Star Trek and Parenting for Jesus

star-trek-parentingHip young pastors (and wanna-be hip young pastors) are all about the “cool sermon series” these days. It was only a matter of time before they latched hold of the newest Star Trek film.

Faith Fellowship in Alton, IL is one of the first, doing a series on “Star Trek: Parenting in a New World“:

Captain’s log star date 050309 [sic, should be -314334.24]. While in standard orbit, those aboard the Parenting Enterprise are experiencing dramatic morphing of their offspring–certain alien-type characteristics have also developed in both the parents and children. Close examination indicates a spatial rift may be imminent. Historical data confirms similar morphing patterns among previous generations of young Earth dwellers; however, the current conditions are excessively challenging. Super-human intelligence is required to intervene and prevent the affected beings from being launched into an uncharted dimension.

Do you ever feel that you are in outer space when it comes to relating to your children? Are you frightened and uncertain? Helping children find their identity in a fearful culture is an awesome task. You need enhanced communication devices to meet the challenges of this electronic age. Have you opened your Facebook page to God as a friend? Are you allowing Him to write on your wall? Allow God to help you in your parenting challenges by sharing in this new message series with Dr. Daymond Talkington.

That might be the worst sermon description I’ve ever read. The person writing it must be a double agent working for our cause, otherwise how could this write this without peeing themselves with laughter:

Have you opened your Facebook page to God as a friend? Are you allowing Him to write on your wall?

It just doesn’t get any stupider than that. I wonder what kind of people attend this kind of church. How can they sit through such drivel every week — and not only that, but pay at least 10% of their income to attend?

These attempts to be “relevant” makes thee churches look anything but relevant. They seem pathetic, resulting to cheap gimmicks to ensnare the weak minded. Thankfully, it doesn’t take a genius to realize how utterly irrelevant they are in our age of information, science, and technology.

(via)

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40 Responses to Star Trek and Parenting for Jesus

  1. Custador says:

    “Have you opened your Facebook page to God as a friend? Are you allowing Him to write on your wall?”

    CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE FEST!!!

  2. wazza says:

    I’ve encountered this style before. It can maybe be done without giggles, but really you can make something relevant without coating it in pop culture…

  3. Soulless says:

    Spock is my God

    : )

  4. Steve Jeffers says:

    ‘Daymond Talkington’ sounds like a British Ferengi Captain.

  5. Lisa S says:

    Urg.

    They are sooooo trying to ruin Star Trek for me.

    If the Bible is perfect as written, why is it that I keep seeing pastors and churches trying to make it ‘relevant’ for today? If it transcends time then why aren’t all Christians sacrificing lambs? Or goats or whatever…
    I dunno. I would think that if something was outdated, perhaps there would be flaws. Perhaps it should be looked at again. Or totally discarded.
    Perhaps it should be regulated to the childrens fairy tale aisle. Although that is some scary shyte to read to your child.

    I’m imaging Jesus yelling “KHAAAAAAAN!!” ……. that could be different…….

  6. pa2rick says:

    What’s next? How about a sermon called “My Tweet Lord: Are YOU Following Jesus on Twitter?”

  7. Baconsbud says:

    Actually I don’t think the people using lines like that are the ones short on intelligence. They are aiming their words at people who tend to not think for themselves when it comes to select areas of life. I wish the religious would leave the fun things in life alone. Anything they get their hands on tends to be ruined.

    • Sock says:

      They’re looking at how much of the youth they’ve lost in recent years, and are trying to get them back by mentioning things that’re popular.

      Anyone with a modicum of intelligence can see how transparent and shameful this is. They’re like that dad who’s trying to be cool, and just fails miserably.

  8. Sock says:

    OH LAWDY! I HAS SEEN THE LIGHT! THROUGH HIS GLORIOUS WORDS THAT INVOKE THE POWER OF THE INTERNETZ I AM NOW TRANSMITTING THE HOLY SPIRIT!!11!!one!

  9. the chaplain says:

    That has to be one of the cheesiest, most desperate come-ons I’ve ever seen. Epic Fail.

  10. Not Delusioned says:

    Noticed your site and postings are becoming a little stale, less relevant and more off topic the past couple months or so.

    • LRA says:

      Not Delusioned is not not delusioned.

    • Question-I-thority says:

      Are you about to go ballistic over the content at Unreasonable Faith? Then join us this Sunday when the bloody arguments will run as high as a horse’s bridle. And since the not delusional are leaving in droves, we will go all out with The Babylon Whores and their BibleBoard smash, ‘Armagettin You Bitch’.

      /faux relevancy

    • Roger says:

      Good for you! Now go be a pestilence somewhere else.

    • Teleprompter says:

      “postings are becoming a little stale, less relevant and more off topic”

      Projection much, anyone?

      I think I’ve seen you before and it does seem like your comments have always met these criteria.

