From the Onion: Lovecraftian School Board Member Wants Madness Added To Curriculum
Arguing that students should return to the fundamentals taught in the Pnakotic Manuscripts and the Necronomicon in order to develop the skills they need to be driven to the very edge of sanity, Arkham school board member Charles West continued to advance his pro-madness agenda at the district’s monthly meeting Tuesday.
“Fools!” said West, his clenched fist striking the lectern before him. “We must prepare today’s youth for a world whose terrors are etched upon ancient clay tablets recounting the fever-dreams of the other gods—not fill their heads with such trivia as math and English. Our graduates need to know about those who lie beneath the earth, waiting until the stars align so they can return to their rightful place as our masters and wage war against the Elder Things and the shoggoths!”
Hey, if creationism gets equal time in schools, obviously this should too.
(Thanks for the link, Steve!)
Obviously, since it has already been established that Cthulu is superior to yahweh, Lovecraftian teachings should be given more time than creationism.
Oh! And in night-haunted Arkham, too!
I’m getting shivers.
FMS and Chthulhu need to be right alongside God, if we’re going to start stuffing theology into science and biology textbooks that cover evolution.
HPL, I would have wished for you a happier and longer life. You are remembered and loved.
Chthulu, the FSM, and Yahweh. Just add in Vishnu, Zeus, Odin, and a whole panoply of others, and you’ve got yourself a great class.
Oh, this is classic! Thank you, Daniel.
You know, sometimes I wonder if HP Lovecraft wasn’t intuitively grasping something that we’re only beginning to realize. Every time we find a new way to look into the night sky, the universe appears larger and more bizarre. The universe is a vast and alien place. If there were to be a creator, it would stand to reason that it would be at least as alien as its creation.
I tend to think that much of theism is just humans projecting their own personalities onto the universe. But if there is something out there with the power and breadth that we can call it a God, then the one thing we can say for certain is that it is NOT human. It would have to be entirely alien to our perceptions. Such a thing is going to be unsettling, probably terrifying, and perhaps maddening to creatures of our limited scope.
I guess what I’m saying is that, if there were a God, Lovecraft might be closer to right than most of the theologians of our age in describing it. Divine hiddenness may be humanity’s real salvation.
lol nice…reminds me of the argument for allowing marrying multiple women. if joe can marry 7 women why can’t i marry 3 cats, 2 dogs and 2 hamsters?
A high school version of De Vermiis Mysteriis or the High School Necronomicon would be interesting.
Along with the cliche excuse “I don’t have my term paper because the shoggoth ate it.”
I see no problem in teaching the ways of Cthulu. At least his agenda is far clearer than that of Yahweh’s. And, I’m sorry, but I think Cthulu could knock the FSG on his pasta butt and into the next plane of existence.
@vorjack, didn’t you know: “And god was created in man’s image.” ;)
At the very least, maths and science should be taught alongside the ancient rites of the shoggoths, so that students can be properly informed and make their own decisions.
Wow, I never learned this in school. Clearly I am uneducated. But at least I did learn about creationism. In fact, a science teacher who taught evolution in my high school was fired.
Yup.