A confused and superstitious woman asks the televangelist Jack Van Impe (“the walking Bible”) the following question:
I have been told the Inca calendar is one of the oldest and most accurate calendars ever devised. I have also been told that the Inca calendar doesn’t go beyond the year 2012.
If this is true, could this have any bearing on the next coming of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?
To those of us not bound with the chains of superstition, we know the answer immediately — not in the slightest, you gullible woo.
But for those who follow the Bible, the answer is complex, mystical, numeral, mysterious, and of course, specifically vague.
Watch Impe answer this question:
In other words: This is exciting because it all works out perfectly, so it might be so, but it might not, who knows, ooga booga booga always be ready! And of course, I’m sure there was “send me money” a few minutes after.
(via)
Add some here, remove some there
and TADA!
The calendar on my wall doesn’t show a date past 2009 so I guess the world must end then.
It’s so awful he doesn’t even come out right about the supposed date. The date some people believe will be the end of the world according to the Inca calendar is 21 December 2012 not Christmas, that’s reserved for the coming of Santa Clause.
As we would say in World of Warcraft to someone whos’not making sense..
Lol whut?
Wait… what?
I thought Christians didn’t believe in Numerology.
the Inca calendar is one of the oldest and most accurate because obviously the Incas didn’t need all those sophisticated telescopes and supercomputers: they just “knew”
What keeps surprising me is that time and time again there are people who are convinced the world will end on such and such day. All those people who thought the same before were also convinced but they were of course wrong; now it is for sure that the world will end…
No, see, what will happen is that Mulder will be contacted by the ghost of the Cigarette Smoking Man, telling him to go to Martha’s Vineyard, where he’ll see a bright light. From that light, his sister will walk out, hand-in-hand with a small, gray alien. His sister will stop in front of Mulder, look him in the eyes…
…and yell ‘SURPRISE!!!’
It’s the maya calendar!!
not inca!!
don’t they get anything right?
Wasn’t it the Mayan calendar that doesn’t go past 2012, not the Inca?
Maybe I’m missing something by not watching the video (hardware limitations)…but why would devout Christians give a fig about Mayan (or Incan) beliefs?
Dr.Kate, they give a fig to everything that they can use to awkwardly validate their nonsensical beliefs. Even if its a pagan belief. Which in this case isn’t even a belief, from what I’ve been hearing, it’s just the end of their calendar, I don’t think they even mention a belief in ending the world there but I can be wrong.
It’s not even the end of the Mayan calendar! It’s the end of the current long count!
Seriously, on December 21st, 2012, the Mayan calendar will tick over from 15.19.17.19.19.19 to 16.0.0.0.0.0 and OH NOES TEH WULRD WILL KABLOOM!
Seriously, this makes as much sense as believing that the Gregorian calendar predicts the end of the world every New Year’s Eve…
“Now I’m not dogmatic on this…”
Bwahahaha!
Yeah… Okay, Mr. Bible-Verse-Quoting-Machine. ;-)
Boy, he sure had to do quite a bit of finagling to work the math out right on that one.
@Graham
Awesome!
I’m just thinking about this need for so many Christians to *want* Jesus to come back… for the rapture to happen.
I’m trying to imagine the thinking behind this. I just sense an incredible amount of feelings such as wanting to be released from something. That this life is so futile, that a better existence must be imagined that one will go to soon in order to keep “suffering” in this existence. In other words, the idea that Jesus will come to release them is the only thought that keeps them muddling through life.
Maybe this is why the polls that Sam Harris sites often tell us that most Christians think this event will happen in their lifetime. This is because they *hope* it will happen!
What a way to live!!
I am not an ex-Christian, so those that are, feel free to give your thoughts on this.
Did you used to *want* this to happen?
