Premarital Sex: Maybe You Shouldn’t

I got lots of comments — and more than a little hate mail — for suggesting that premarital sex might not be that bad for Christians and that maybe we should get over it.

My thoughts were primarily theoretical. Not so for Jamie Wright, the Very Worst Missionary. She’s got teenage sons, and she most definitely does not want them having sex:

I want my kids to be armed with the truth (and maybe with condoms, but mostly with the truth), and the truth is that they should wait to have sex.

There are obvious reasons why:

1. You could accidentally create another human being (like I did, oops).
2. You could cause yourself or someone else emotional harm by sharing intimate behavior in an irresponsibly casual way.
3. Most compelling, you could contract a horrible, painful, itchy, burning, smelly STD, and your penis could fall right off.

But I believe there’s another really good reason to put sex on hold. 

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Premarital Sex – Maybe It’s Not So Bad

My recent post about Christians lightening up about premarital sex struck a nerve. And it came just as my friend Joy told you that you probably won’t be marrying a virgin. Others have been talking about this, too, as my earlier post noted.

Posts that attract attention like that also seems to provoke private correspondence. As a result of that post, I received the following email from a reader, and he asked that I publish it anonymously. As a pastor, I’ve heard many such stories over the years. I know many adults who are in loveless and unintimate marriages. Some are staying in, and some are getting out. I know that this story will resonate with many of you. I look forward to your comments on this post.

***

By Anonymous

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Is It Time for Christians to Celebrate Pre-Marital Sex?

One of the things about being divorced and remarried is that everyone knows that I’ve had sex with more than one partner. No one seems to hold it against me because I was married before, and I’m married now. I get a pass.

Recently, Sarah Bessey wrote a powerful post at Deeper Story, “I Am Damaged Goods“:

He passed around a cup of water and asked us all to spit into it. Some boys horked and honked their worst into that cup while everyone laughed. Then he held up that cup of cloudy saliva from the crowd and asked, “Who wants to drink this?!”

And every one in the crowd made barfing noises, no way, gross!

“This is what you are like if you have sex before marriage,” he said seriously, “you are asking your future husband or wife to drink this cup.”

She didn’t get a pass, because she wasn’t married when she first had sex. But she is now, and she’s not going to live in shame any longer because, as she proclaims, “There is no shame in Christ’s love.

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Biblical Marriage

Bruce Bawer at The Dish recounts the multifarious forms of “marriage” cataloged in the Bible:

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