Writing Relationships into a Corner

faces

Earlier this week, I was chatting with a friend about A.O. Scott's big piece on storytelling and the death of adulthood.  Scott discusses the tendency of male heroes to "light out for the Territory," escaping the feminized world of social expectations and perhaps a specific female person (be it mother or maiden).  While Huck stepped outside of society in order to critique it, men in modern stories, Scott claims, tend to be rebels in retreat; they've traded in Jim's raft for the stoner's c … [Read more...]

If Someone Put Me in Charge of Yenta-ing You All…

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Prompted by our discussion of modern dating, PEG has offered his thoughts on how to build a better model for dating and discerning marriage: Frankly, what is needed is a way to connect people with similar goals. I did the hedonic thing in college and law school, and at the ripe old age of 21 found out that it was wrecking my soul, and desperately wanted to settle down, but there were no takers for that. It was only sheer random luck (a.k.a. the mighty grace of the Holy Spirit) that threw the … [Read more...]

Nice Guys and Casual Dates [Sequence Index]

going-steady

In the Fall, a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of... friendzoning?  In September 2014, several other bloggers and I wound up in a dialogue about friendship, romance, and the very rickety bridge that connects them. We talked about the why of the frustration behind, "But I'm a Nice Guy!" (not to mention the frustration that girls feel when they get hit by that phrase) and the societal shifts that may make it a lot harder to date and discern marriage."Why is it easier to ask out s … [Read more...]

The Loves We Need From Other People

Friends mutually supporting each other

Apropos of our discussion of friendship, romance, and the very confusing boundaries and barriers between the two, I wanted to share this excerpt from Wesley Hill's Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality.  In this part of the book (in the section titled "The End of Loneliness"), Hill is listening to a professor speak about a queer woman who was trying to figure out how (or if!) to sublimate her love and desires for women into love of God. In her desire for o … [Read more...]

Nice Guys, Conjoined Twins, and Starving for Love

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I want to return to one specific point made in the Ben Conroy piece on Nice Guys's frustration that I linked to yesterday. Many of the things that can be appreciated in a romantic partner can also be appreciated in a friend. In fact, I submit that if you truly love someone, the idea of being their friend should be, in itself, pretty appealing. I completely understand the complicating factors! (Believe me, I do). I understand the sadness, the frustration, the hurt. I understand if it’s too p … [Read more...]

More Reasons to Encourage Casual Dating

This happens in geek circles every so often. The "Hey, this is just a system I can figure out easily!" is also a problem among engineers first diving into the stock market.

Ben Conroy (who recently joined the Patheos Catholic channel at Shadows on the Road) has another critique to throw at Nice Guy Syndrome.  In "'Nice Guys' -- How Deep is Your Love?" Conroy writes: I sometimes wonder if these Nice Guys are actually in love at all. What about the specific woman actually stole their heart? And why would whatever that is vanish because she’s not romantically interested in them?[...][W]hen we’re dealing with an “ineffable spark” but you don’t really appreciate … [Read more...]

Nice Guys and Failed Tries

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ETA: Given the topic of the post and the tenor of some of the comments so far, just want to remind all y'all that the best use of your commenting time/energy tends to be responding to people when you have a unique insight to offer/question to ask, rather than letting the most inflammatory posts jump to the front of your attentional queue. SlateStarCodex's recent post ("Radicalizing the Romanceless") touches on a lot of issues surrounding the "Nice Guy" syndrome (which usually … [Read more...]


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