Protect Children from the Violence of the Cross and What to Do Instead During Holy Week

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As we approach Holy Week, those of us involved in children’s ministry are once again considering of ways to observe this season with the youngest ones among us. I know what I am about to say may break from conventional wisdom, but I have been feeling strongly about this for quite some time so here it goes…

I believe Christian Educators, parents and pastors should shield children from the details of the passion narrative/crucifixion story during Holy Week, if at all.

Let me give three reasons why and please know that I see this as the beginning of a conversation, not a definitive guide.

Oversimplification. When we reduce the crucifixion story to a simple soundbite digestible for young children, we are actually presenting complex atonement theories that will shape their theologies their whole lives long. “Jesus paid the price for our sin.” (ransom) “Jesus saved us because we couldn’t save ourselves.” (penal substitution). “Jesus conquered death to set us free” (christus victor). I could go on, but you get the idea. When we look closely at each of these theories, however, we realize that it’s not quite so simple. Did God really send God’s only son to be tortured and killed because God demands payment for sin? That does not sound loving. Did God simply not have the ability to rescue Jesus and spare him from all of that pain? If so, God must be very weak. Unless we’re willing to truly get in to all of these details, (and they aren’t appropriate for a young child, in my opinion) we shouldn’t try to reduce the work of Christ on the cross down to one simple and easy-to-remember phrase for children on Maundy Thursday and Good Friday. We might think we’re being faithful in telling the story, but what we’re really doing is letting ourselves off the hook when it comes to wrestling with the theological complexities of atonement.

It’s incredibly violent. Many Christian parents I know are exceptionally cautious about shielding their children from violence in video games, movies, TV, books, and toys. Yet these same parents have no problem being very explicit with the violence of the passion story. We have to ask ourselves why this is. Do we think there is some value in exposing a young child to gruesome (and very memorable) details of the nails, whips, spears, and thorns? The logic I often hear is some variation of “without those details, children will miss something and not fully understand the Christian faith.” Do we really believe that? Do we really believe that by sparing them the gory details of Christ’s crucifixion we are denying them something? If we do, I would argue we need to take a good hard look at what our faith is and what it’s based on. Children are only children for the blink of an eye. They have their entire lives to be burdened with the violence of the world. We should spare them for as long as we can, even (or perhaps especially) the violence we find in the pages of the Bible.

Developmentally Inappropriate. Young children’s brains simply aren’t yet developed to understand some of the nuances of faith in the same way adults do. School aged children are often extremely literal and anthropomorphic in their understanding of God. This doesn’t mean that their faith is “lesser” but it does mean that we should take care to explain things in ways they can grasp. Let me be clear: children are tough, and they’re capable of a lot of things we don’t give them credit for. Children face hurt and disappointment, and we should not try to protect them from every wound. (Side note: I think the book How to Raise an Adult is great for this.) That said, the story of the crucifixion is a story of state sanctioned torture of a human being. Let’s hold off for a few years while our children are very young. They will get a complete picture soon enough.

How then, do we involve children in Maundy Thursday and Good Friday worship and protect them from the details of the crucifixion? Let me offer a few suggestions:

Stick to simple facts when telling the story. Jesus died on a cross and was laid in a dark tomb. Everyone was sad and missed him. Three days later, the dark tomb was open and empty and there was light and joy. The resurrection is a mystery of our faith.

Avoid violent images and symbols in coloring pages and other children’s Easter materials. In my opinion, a great majority of the materials marketed to churches for children’s use during Lent and Easter is poorly done and developmentally inappropriate. Resurrection eggs, coloring books and children’s books often focus on thorns, crosses, nails and whips. It baffles me. Under no other circumstance would we give five year olds a coloring page with a man whipping another man, yet when it’s Jesus we make it ok. There is no need for children to create a tiny crown of thorns, in my opinion.

Be at peace with “not telling the whole story.” As parents and pastors we do this all the time. In our house we have a number chart that has the numbers 1-100. Our children refer to it all the time when talking about addition and subtraction and counting by fives and tens. Next, I’m sure, will come multiplication and division and fractions. At some point they’ll have a greater consciousness that there are numbers that are far outside the range of 1-100 and that numbers go to thousands and ten thousands and millions, but right now we’re focusing on the basics. “The basics” when it comes to Christian faith do not include the violent details of the cross. The basics of the Christian faith are these: Jesus is alive. God made the world and everything in it. God’s love is powerful. God is with us all the time, even when we are sad and lonely. God is gracious and slow to anger, rich in love and good to all. Perhaps a good focus for a Maundy Thursday or Good Friday children’s lesson is something about God being with us when we are sad and lonely. Perhaps a good message is that God’s love is powerful.