@ McBlog,
Not all subsets of Christians think so much about Jesus’ return but I think your reasoning for the hope of his imminent return is correct. I would add one more factor and that is DRAMA. There is an element to the whole thing of being a character in a grand play. Who is going to be saved? Who can we get saved? All the conjecture that goes into figuring out who is the anti-Christ, the timing of the return, deciphering current events to fit Bible prophecy. It’s a way to add a type of adventure to one’s life. Really, any day that someone warped a whole bunch of people into the sky then set a whole bunch of plagues on the earth, well, that would be an exciting day.
Wow. I have no idea what that guy just said! He talked so fast that all I heard was 8, 51, 10009, #, $, 67, 456, %, blah, ###, 7864, blah.
I honestly hope jebus really comes and takes all the christians away in 2012. Then maybe we can get something accomplished. Too bad its after the election though.
The weirdest thing about this is that we went through all this in 2000 and nothing happened and this just *reinforces* belief for the people who want to believe.
I checked in with one 2007 Rapture site on January 1st 2008 and … it had just flipped over to being a 2008 Rapture site. Same content, just a search and replace on the date. The original page was still cached.
Now … if I did that, it would be me being dishonest and calculating and cynical. I’ve always assumed that’s what these sites are. But I really don’t know – I think a lot of these people genuinely can just do that *and still believe*. It’s not cynical or ironic – they can just instantly go ‘oh, it must be this year, then’ without a moment’s guilt or self-reflection.
I agree with the Dawkins idea: that as soon as faith (and it’s faith that’s ‘the God delusion’, not ‘there might be a god’) enters the equation, it becomes an arms race about who can believe the most stupid possible thing. ‘Be nice to people’? *anyone* can do that … believe that this wine that looks, smells and tastes like wine is the blood of jesus … *that’s* religion.
That’s as maybe … here’s the question, though: how the hell do we snap those people out of it? Is it some fashion that people will just drift away from, or is it, by now, utterly hardwired into their brains? Is it just a bit of fun like a magazine horoscope, or is it a full-on mass delusion?
When people say ‘why does it matter what other people believe?’ … *this* is why.
I hope the Rapture DOES come, and it works out just like how these people hope. All these idiots get sucked up and away from us, and we’re left behind with a much smaller and more reasonable base of people! All the fun people would still be here, and without being stopped by religious mumbo jumbo, we could make some great advances in the field of science.
Hell, the economy would probably right itself too cause I bet a lot of the folks who ruined it for the rest of us consider themselves to be good Christians (after all, don’t a vast majority of Americans consider themselves to be exactly that? the odds are with me here!).
Sure, there would be about a day or two where I would say “dang, guess I was wrong. OH WELL!”. Though, according to my mom, I was baptized so I’m going to heaven no matter what. That would suck. I’d be in heaven with a bunch of those “in your face!” people. Sigh.
@ Bloggenstien
I’m a Christian now and not looking for it to happen.
@Ira
Wouldn’t it be weird if he’d used the numbers 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42? (anyone get that?)
@Philip
I didn’t mean to imply that all Christians are looking forward to it. Wouldn’t you say that some are though?
The “glorious rapture” of “our heavenly Father’s children” will also be accompanied in this wackaloon system by said heavenly Father pouring out his wrath on the rest of humanity so that billions will be wiped out including children and babies (animals as well). And that’s just the start. That people like Van Impe are all bubbly and goose bump teary-eyed about this evil is solid evidence of the ad hoc development of the human brain.
In looking back over my life so far (I’m now 58), I’m most intrigued by the fact that I swallowed this garbage (more or less) until my early thirties. So few of us are able to get out.
@cello
That is a pretty interesting way of thinking about it! I like it.
Darbyism, as a whole, is a fairly minor belief in Christianity, mostly being believed by a very vocal minority of Americans, who are the same people pushing creationism, the idea that police forces are setting up anti-Satanism task-forces, or that any attempt to bring peace must be Satanically inspired, and other assorted wackinesses.
@McB: Yes. Oh, and Desmond rules!
It isn’t the Incan calendar, it’s the Mayan calendar! Completely different civilization in a totally different part of the Americas.
