All I Want for Father’s Day: Equal Parenting Time

June 15, 2013 By 8 Comments

I’ve blogged in the past about the injustice in the parenting time laws in Minnesota and other states. In fact, I testified in front of a Minnesota Senate hearing on the matter. The law passed on a bi-partisan basis, but was vetoed by our short-sighted governor, after he was lobbied by divorce lawyers. As it stands, dads still get the shaft in most states when it comes to post-divorce custody.

Now, Gail Rosenblum reports, women are joining the fight. In fact, the new group that has formed is only women:

It’s not all wrapped up yet, but a big gift is arriving for divorced dads who want equal time with their kids.

Launched in early May and already claiming a broad spectrum of members across the United States and Canada, a new advocacy group is determined to finally make equally shared parenting a reality.

These aren’t a bunch of guys. Every member is a woman.

Leading Women for Shared Parenting (www.lw4sp.org), founded in May in Massachusetts, will launch officially on Father’s Day. Many members aren’t waiting.

[Read more...]

Filed Under: christianity in america, divorce, family, parenting Tagged With: , , 8 Comments

Marriage Advice from Divorcées

June 7, 2013 By 1 Comment

Since the dissolution of my first marriage, I have been reluctant to give anyone marriage advice. I think most divorcées probably share this reluctance. Fellow Patheos blogger Wendy Murray does, but vulnerably, humbly, and thoughtfully ventures into that space anyway. She has several good pieces of advice in the post, but this is the one that I most resonate with, and the one that I’ve been most careful to attend to in my current, beautiful marriage:

Time is not benign

Wendy Murray

There is a trajectory being set for your marriage, even in these earliest days — in fact especially in these earliest days. Time will do its work, again — for better or for worse. Right now, patterns are being developed between you and your spouse that will continue to increase in magnitude over time.

Read the rest: Advice to Newlyweds from a (Divorced) Pastor’s Wife.

Filed Under: divorce Tagged With: , 1 Comment

No-Fault Divorce: It’s NOT Destroying Marriage

April 25, 2013 By 7 Comments

Last year, I was talking about gay marriage with a Christian leader whose name you would know. After pushing back on my arguments for a while, he finally shrugged his shoulders and said, “It doesn’t really matter, since no-fault divorce laws have already pretty much gutted marriage in our country.”

I was honestly shocked. Having survived a no-fault divorce (that was nevertheless contentious and exorbitantly expensive), I had never heard someone make this argument before, much less state it as though it were common knowledge. No one that I know of in the Family Court system thinks that no-fault divorce is bad. (And to read how bad a divorce can be, even with no-fault divorce, read this harrowing account of the Worst Divorce EVER.)

Mark Silk has run into a similar argument from a Catholic who is similarly debating same-sex marriage. And Silk handily debunks the argument:

My friend the prolific NCR blogger Michael Sean Winters argues that they should throw in the towel, not because he supports SSM (he doesn’t), but because the marriage war was lost decades ago, when the bishops failed to stand in the way of no-fault divorce.

I can see why such an argument might be something of a balm for ecclesiastical potentates like Archbishop Vigneron of Detroit and Bishop Tobin of Providence, who can barely contain their apoplexy at this threat to civilization as they know it. After all, they weren’t bishops when the no-fault divorce laws went into effect.

Nevertheless, it’s a bad argument and one that teaches the wrong lesson.

It’s a bad argument because no-fault divorce laws had nothing to do with the rise in divorce rates, which began their ascent in the late 1950s. Between 1970 and 1977, nine states adopted no-fault divorce. By 1983, all but two states had. Whereupon divorce rates began to decline.

Read the rest and see the graph: What hath SSM to do with no-fault divorce? | Spiritual Politics.

Filed Under: divorce, same sex marriage Tagged With: 7 Comments

A Note from Andrew Root

July 26, 2010 By 3 Comments

My friend and co-conspirator, Andy Root, has a message for those of you in youth ministry:

Andrew Root (photo by Courtney Perry)

Hello Youth Ministry friends, I’m sorry to interrupt your regularly scheduled blog reading, but I have broken into transmission to offer you an opportunity.

I wanted to get before you the chance to get a free copy of my book, Relationships Unfiltered. As the new school year approaches and you think about volunteer leader meetings and trainings I would like to suggest you take a look at Relationships Unfiltered. It’s written just for this setting with discussion questions and chapters filled with illustrations and stories–but also promises to get you and your team thinking theologically about your core practice this coming school year: forming relationships with young people.

Here’s what I can do: If you’ll email me I’ll send you a free copy of the book so you can look it over and decide if it would be of help to you and your volunteers.

If you’re interested in using it, you can then go to Zondervan.com or Zondervan.com/ministry and type in the code 980752 in the “source code” box.  Starting August 1 this will give you a 40% discount on as many books as you’d like.

And I’ll also offer this, if you do use the book with your team, I’m willing to do a select number of skype or ichat conversations with you and your team after getting through the book.

Tony again: I’m a huge fan of Andy’s books, so this is an offer I heartily endorse!  And, speaking of Andy, be sure to consider joining us at the next FirstThird Dialogue at Luther Seminary.  This one, slated for September 27-29, will tackle the issue of “Ministering to Children of Divorce.”  And, until August 7, registration is only $99! Info HERE.

Filed Under: books, youth ministry Tagged With: , , 3 Comments

Single Parenting at the Holidays

December 16, 2009 By 12 Comments
Me with the Kids

Me with the Kids

The next couple weeks pose a challenge for any family, but a particular challenge for those of us who are divorced parents, and particularly for our kids.  One immediately thinks of the Hallmark movie moments of passing the kids from one house to another, the two Christmas dinners, etc.

But a more difficult thing to negotiate is which side of the family gets the pre-divorce traditions.  Some are sorted out in the settlement — you get Christmas Eve, I get Christmas Day.  But others aren’t, like who gets to take the kids to the Hollidazzle Parade downtown, or to the Twin Cities Model Railroad Museum to see the Christmas train.  Who gets to watch A Christmas Story with the kids?  Those little details are neither negotiated in the divorce, nor are they particularly easy to negotiate on the fly.  In fact, the nostalgia, emotion, and sentiment around the holidays make these even more difficult to negotiate than the usual mundane details of the rest of the year.

So I’ve taken to developing some new traditions.  We’re reading The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, which I’m reading from my parents’ first edition copy and remembering what a truly wonderful story it is.  We baked about a ton of cookies with my mom last weekend.  And we’re gonna do some new things that I hope to make annual occurrences over the holiday break from school.

While I can rationalize the change in our family dynamic, it is a particular challenge for the children at the holidays, which is all the more reason to develop some patterns and rhythms that will provide them some comfort.

Have you got any tips or hints for me?

Filed Under: family Tagged With: , , 12 Comments