Robert Jeffress: Gay Sex Makes You Explode!

The Dallas Observer continues its intrepid reporting on Baptist pastor Robert Jeffress:

It was hard to fathom how Robert Jeffress could possibly refine his already highly nuanced views on human sexuality, but the First Baptist pastor has managed, somehow, to do just that.

Right Wing Watch brings us a video of Jeffress’s appearance last week on Trinity Broadcasting Network’s “Praise the Lord” in which he further toned down his anti-gay rhetoric.

His premise is there are many ways to deviate from “God’s standard,” sexually speaking. Premarital sex, adultery, unbiblical divorce, man on man, woman on woman, man on woman on man — they’re all wrong in the Lord’s eyes.

He goes on to explain why: “Think about this one time in heaven God was sitting up there with his sketch pad and he said, ‘You know, I’m going to design human beings and would it be fun of they started doing this together with one another.’” Jeffress illustrates this by excitedly jabbing his fingers at one another in a way that makes you feel truly sorry for the missus. “God dreamed up sex, He thought it up for our enjoyment, He gave us the equipment to enjoy it with.”

He goes on to offer us the parable of the TV delivery man who very specifically tells the purchaser to only plug it into a 120-volt outlet. But the buyer, “because those are antiquated instructions” and “it’s my TV and I can do whatever I want to with it,” ignores the advice and rams it into the 220-volt outlet.

“Well it is my TV to do what I want to with it but I’m going to blow that TV into smithereens if I put it in a 220 outlet,” Jeffress said.

Got it. Gay sex makes people explode. In fact, the only sure-fire way to have sex and not explode is to take a cue from Jeffress’ gestured instructions and thrust blindly in your wife’s general direction.

via Robert Jeffress: Gay Sex is Like Plugging a TV in the Wrong Socket, Making it Explode – Dallas – News – Unfair Park.

  • nathan

    wait. why. i just can’t. who is going. where in the. ick. just. death.

  • Tanya

    Isn’t it interesting how funadmentalists can go all “natural theology” when it suits their purposes, but if, say, a woman preaches better than a man –it doesn’t mean she’s supposed to be doing that!

  • nathan

    Tanya,
    YES.

    this is what happens when you have historically thin understandings of the theological task collided with a hamhanded hermeneutic with the sacred text

  • James Jarvis

    So are European television that work on 220 volts the devil’s work.

    • chuck

      Everything in Europe is the devil’s work! So of course their televisions would run on unnatural voltage.

    • http://lesbicrafty.blogspot.co.uk Sonja Faith Lund

      Does this mean that all of my electronics which work on both voltages are bisexual?

  • http://scottpaeth.typepad.com Scott Paeth

    I personally love the image of God up in heaven with his “sketches” imagining all of this. Is this what they mean when they say we should strive to follow God? Because I’ve bet a lot of these folks have “sketches” of their own.

  • http://gravatar.com/cwgmpls Curtis

    Explosion during sex? Kinda makes me want to try it!

  • JEHubbard

    Friends, perverse behavior is no joke…particularly for those who struggle in the day to day life of home, work and community. Surely Jesus is devoted to every sincere seeker for wholeness and truth. We come as we are: God receives us as we are to make us what He designed us to become. The over used example of Jesus with the lady captured in the act of adultery. in John, is still on the mark. “Woman where are your accusers?…Neither do I condemn you…Go…and sin no more.”

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  • http://gravatar.com/reynard61 reynard61

    Really?! REALLY??? Okay, then where are the body parts? Where are the news reports? *Surely* an epidemic of exploding people (even if they *are* Teh Ghey people) would pique the interest of the Media. (After all, look how much interest the Satanic Panic of the 1970s and ’80s generated even though no body — or even the slightest *evidence* of a body — of an alleged child sacrifice has ever been found.) Where are the Coroner’s reports and other forensic data?

    In other words, proof or STFU!!!

  • http://gravatar.com/nakedbunny Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Thanks, Pastor Jeffress. I’ll remember to only use battery powered devices for sex, for safety.

  • Nick

    He’s not saying gay sex literally makes people explode, he’s saying that it’s disastrous just as an exploding television would be a disaster.

    If I had to guess, he’s probably thinking first of all of something along the lines of so-called “gay bowel syndrome” and ultimately of gays suffering for eternity in Hell.

  • http://gravatar.com/mbaxter666 Magpie

    A. We have 240 volts down here. Where does this fit in the analogy, I wonder?
    B. The TV exploded, but the outlet seems to be fine :)


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