Regardless, people read waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much into the 2012 thing.
Given that Maya civilization ended around 1300 CE, and that the calendar was at that time already ancient, it doesn’t surprise me that no one thought to calculate past 2012!
It’s like saying that no-one’s thought to calculate the Gregorian calendar past 9999AD, therefore the world will end then. No, actually, it’s more like saying no-one’s thought to calculate the Gregorian calendar past 3999AD, therefore the world will end then. After all, it’s not like they’re going to have to add a new number on to the calendar, or anything.
The Mayan calendar will enter a new Long Count, and the dates it generates will be perfectly sensible and meaningful,a nd the change-over will no more involve the end of the world than it did in 1618, when the current Long Count began.
@Dr Kate: I wondered the same thing. If only the conquistadors hadn’t burned all their books…
“‘I wish the goblins would come and take them away right now!’ That’s not so hard, is it?”
‘All these idiots get sucked up and away from us, and we’re left behind with a much smaller and more reasonable base of people!’
As Jon Stewart put it: ‘what they call the Rapture, we
Jews call “Free Clothes Day”.’
‘
Wouldn’t it be weird if he’d used the numbers 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42? (anyone get that?)
…
@McB: Yes. Oh, and Desmond rules!
The world hasn’t ended…because someone keeps pushing the button!
“because someone keeps pushing the button!”
What!? You’re behind! The hatch blew up like 2 seasons ago. :)
It’s not even the end of the Mayan calendar! It’s the end of the current long count!
Seriously, on December 21st, 2012, the Mayan calendar will tick over from 15.19.17.19.19.19 to 16.0.0.0.0.0 and OH NOES TEH WULRD WILL KABLOOM!
It seems like people who care enough to know the year in which the Mayan calendar ends would care enough to figure out what the Mayans thought it means when a “calendar” ends….
But seriously – the supersititious think that these people could calculate when “the world” was going to end, and managed to tag it neatly to the end of a complicated calendering system, but couldn’t predict the end of their civilization?
Well for the more computer minded the world may end on Friday 13th Feb or 2038 depending on your point of view.
What!? You’re behind! The hatch blew up like 2 seasons ago. :)
LOL. We’re saved! Jesus turned the fail-safe key! But will he find his constant?
It’s also pretty obvious that the Mayans didn’t think that the world was going to end at the end of the current long count, as there are several Mayan inscriptions that contain references to dates thousands of years in the future, without any indication of irony…
So, presumably they accidentally predicted the end of the world, and didn’t even notice it.
No! Please don’t equate anything about Lost to Jesus et al. It will ruin it.
Same thing happened to The Matrix for me.
Same thing happened to The Matrix for me.
A Christian friend of mine pointed out that Neo is a poor analogue for Jesus because of his propensity for violence. Same thing, re: Neo and Buddha.
FWIW, he was a Christian who held (like a surprising number of Christians throughout history) that the Apocalypse of St. John was an apocryphal fairytale that doesn’t belong in the canon, so all the stuff about “Jesus as fire-breathing psycho warrior” doesn’t fly with him.
Wow…my head just exploded after seeing that. Is it possible that I actually lost intelligence from viewing that rambling nonsense?
I always thought that the Mayan calendar finished in 2012 because the compiler got tired of doing it and thought, ‘Bugger it – that’ll do.’
It’s not just the Incas…..my Jewish (and fairly orthodox) neighbors (really nice folks who don’t mind one bit that I’m a godless heathen) also subscribe to numerology matters within their religion and there’s also presages an end of world date in December of 2012.
I wonder if I can stop paying my mortgage now?
Of course the world’s going to end in 2012. Old news. I read it in line at the grocery store a long time ago.
Heh. I just got done reading a short story by Jerry Oltion called Judgment Passed. It’s part of the book Wastelands: Stories of the Apocalypse which is a recent anthology of post-apocalyptic short stories by various famous authors (Stephen King, Orson Scott Card, and many others).
