A warrant has been put out for God’s arrest. He is being charged with altering the bird flu virus again through his mysteriously sinister process of “intelligent design.”
If anyone’s seen him, please let the authorites know (and me too while you’re at it):
Following confirmed reports that the H5N1 avian flu virus has again been altered, making it even more resistant to anti-viral medications and increasing the risks of human-to-human bird flu transmission, a warrant has been issued for the arrest of God, the leading Suspect in what is now described as a global bio-terror conspiracy….
“God is considered armed and extremely dangerous. Ordinary citizens should under no circumstances attempt to question or detain Him,” said the spokesman. “If God is spotted in your area, please contact local law enforcement at the earliest possible convenience with His description and location”….
“We cannot claim to understand His ways,” commented His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI during his weekly radio address from the Vatican. “Nor should we have the arrogance to question His wisdom. But I tend to agree that He may be pushing the envelope this time.”
If a human modifies a virus and sets it loose, he’s a monster and a criminal. But when a god supposedly does it, he is given excuse after excuse.
Ah, no, it’s micro evolution, it’s not proper evolution. I mean, didn’t Darwin say that we changed from chimps to humans when one monkey metamorphed in its sleep? I mean, it’s not like the theory of evolution refers to species changing slowly over many generations, does it? I mean, that’s talking about dolphins turning into trees overnight, isn’t it?
/sarcasm.
The authorities have it all wrong. It’s not God mutating the viruses, it’s God respecting free will! (of the viruses …)
LOL.
Reminds me of Michael Behe saying that malaria was “irreducibly complex” and couldn’t have involved without outside assistance. I kept thinking, “Is this REALLY the case you want to be making?”
Creationism immediately and irrevocably blunders God into a swamp of moral turpitude. It’s practically an argument that God is both incompetent and a jerk.
god is an incompetent jerk, just look at his history. what has he ever gotten right?
Umm… you do know that Avant News is a satire site? Its full of stories such as, “Somali Pirates Hijack ISS” and “GM reveals 2011 Hummer WEE”
Its funny, but be careful of reporting it as fact.
You mean there isn’t an APB out for middle-eastern men with stigmata? I’m shocked.
Well, first you read “Custador” and you think: there is no need to write “\sarcasm”, it’s obvious.
Then you keep reading…
What?! There’s no warrant out for an invisible sky-daddy? Man…I was so fooled!
Thanks for the tip. I’ll, uh, keep that in mind. Sorry if you were on the lookout for God. Don’t worry about reporting it to the police if you see him….
All Points Bulletin issued for: A sense of sarcasm.
Currently missing.
Please report if found, immediately.
You appear to have missed the “humor” tag on this post. Poor you.
Every smart creationist knows that mutation can never add new information and that all mutations are harmful, despite what the evilutionist with their secular science pretend. Instead, what has happened is that some mutation has corrupted the once perfectly beneficial virus into an evil virus. Because that’s how evolution works. Creation scientific FACT!
And since mutations were introduced as a result of original sin, this new disease is entirely our own fault.
[Sarcasm, yes, but still arguments some creationists might use]
trj i really thought you were being serious for a sec
hahaha
The problem is that they do think like that. This was posted here a few months ago.
creation museum
This woman who claim to have a PhD in biology is researching, if we use the term very loosely, how the loss of god sustaining force due to its curse to the world has caused the once perfect and beneficial bacteria and viruses to deteriorate into pathogens. And obviously since we talk deterioration it’s not evolution and she can go on living life in absolute knowledge of the truth of the bible.
Hehe I thought it would have been from The Onion.
That piece was authored by “Ion Zwitter.” Methinks Mr. Pseudonym took a chemistry course.
Of course His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI is god’s self-proclaimed substitute on earth, so maybe we should start by arresting him first? After all, no compromises in the war on terror!
Can we waterboard him? Please? Pretty please with sugar on top??
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You are all fools. It is i, Captain Bangladesh who has created this evil plague. You will all be replaced by chicken controlling androids. Your time on this earth has come to an end, we the chickens will rein supreme
This is funny but tragic all at once. Christians will excuse any and everything when it comes to God.
But Nature reflects God’s character! says the apologist.
God’s harmful, indiscriminate, merciless, character.
They’re usually thinking about fluffy bunnies and pretty orchids when they say that. Never the ebola virus or the dung beetle.
Well, here is Ray Cumfart’s take on it (I’ve been waiting to use that joke!)
http://raycomfortfood.blogspot.com/2009/04/from-my-cartoonist.html
How stoopid.