motion-sickness meds before clicking the link! Did I notice the rapture occurring before the rock music kicked in?

  • kesmarn

    Hilarious! But what am I going to do about this migraine now?

  • http://kathysviews.blogspot.com Kathy Seidlitz

    Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. That especially applies to FLASH. As a web designer from the dot com era, I’ve hated FLASH for over a decade. It’s demise cannot come fast enough.

  • Chris

    terrible website, indeed. but it’s got nothing on this one. not even sure it’s a real church, but it has something to do with Christianity. best viewed in Internet Explorer with the sound turned up! http://www.dokimos.org/ajff/

    • http://remnantofremnant.blogspot.com priest’s wife (@byzcathwife)

      DOUBLE migraine!

  • R.C.

    The website is deeply, profoundly, high-heels-and-lime-green-spandex-leggings tacky.

    And it doesn’t work on iOS devices because of the Flash.

    And it demonstrates a profound misunderstanding of the Web as an interactive medium. You scan pages and browse as a kind of zoned-out mind-wandering, quickly locating the content you need. That’s how it works: It reacts to your thought process intuitively.

    You DON’T, on the web, passively listen to television-style voice-overs while distracting animations slide unpredictably this way and that like so many bikini-clad baby-oil wrestlers…only to have your attention yanked away by a new distraction as slogans excised from cheesy motivational posters drift disturbingly before one’s eyes like a bunch of pink elephants on parade.

    Seeing all that, I miss the soothing zen of dancing hamsters.

    And sadly there is strong indication that it reflects the style of the church and the leadership.

    (What nights does Bishop Wayne Newton preach? Or is it Brother Siegfried & Brother Roy?)

    Little children, God is Love. Be still and know that He is God.

    • http://revertconvert.blogspot.com susie

      Amen! Well said, and well written! Love your poetic justice! :) God bless.

  • http://revertconvert.blogspot.com susie

    You should have warned us about the volume. :o Ear-splitting and it wasn’t even up all the way on my laptop! YiPeS! What a horrid and egotistic website. So sad. And to use the word, “Cathedral” is disturbing! I’ll take the Dome in Rome any day, thank you! I’ll even take the humble little Catholic church in rural Nebraska over this flashy ‘phony’ hype ‘cathedral.’ Lord have mercy.

  • http://www.teobishop.com Teo Bishop

    I’ll get back to you after my seizure has subsided.

  • http://cafenexo.com/word Steven Baudoin

    Perfect example of the kind of pop Christianity that discourages genuine searchers of truth. It is so easy to gather a big following, if you are not concerned with integrity. Yet, I suppose the leaders of this “church” are convinced of the reality of their faith. I’m not.

  • Suzanne

    That may have just triggered a migraine. Yikes!

  • Susan Peterson

    I watched maybe 30 seconds of this. One already knows from that much that these people do not understand worship, and in fact do not know what a church is for.

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