Basically, the plot revolves around a small group of astronauts who had been on multi-year mission to another star system. When they finally return to Earth, they find that just before they arrived Jesus Christ had returned, The Rapture had occurred, and Earth was entirely depopulated of humans…and they had missed the whole thing! heh. I found it quite amusing and I highly recommend it. You can find Wastelands on Amazon, and here is an excerpt from the story itself:
http://www.johnjosephadams.com/wastelands/?page_id=29
I just got done reading a short story by Jerry Oltion called Judgment Passed. It’s part of the book Wastelands: Stories of the Apocalypse which is a recent anthology of post-apocalyptic short stories by various famous authors (Stephen King, Orson Scott Card, and many others).
IIRC, wasn’t there another story in that collection wherein it turned out that when Jesus said “blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the Earth”, it was a threat rather than a promise, such that the good people went to heaven, the bad people went to hell, and everyone who was too chicken to be either one was just left behind in a doomed world?
I find it intriguing (and funny) to consider the beatitudes as sarcastic rather than literal; throws quite a different spin on the sense of the gospels.
Wouldn’t this be one of several “ends” and “rebirths” of the world Mayans experienced?
Didn’t they think in a circular manner with Earth continually renewing itself after it ends?
We don’t hear much about this, only the “end” part.
Between this and the “startling revelations” of Nostrodomus (insert fear music in the background) I think I’m gonna be sick.
Does anyone ever wonder how scary things like this would seem when they “document” them on tv. If they played some light Mozart in the background, rather than some dark, tormented Bach, I think people wouldn’t swallow this nonsense so easily. It’s all in the Fear Music.
christians have always thought that the second coming would happen in their lifetime, even the disciples thought that jesus h. would be back before they died. it just goes with being a christian. wouldn’t you want to think that you’re so important that they world ends when you’re around?
and several prophecies have cited 2012 as the end of the world. just like several prophecies cited 2000 as the end of the world. just like several more cited Hale-Bopp as the end of the world. everyone just wants to be around when the world ends. it makes them feel important.
well i dont want jesus to come back in my lifetime
i would feel jipped
then again i am 34 and have been single my whole life
watching just about everyone else not being single
and already jipped
no one knows when jesus is coming back
only god
and thas scripture
matthew actually
2012 isn’t the end of the world – its the end of the old world order and beginning of the new world order. in other words, the American holocaust with Barack Obama playing Hitler in real life. Fema plastic coffins here we come!
@ Marcion
If George W. Bush were still President, I doubt FEMA would even be competent enough to arrive with some coffins in time for a national or regional emergency, as per Katrina.
It’s rather nice to have a thoughtful and intelligent President around.
By the way, it’s more accurate to say that Obama is to Hitler as Elvis Costello is to Elvis Presley. Both politicians, both musicians; otherwise, not that similar.
“It’s part of the book Wastelands: Stories of the Apocalypse which is a recent anthology of post-apocalyptic short stories by various famous authors (Stephen King, Orson Scott Card, and many others).”
John, the editor, is an acquaintance of mine. He’ll be thrilled to know that people are talking about his book.
BTW, the next anthology he did called Living Dead is awesome too.
His numerical rambling reminds me of that scene from The Island when the one guy thinks that he’s going to win the lottery cause he’s done the math…
b-b–bb-but… add the 7, minus the minus the 56 years, divide by zero and…
Well, they did have his actual words (Matthew 24:34, Mark 13:30, Luke 21:32) leading them astray. The same belief being held by every generation since then however, has just been based on wishful thinking.
You know I just wish that Jack would just read the Book of Revelation. The crap that he comes up with is so far fetched and has nothing to do with the actual writings in that Book. A simple read of the book will tell you that if it occurs no one, and I mean Christian or Atheist, will want to be around. But there is a sequence to the Book, and the Christian get to enjoy every page turning event just as much as the Atheist does.