Focus on faith practices rather than narrative. If you’re at home, you could focus on any one of the 50+ practices in Faithful Families. My favorite for this year is having an Easter Sunrise Breakfast. It starts out in the dark to give an age appropriate way to begin to experience the power of new life and resurrection. Many of the practices in Faithful Families also work in church or group settings. Coloring mandalas, walking the labyrinth, practicing breath prayers, all of these are useful ways to try and experience Maundy Thursday and Good Friday without focusing on the violent details of the narrative.

Re-evaluate your own theology of atonement – When I’ve shared my opinion on the necessity to shield young children from the violent details of the crucifixion the response is often “You can’t get to the resurrection without the cross.” To that I have two responses: 1. This is a very adult lesson that children don’t need to take on. 2. What do you mean? Christ was crucified and God used that tragedy to bring about resurrection and new life. Christians have found this to be meaningful and mysterious for over two thousand years. But did God kill Jesus? I don’t think so. (See an excellent book by this same name for more.) The crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus is central to our faith, yes, but I would argue that our presentation to children is weak because our own theology is weak. When we don’t critically engage the question “What is the meaning of Christ’s death on the cross?” our children get caught in the crossfire.

What do you think? How will you present the crucifixion of Jesus to children this Holy Week? Let’s have a discussion about this in the comments. Share your ideas and techniques as well as resources you’ve found to be valuable.


Traci Smith is a Presbyterian pastor in San Antonio where she lives with her husband, Elias and children Clayton, Samuel and Marina Lynn. She is the author of Faithful Families: Creating Sacred Moments at Home . You can find her on the web at www.traci-smith.com 

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  • Jennny

    How I agree about age-appropriateness and not introducing adult concepts and stories before the child is developmentally able to process them. But also, one of my 3 children was very imaginative and sensitive, prone to nightmares if she saw anything upsetting. Those Easter colouring books you mention would have terrified her. One of my last acts before leaving my fundy-church was to refuse to teach Daniel in the Lions’ Den to a Sunday School group of 5-7yos. My vicar who has 3 boisterous boys could not see my point, she laughed and said her kids saw far worse than that on TV every day. But I was supposed to be teaching about a God of Love and the dissonance of it all finally got to me.

    • megaforte84

      I was that same kind of kid, minus the nightmares. I store intense sensory memories and brain bleach doesn’t actually exist, so I learned to be careful at an early age.

      I still remember getting mocked (and it wasn’t entirely just by the other kids) for hiding under a chair during the crucifixion sequence when the adults running Children’s Church insisted on showing us The Jesus Film without warning our parents – this is a film designed to be a mission help for use with grown adults complete with adult-oriented hardsell witnessing between the ending and the credits, the youngest kid in the room was 5. I was a bad little Christian-in-training for having an overwhelming emotional response to watching Jesus getting hurt. It was over three Sundays, with the Passion in the third week, and it wasn’t until much later I learned that my mother had thought I must be referring to some OTHER film about Jesus and kid-simplying the name because of course no one would have tried to show the actual mission aid to a bunch of first and second graders (they did, they totally did)!

      I *STILL* have to deal with other adults who act like I’m some sort of a failure of a Christian who is avoiding knowing ‘what Jesus went through for you’ because I won’t watch Passion Of The Christ. This despite the amount of on-paper research about the crucifixion I’ve done, and the fact I’ve actually written out the crucifixion for a fiction project. I’m apparently supposed to be an insult to Christ because I don’t want those images in my head.

      • Jennny

        Yes, it took me many years to realise that not everyone ‘stores intense sensory memories’ like you and I do – and my sensitive DD did.

  • jekylldoc

    As a Sunday School teacher, I always shifted the emphasis. Jesus was a martyr, not a sacrifice. He was intent on demonstrating a different kind of kingdom. And his choices can be seen today, in the nuns who put flowers in the guns of Philippine soldiers, or the marches of Martin Luther King.

  • Angela

    I am sympathetic to the concerns raised in this blog post, but I believe it has problems. Children need not be shielded from the crucifixion, and for some it may be a source of comfort and even empowerment: https://childrensbibles.wordpress.com/2017/04/12/the-crucifixion-as-a-source-of-empowerment-and-hope-for-children-a-response/