  11. 2-D Man says:

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure that the last time Yahweh was writing on a wall he was writing threats. I don’t want him writing on my wall.

  12. MahouSniper says:

    “Helping children find their identity in a fearful culture is an awesome task.”

    One big problem I’ve always seen is that Christian parents rarely accept their kids for who they are. They don’t help kids find their identity, they force a pre-made identity upon the kid. They try to force the kid to be something he’s not and that just screws everything up.

    • Kodie says:

      I don’t usually think it’s the wrong thing for parents to want to be accessible to their own children, or relevant, if this is a problem. It’s funny how they try, though, trying to pick up slang on a Today Show segment or dressing “cool” with headbands and sunglasses and ripped jeans for the sake of a conversation with their teenagers. I think it’s normal for parents to want to raise their children with similar values to their own, even if the parents don’t know right from wrong or use fallacious rationalizations for deciding what is right and wrong, this is what all parents do. I don’t take religion to be a separate subject that parents must withhold until a child decides. This is part of their values. Kids get information from everywhere, and that’s a good thing, but I don’t hold it against parents attempting to make sure the “right” messages get through, if that’s how they want to raise their children – it’s the natural compulsion. If they got there through a belief in god, it’s normal for them to want their children to conclude the same, or at least behave well. I guess some atheists consider this traumatic as per their experiences growing up in a religious household, but religious training is under the heading of values people want their kids to understand. Some of it is harsh, unforgiving, strict, fearful, etc., but I don’t think those words are reserved for religious upbringing or that all religious upbringings are as limiting and ultimately defeating. It’s just parenting, it’s cuckoo. They do what they mean well doing.

  13. Sleestak says:

    Star Trek today, Chronicles of Narnia a few years ago.

    • Elemenope says:

      That’s a little different, since Lewis intended the Narnia books to be a covert children’s introduction to Christianity.

      “Jesus is a lion, get in teh car!!1!”

  14. I know you mean all of this for fun and games for the most part, but come on man. Yeah, the sermon description is dumb. But what’s the point of publicly ridiculing it? Seriously?

    • Jabster says:

      What’s the point — well I think you answered the question yourself, it’s dumb. The question you should ask yourself is why shouldn’t it be publicly ridiculed?

    • Roger says:

      Brandon is concerned, y’all! And possibly offended! Daniel, this totally means that you need to take this post down, issue an apology and get right back to writing screeds about how the church totally burned you when you were a kid or some such stereotypical “atheist” rantings against religion and the Invisible Sky Friend.

    • Daniel Florien says:

      Because it’s (1) funny and (2) stupid. Why shouldn’t I publicly ridicule it?

  15. Roger says:

    Wow. What a pathetic use of Star Trek. And the line about raising kids in a “fearful culture”…hmm. Doesn’t American Evangelical Christianity itself bear some of the responsibility for creating and fostering an atmosphere of fear? Evangelical Christianity casts itself as being “against” the world, and being an oppressed minority always caught between God and the Devil. Further, the world and all that’s within it is usually cast as evil–again, by Evangelical Christianity. Note the close linkage of the “electronic age” with a “fearful culture”–seems to me that this “ministry” characterizes the Internet Age as something to be feared, so they combat this via a superficial use of a science-fiction franchise that happens to be popular again. Epic fail.

  16. TheWrathOfOliverKhan says:

    This blog really seems to be bringing out the Concern Trolls lately.

  17. Cryogen Second says:

    That’s definitely one of the worst that I’ve ever heard… I went to one of these horribly small christian schools growing up. We had all “christian” textbooks so you can only imagine how awful some of them were…. 15 some odd years later I still remember my personal favorite from geometry.

    “Do you feel your life sloping away from God? Intercept it with the love of Jesus.”

    If ever there was a sign of the apocalypse, I believe it would be abeka book and bob jones.

  18. In high school, I was sent to live in a Southern Baptist group home for 2 years because I was an unruly teen. The pastors and counselors there were desperate to try to relate to us “bad kids” and “speak our language”… but every day, it went horribly wrong. It was like existing in an evangelical “after school special”, and their daily sermons and prayer groups with us were exactly like the sermon you posted above. There’s nothing more creepy than a middle aged man with a southern drawl and a comb-over waving a bible around yelling “Jesus is totally gnarly and wants to be the number 1 dude in your radical life!”.
    I would list more creepy examples, but the memories give me chills of embarrassment and my brain is refusing to access this information any longer out of self-preservation.

  19. Mark D says:

    Fundies have their own sci-fi, its “Late Great Planet Earth” and “Left Behind”.

  20. Siveambrai says:

    Wow… Sadly the first thing I saw upon reading your description is “The Enterprise would never intervene! It would break the Prime Directive!”

    I guess the best hope we can have is that many of the kids/young adults this is aimed at will think the same thing.

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