Jack’s “Get out of Revelation” card is as fake as the “Get out of Hell” card that most Christians believe is true.
I think I’m going to puke.
I just want to know why Van Impe is even referring to a pagan source for proof of the “Second Coming.” Even better, why is Jesus giving his revelation to the Mayans at all?
Besides, I thought Christians were to have absolutely nothing to do with the ways of the heathen, Jack? What do you have to say about that, ya freaking charlatan!
*pant*pant*
“If George W. Bush were still President, I doubt FEMA would even be competent enough to arrive with some coffins in time for a national or regional emergency, as per Katrina.”
Don’t you see that this is WHY they are incompetent? Their real business is not in cleaning up natural disasters–its in running concentration camps. The natural disaster thing is just a cover so we won’t suspect them, and that’s why they’re so bad at it! And it doesn’t matter who is president–the NWO owns them all.
I wouldn’t be surprised if upgrading the gas chambers is literally in the stimulus bill.
Congratulations marcion, I think you’re the craziest person to visit this site. And that’s saying something.
“And that’s saying something”….anyone special come to mind D? ha, :)
All the best, to all of you!
Haha! Is this the same crazy Marcion from before??? I thought you banned him, D.
I wrote a blog entry anticipating the excuses that we’ll hear after the date passes and nothing has happened.
This gives us a golden opportunity because we’re dealing with a finite event (the 2012 apocalypse) rather than an ongoing belief. So we can challenge 2012 believers ahead of time to come up with something that doesn’t fall into one of these categories!
http://luckyatheist.blogspot.com/2009/01/we-have-four-years-to-anticipate.html
late to the conversation here, but…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KIoKYi0ex0
This video is from none other than Jack Van Impe Ministries. (available on VHS for a $24.95 donation*)
*like the money I “donate” to the ministry of my grocery store for the “free gift” of Milk, Flour and Eggs.
HAHAHAHAH!!! Great video!! You know, if you take 2012 and minus 1943, what do you get? That’s right… 69. The Incas were clearly sex addicts.
The NEWEST Pretrib Calendar !
Hal (serial polygamist) Lindsey and other pretrib-rapture-trafficking and Mayan-Calendar-hugging hucksters deserve the following message: “2012 may be YOUR latest date. It isn’t MAYAN!” Actually, if it weren’t for the 179-year-old, fringe-British-invented, American-merchandised pretribulation rapture bunco scheme, Hal would still be piloting a tugboat on the Mississippi. roly-poly Thomas Ice (Tim LaHaye’s No. 1 strong-arm enforcer) would still be in his tiny folding-chair church which shares its firewall with a Texas saloon, Jack Van Impe would still be a jazz band musician, Tim LaHaye would still be titillating California matrons with his “Christian” sex manual, Grant Jeffrey would still be taking care of figures up in Canada, Chuck Missler would still be in mysterious hush-hush stuff that rocket scientists don’t dare talk about, and John Hagee might be making – and eating – world-record pizzas! To read more details about the eschatological British import that leading British scholarship never adopted – the import that’s created some American multi-millionaires – Google “Pretrib Rapture Diehards” (note LaHaye’s hypocrisy under “1992″), “Hal Lindsey’s Many Divorces,” “Thomas Ice (Bloopers)” and “Thomas Ice (Hired Gun),” “LaHaye’s Temperament,” “Wily Jeffrey,” “Chuck Missler – Copyist,” “Open Letter to Todd Strandberg” and “The Rapture Index (Mad Theology),” “X-Raying Margaret,” “Humbug Huebner,” “Thieves’ Marketing,” “Appendix F: Thou Shalt Not Steal,” “The Unoriginal John Darby,” “Pretrib Hypocrisy,” “The Real Manuel Lacunza,” “Roots of (Warlike) Christian Zionism,” “America’s Pretrib Rapture Traffickers,” “Pretrib Rapture – Hidden Facts,” “Dolcino? Duh!” and “Scholars Weigh My Research.” Most of the above is written by journalist/historian Dave MacPherson who has focused on long-hidden pretrib rapture history for 35+ years. No one else has focused on it for 35 months or even 35 weeks. MacPherson has been a frequent radio talk show guest and he states that all of his royalties have always gone to a nonprofit group and not to any individual. His No. 1 book on all this is “The Rapture Plot” (see Armageddon Books online, etc.). The amazing thing is how long it has taken the mainstream media to finally notice and expose this unbelievably groundless yet extremely lucrative theological hoax!
