Great idea, except it would attract the fundies:
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Now THAT is funny!!!!! LOL!!!
That is pretty funny and it is quite true. Although, I do think that I would be quite tempted to sit next to that gentleman and discuss Jeebus with him.
There is a small (?) contingent of LDS missionaries that I’ve seen on one of my regular bus routes. They always travel in pairs, but they separate on the bus so they can talk to their seat neighbor. Good thing they wear name tags so one is not taken by surprise. It’s essentially the same as wearing the t-shirt.
That would be awesome.
The first time they started talking to me about jebus, I’d start hitting on them. Really obvious, really lewd, encourage them to come along and watch. Ask them about their sexual prefrences, and how they feel about experimentation, all while speaking in a PG -13 but very direct fashion. I wonder how long it would take them to move to another seat.
I once had two Mormon chicks stop by my house, one hot, one not. The ugly one was a real c*ckblocker. The hot one was from South Africa (white of course), the accent, the blonde girl, remained me a little of Charlize Theron. I was nice to them, asked them about their travels, telling the hot one where all the cool bars were. I could just tell if the ugly one wasn’t around, I am sure the Afrikaner chick would have love to party with me. I could tell she was once a party girl. (Most white southern African girls love to party)
I invited both of them into my house for a beer. No luck.
On the serious side, I did give them Thomas Paine’s agruement, that Joseph Smith’s revelation was his revelation and not mine, and I would not believe in god until he appeared to me personally.
They give me some literature, I gave them my business card. I never heard back from the hot one (or the ugly one). Maybe one day if I go to Cape Town, I will meet the blonde at a disco. We will drink, dance and, screw. Because this is the only life you get, enjoy it. I’m sure Joseph Smith would do the same thing.
What a Douche
If this was a true story, you’d have no reason to share it. The fact that you did share in this context makes you a sad, sad man … more concerned about what random strangers think of you than you are about appreciating the life experiences that brought you here. A man who most certainly would not “party at the disco” with a “hot mormon chick.”
If it’s not a true story, well, yeah … you’re an attention-starved douche. And also very sad.
Once, this really hot guy struck up a conversation with me. Blinded by the hot, I engaged him, thinking that I’d hit a jackpot. More like a crackpot. Five minutes in, he asks me if I went to church, and then I realized that I had fallen into a godbot trap. He was a crazy member of this crazy sect called the Church of Christ Jesus and wouldn’t take my “Nah, I have a church that I’m comfortable with” for an answer. He tried to convince me that the church I went to was super wroooong. Finally, sick of his nonsense (and pissed off that I had gotten hoodwinked), I said, “So. What does your church have to say about same-sex marriage?” Of course, he said that they thought it was wrong. My response: “And that’s why I am not going to your church.” Conversation over.
I have seen these pairs too 2 times.
They tried to talk about Jezus in a muslim neighberhood.
I was a bit too slow, so they started to talk to me, and it was a hell of a time to get rid of them.
I don’t let myself get buttonholed by anybody. Sorry if you’re raising money for a decent charity or you want me to sign your petition for something fantastic, but I’m not going to stop and find out what you want, or take any pieces of paper from you, I don’t want to read it, I don’t want to have to throw it out. If you are handing out cash, I might change my mind on that last thing.
I hope the FSM will help me in that type of situation… if they can proselitize i can too
Source pls? Unless you drew it yourself, I’d like to see what else the author has to offer :)
Alvin, google “whyatt”. He’ll come right up!
http://www.google.com/search?q=whyatt
Took about 1/16th as long as posting a comment
Alvin B. is admonishing the author for not doing this already. I’m sure anybody capable of forming a coherent sentence can also use Google but the author should have done this before anyone asked.
LOL
It’s either that or one that says “I sell life insurance”.
@Kodie it is policy for LDS missionaries to always travel in pairs, and least staying withing eye-sight of each other. They will in fact stay with the same “mission companion” for weeks/months at a time, and occasionally during the period of their mission, will change and get a new companion.
I couldn’t sit with a straight face with that shirt on ::(
Why not? It doesn’t say “Let me talk to you about how Jesus is your savior”. For all anyone knows, you may want to talk to them about how Jesus was a fraud!
The LDS thing is a safety issue. If one missionary should encounter a knowledgeable/persuasive person, the other will pull his comrade away before he has time to consider the weight of any arguments against Mormonism. For example, one missionary was unfazed as I recounted Joseph Smith’s history as a conman, womanizer, etc. Then the second who was southern Asian, quite dark, perhaps Indonesian, joined us. I asked if she knew that she would not have been considered human in Mormon theology until 1979 when they finally acknowledged nonwhites. Further, neither of them could attain anything in the supposed afterlife except through their husbands or, if single, their fathers, since they were female. The first started pulling the second away so fast, I thought the sidewalk might shatter.
Righto, that and a chaperone / tattletale..if one feels the urge to do some sinning, the other is there to snap them in line or tell on them.
Also, if one is having trouble in a discussion with someone who may be challenging, the other missionary is there to cover up holes, divert the conversation, trivialize points, keep the partnership from questioning their mission, etc.
They are very well trained!
And apparently, there’s nothing you can tell them that would ruin their day or discourage them. That’s probably what I hate most about people handing out Jesus on the sidewalk, but like I said, I don’t stop moving to see what anyone wants anymore.
The single most uncomfortable sentence in the English language.
