Nice Guys and Failed Tries

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ETA: Given the topic of the post and the tenor of some of the comments so far, just want to remind all y'all that the best use of your commenting time/energy tends to be responding to people when you have a unique insight to offer/question to ask, rather than letting the most inflammatory posts jump to the front of your attentional queue. SlateStarCodex's recent post ("Radicalizing the Romanceless") touches on a lot of issues surrounding the "Nice Guy" syndrome (which usually … [Read more...]

Why is it easier to ask out strangers than friends?

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In the midst of delivering a well-deserved rebuttal to extreme courtship culture, Thomas Umstattd mentions a model of dating/courting that I'd like to be able to try out.  He asked his grandmother to describe her dating experience, and she explained that her parents had only set one major restriction on her interactions with suitors: The One Dating Rule: Don’t go out with the same guy twice in a row.So if she went out for soda with Bob on Tuesday, she had to go to a movie with Bill on Thu … [Read more...]

A Poisonous Portrait of Partnership

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In a coda to my series on Lewis, Sondheim, and friendship, I'm back at The American Conservative today to respond to a feature from The Atlantic on polyamory.  Here's a teaser, and you can read the full post at AmCon.  Marital Completionism: A Bad Model for Thruples and Couples Alike Why assume you need to make compromises to achieve connubial bliss?In an article for The Atlantic, Olga Khazan profiles several polyamorous couplesand wonders whether more families should consider open … [Read more...]

Missing Facets of a Friendship

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This post is one in a series on friendship, explored through the lenses of Stephen Sondheim’s Merrily We Roll Along and C.S. Lewis’s The Four Loves.In Merrily We Roll Along, composer Frank loses his friendship with his writing partner, Charlie, but their mutual friend, Mary, manages to stay close to both of them for a while afterwards, before she and Frank have their final fight.  But, as Lewis would argue, Mary is impoverished by her friends' falling out, even though she continues to see bot … [Read more...]

Christ’s Loyal Widows [Pope Francis Bookclub]

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In 2014, I’m reading and blogging through Pope Francis/Cardinal Bergoglio’s Open Mind, Faithful Heart: Reflections on Following Jesus.  Every Monday, I’ll be writing about the next meditation in the book, so you’re welcome to peruse them all and/or read along.In this week's chapter of Open Mind, Faithful Heart, Pope Francis braids together three moments in Christ's ministry: his discoverty by the Magi, his baptism, and the wedding at Cana.  As Francis tells it, these stories are all about Chr … [Read more...]

Putting the Casual Back in Casual Dating

Buffy Riley

Boston College students have been signing up for a class on dating, using it as a precommitment device to go on actual dates.  (Extra credit is given to any student who asks out someone s/he is romantically interested in -- in person only). [Professor Kerry] Cronin says this all came together for her during a lecture she gave about the campus hookup culture eight years ago. She says she was nervously anticipating controversial questions about sex and intimacy, but instead one student asked, … [Read more...]

Designing Emotional Contraception

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Over at The American Conservative, I'm discussing a bioethicist who's done a literature review to find anti-love drugs.  He's not discussing science fiction, but drugs that currently exist which could have the side effects of suppressing lust, attraction, and/or attachment if prescribed off label (anti-depressants are high on the list).  His ethics questions are mostly focused on the level of the individual, but I've got concerns about how they'd shift societal expectations about responsibility a … [Read more...]


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