WTF is this man talking about?
He should be institutionalized and on heavy medication.
VasiliyKovcheg
End of the world. A planet – Nibiru. Evacuation till December 21 2012. Your last opportunity of rescue. Reception of the complete information – send the message with a theme: Planet X Nibiru. newarmagedon@mail.ru
Confidentially important.
What the hell are you talking about?
This is the crazy-assed s*it that is being referred to here.
“This catastrophe was initially predicted for May 2003, but when nothing happened, the doomsday date was moved to December 2012″
http://www.csicop.org/si/show/update_on_the_nibiru_2012_doomsday
With my psychic powers I predict that, after 2012, the date is being moved again
ok for one did the myans predict their own demise
they arent a civilization anymore
was that on their calendar
really whats the fixation with a calendar
come on
how long ago did they make this prediction
was 2012 so far off
that is was randomly picked
there will be a 2013 calendar
hmm wondering if that will be a collectors item
january 1.2013
gosh there is an even a movie about it
really
and that guy
is the same one on the bible prophecy and today on tbn
my gosh
they are saying that modern events after the fact
were predicted and happening
really
but 2012
ok i may not be ashamed of the gospel
but come on
i am so ashamed of many christians
who have the mindset of hank kimball from green acres
so will 2013 calendars of any kind be a collectors item
really
why is any credibility put into a wiped out civilization
if they couldnt predict their own
with accuracy
this is bs
and people who keep it going
are well
bs as well
YOU SILLY BIBLICAL LOONYS its the 21st of december that the world is ment to end not the 25th and as 4 the seconed coming of jesus i very much doubt it as it says in the comarnd ments tho shall not worship any other god then me for i am i jelose god. [ point 1 y would god sent his so called only son to earth to be worshiped as he is all knowing and all seeing ] [ point 2 the bible teachs us that we are all the children of god that means god doesnt have 1 son he has millions ] [ point 3 GOD IS A WOMEN NOT A MAN and the only reason its stated that she is a he is because man has 1 hell of an ego just like if he gets into a fight in the pub the 1 gut tuns in to 2 or more al just so he looks good in front of otheres as i said EGO, if man was better then why did our GODDESS DIANA gave the power of creation to a women and not a man think of it as good and evil there cant be good with out evil and vis versa AND FOR GET THE DILLY IDEA EARTH WAS MADE IN 7 DAYS BECAUSE IT WASNT IT TOOK BILLIONS OF YEARS to create somthing so beutiful, back to the point a women has the power of creation granted a man is needed but that is only 4 the frist 5 mins now take a look thru histroy man is alway in the center of destruction men have aways distroyed the earh our mother as wither her our life would not be I WILL ALWAYS BE A CHILD OF THE EARTH FOR THE EARTH IS MY MOTHER THE MOON IS MY BROTHER AND UNTILL ALL OF MANKIND AND ALL OF WOMENKIND REALISE THIS THE UNIVERSE CAN NOT BE AT PEACE THER FOR THE END FOR HUMANS WILL COME SO THE UNIVERSE CAN BE RESTORED BACK TO ITS PERFECT NATURAL PEACEFUL BALANCE
Just wanted to say that I am eployed at a large biotherapeutic corporation in Clayton NC and I support Barack Obama with all my being. I would love for all my friends and colleagues to vote for Obama in 2012!! I LOVE YOU OBAMA