Here’s a joke sent in by Len Simmons:
A biker was known by everyone in the neighborhood for swearing at everything — it was always effing this, effing that. Effing life, effing weather, effing girlfriend, effing job, effing car, effing wife (because she found out about the effing girlfriend), effing religion, effing eff!
One day a clergy member heard him swearing and listened to his ranting for a while. The clergyman noticed something strange — in all the biker’s swearing he never once swore at God. Everything else was fair game, but never God.
The clergyman went up to the biker and said, “My son, I’ve been listening to the way you speak about everything — how you swear at the slightest provocation, with no regard to the feelings of people around you. But you never swear at God. I believe that means there is core of goodness and light in you, even if you don’t realise it yourself.”
The biker replied, “Who the eff are you to say that about me? You don’t effing know me, you don’t effing know what my life is like, you know effing nothing. Leave me the eff alone.”
But the clergyman pressed on. “My son, why don’t you swear at God? With all the anger inside of you, I’d almost expect you to.”
The biker looked at him and said “I can’t effing swear at God.”
“But why not, unless there’s a spark of light in you?”
“Because He’s ineffable.”
lol
I was expecting something more on the line of “I don’t eff at non-existing things”
My son, you never swear at those little naughty leprechauns! There has to be a spark of light in you
That was great.
Effing thing that made the effing things for which there is no known effing maker!
Ha!
He does make a good point. It’s very difficult to eff an invisible imaginary dude.
You make the effing baby Jesus cry.
Hmmm…so that’s how I can swear in front of Christians. If, say, I am with my family and I am cooking and I cut my finger, I can jump and say, “Eff, Eff, get me a band-aid”
LOL!
God, jesus, and the virgin Mary were un-F-able.
You can say, “JESUS INEFFABLE CHRIST!”
God, jesus, and the virgin Mary were un-F-able.
Funny :-)
Yay! Nice one Daniel!
Nice :P
From what I know, Mary was VERY effable. And by very, I mean really very.
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I had hoped that the punchline for this would be “Because I’m an effing atheist”.
Guess it was too much to hope for, huh?
Anywho, Mary was most certainly not a virgin her whole life. After Jesus was born (no doubt an incredibly painful process, as she was a virgin at that time), she and Joseph did plenty of effin’. Years later, when Jesus was off on some semi-insane rant at a temple, Mary and a number of her sons went to try and speak to him (strangely, he told them to eff off, but that’s another story).
You can say, “JESUS INEFFABLE CHRIST!”
Well, I dunno. Mary claimed to be effed by God…
Haha I remember talking about the virgin birth in Sunday School as a 6th grader and saying “thats ridiculous, she had to have sex, its the only way to make a baby. Do you think god paid her to keep her mouth shut?”
I was kicked out of class that day.
In hindsight I don’t know if it was because I was a wise ass or because I thought things out logically?
Doesn’t that make Joseph a never-effing person?
“Doesn’t that make Joseph a never-effing person?”
NEVER? 1Mary stayed a virgin her whole life. Joseph didn’t even get a little after god has his turn.
Besides, even if he didn’t impregnate her before jesus’ birth, there’s always the possibility they took the route christian teens have gone after taking a virginity pledge.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A48509-2005Mar18.html
Hey – maybe she was just “technically a virgin.”
“Doesn’t that make Joseph a never-effing person?”
NEVER? 1Mary stayed a virgin her whole life. Joseph didn’t even get a little after god has his turn.
Besides, even if he didn’t impregnate her before jesus’ birth, there’s always the possibility they took the route christian teens have gone after taking a virginity pledge.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A48509-2005Mar18.html
Hey – maybe she was just “technically a virgin.”
I think it says in one of the gospels that Joseph didn’t eff Mary until after Jesus was born, not that he never did at all. There is mention of Jesus’ brothers in the gospels and in other books of the NT. I’m not sure where the perpetual virgin thing came from, but I guess Catholic tradition.
“Among those youngsters, 61 percent of the consistent pledgers and 79 percent of the inconsistent pledgers reported having intercourse before marrying or prior to 2002 interviews.”
Ouch. And those STD statistics? The middle school I attended required every student to have safe sex classes and advising -along with- speakers for benifits of abstinence. I’m not married, I’m still a virgin, and definetely no STD’s, reguardless of opportunities. Maybe they should start teaching a “how to control your urges” class instead, too. Lol. Then they wouldn’t have to worry about it so much.