John C has been our faithful mystic commenter for a few months now (though it seems longer, his first comment was on Dec 31, 2008). His comments, though always puzzling and sometimes bizarre, have brought about many interesting conversations that, without him, would have never happened.
But he has a new job, and he’s giving us a break while he settles in there. He sent me this guest post — and how could I refuse John C?
If you’ve been involved in the community of UF at all, you’ll probably enjoy this post. If not, it won’t make any sense to you. At all.
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A Daring Incursion
A Believer’s Foray into Unbelieving Cyberspace
By John C
The holiday break is nearly over, the kids are gone, the festivities ended. So what now? Ah yes the good ol’ internet. Hmm…let’s see, what shall we google today? Christianity? Faith? Belief? Unbelief? Yes that’s it, Unreasonable Faith. And so my foray into the dark regions of unbelieving cyberspace began.
Suddenly I found myself TELEported back in time landing smack dab in the middle of THE ANGRY PHILISTINE’S camp! Where was my sword of faith? Lord, why hast thou forsaken me? Here, now in the dead of WINTER?! I tried to speak, to be heard above the deafening decibels of doubt but was as a MUTE. Nevertheless I fought the good fight of faith, onward Christian soldier. The land of AOR must be conquered! Ancient spirit riddles, bible verses, nothing penetrated the doubters strong armor of unbelief, my spirits dampened and dismayed.
Undeterred, I pressed on to the high call. I raised my voice in righteousness, but with a loud cry they jeered “put a SOCK in it.” Suddenly I felt like DANIEL in the lion’s den, my mouth was shut. The opposition was fierce, but I was determined to slay the Goliath of REASON by the sword of FAITH! So I took my BOOMSLANG from my leather pouch and steadying my aim…whoosh, I hit the unyielding beast square in the MCBLOGGENSTEIN! Victory at last! That’ll teach’em to vorJACK with JOHN C!
A fierce battle ensued on the plains of MORALITY. But who would win the SUNNY DAY? The Promised Land lay just beyond the horizon. The enemy shot what seemed like endless flaming arrows of LOGIC and SCIENCE in their desperate attempts to dislodge me from my high fortress of faith but not a single arrow pierced my armor of light. Regrouping, I loaded my LRA (logic repulsion archery) and took dead aim. Zing! I hit the MARKbey and CLAIDEAMH MOR than ever but to no avail, I was hopelessly outnumbered and by now the night was fast approaching, the DARKMATTER was nigh upon us.
Suddenly I longed to return home to the plains of the faithful, to the believing bunch. The fighting had taken its pound of flesh and the journey was long and TYresome. Oh how I longed to be CHILDLIKE once again but they told me it DOESNTWORKTHATWAY, that I needed to grow up, to think with my head and not my heart lest I be ensnared in a STEPHEN WEBB of deceit. So I fell on my knees, gathered my strength for one last assault, one last, desperate campaign must be waged for the King.
Fierce fighting broke out on the high plains of SKY-GOD, in the mountainous air of the soaring clouds. Soon, it EVOLVED into hand to hand combat, each man for himself, a day of RECKONER’ing was at hand! No one budged; neither side would concede one miniscule plot of land, not in the least. Back and forth we went in endless verses and curses as the fighting raged. Exhausted, my POE’TROLL finally headed back to camp, bloodied and bruised but breathing, thankful to be alive, ROGER, over and out. Neither side dared claim the day, it was a mystery as to whom the victor was, to whom the spoils of war belonged. So disheveled and distraught, the solemn brigade retreated homeward singing THE MYSTERY OF THE AGES, a new battle hymn was born.
So the many wars of David finally give way to the peaceable reign of Solomon. Napoleon retreats back across Europe. A much needed respite, a hammock and a long siesta. I go away now for an extended season, but will return again someday. So we live to fight another day, to wage w-o-r-d war three. Let us regroup, armor up, and employ tactical “strategery” to gain the advantage.
This is not the end, because you know with John C…THERE IS MORE!