Actually, I think “How’s your sphincter?” is pretty close. Toss up.
Reminds me of a an idea that Stephen Fry quoted (I forget whose, unfortunately). He said the easiest way to ensure that the seat next to you on the bus remains unoccupied when someone gets on is not to try to occupy the whole seat or use your bag as the determined boarder will always make room for him or herself. The best way is to look the oncoming would-be sitter straight in the eye, pat the seat next to you and smile.
Though when that strategy fails it’ll fail badly. You’ll attract and invite conversation with an actual overly-friendly person, which if you are trying to sit alone is probably the exact opposite of what you want.
True. Although in his defence he was talking about the UK where nobody talks to each other until they’ve been formerly introduced.
In the UK it really depends where you are. In the South nobody speaks to each other but in the North you can’t shut them up!
I’m *from* the north and, believe me, it’s not all characters from “All Creatures Great and Small”. There are some damned uptight people too ;)
I should have really qualified my post with ‘as a gross generalisation’ I do think that there is a difference between the North and the South but even we have our chirpy cockneys to contend with! Of course this is based on my total of four times that I’ve ventured north of the Watford Gap so it’s possible I may not be entirely accurate.
When I did the backbacking through Europe thing, I hung out with some girls from Northern England who were attending university at Edinburg– I could hardly understand what they were saying most of the time and had to ask them to repeat themselves in French. In all fairness, they had some trouble with my Texan accent as well, so I had to repeat myself in French, too! It’s crazy that two groups of English speaking people can’t speak English to each other! :)
I’ve spent a bit of time in Dallas and often found it difficult to make myself understood. Best example was the waiter claiming that they didn’t have any ‘water’ but I then changed tact and asked for some ‘wadder’ — I choose not to have any butter!
Ha! One of the girls asked me,
“Hey, culdyaputaweebitosunblokeonmeback?”
“what???”
“culdyaputaweebitosunblokeonmeback?”
“huh????”
“SUNBLOCK! ON ME BACK!”
“Ohhhhhhh!”
;)
They also had to explain to me what snogging was.
LMAO!!! What IS snogging? Oh, wait, is it what I think? Is it what UK’ers refer to as…”shagging”? (I had to find out what “grits” were…)
“Snogging” is British slang for kissing or making out.
OK, I get it. Snogging leads to shagging, right? Unless you’re a fundie, in which case you might be able to get away with a little big of snog, but no shag – did I get that right? (reminds me of a joke – why do evangelical christians not shag standing up? Because it could lead to dancing…)
… erm I do hope you’ve not just enraged the whole of Scotland by calling it Nothern England! The other way to do it on hearing someone is from Scotland is ask them what it’s like been ruled by the English … yep I’ve heard an American ask that question.
No- they really were from Northern England! They just went to uni in Scotland. (Gees- even I know not to mix up the states of the UK!)
“The states” — nope we don’t have them we have the United Kingdom, Great Britain, England and Wales, Northern Island and Scotland. Then just to make it more compilacated we also have crown dependencies and overseas territories which are the last of the British Empire (read as take over your country and nick your resources). All very compilcated really.
Oh it was the “wee” bit in your post that made me think of Scotland …
Well, I wasn’t sure if they are all separate countries, or provinces, or what the proper terminology for each part of the UK is. Actually, my aunt did her PhD at Oxford and ended up marrying a British guy– they have a 300+ year old house in the Cotswalds area. I see her about once a year, and we talk about her life there in England, so I’m not totally ignorant when it comes to the UK (just sort of ignorant!) :)
To be honest even us natives find it difficult to understand and use the terms UK and Great Britain interchangably. The confusing part is when you have to state your nationality — am I English, British or from the UK, or actually are all three answer right?
Ha! Yes I can see how that would be confusing! Well, I’d like to spend some more time there– perhaps when it is summer? I’ve been to London and the environs of London, but I’d like to go all over. And, yes, I know I’m not Scottish, but my ancestors were, so I’d like to go there as well. I just worry about talking to them! :)
Well, technically, a state is a country or nation. The United States was exactly that, at first, a bunch of states (nations, former colonies) that decided to unite against the British. Then the merger came and the name stuck. But I see what you mean. I get pissy when people mention my “English ancestors”, when I’m actually Scottish-Irish.
Hey Jabs…next time ya come to big “D” make sure ya look up your good buddy John C! :)
But seriously, how’d you like Dallas?
Honest answer — not a lot. My general view of the locals was that had two main activites; talking about how great they were and how much money they had (hint: money is not taking out loans as many people have now found out) and secondly claiming that they were actaully Irish, Polish etc. because their great, great, great, great grandmother or something was. Besides that, and the removal of humour at birth, it was a wonderful place!
p.s. Having a hut from 1863, or whatever it was, it nothing to be proud of. I knew people who live in houses far older than that.
Yeah- Dallas does have the reputation of being the home of the $30,000 a year millionaire!
Anyhow, perhaps next time you are in Texas, you can spend some time in Austin. It is very laid back and is a lovely city. :)
Now Austin I really liked. It was almost as though they had transplanted a different culture just to annoy the rest of Texas and then made it the capitol for good measure! Who’d of thought that it was a good idea to have a city where it’s actually possible to walk around and not have to use a car.
Yes- I thoroughly enjoy living in Austin! It is really beautiful here and I like the people very much!
Seems there are a few Americans on this thread. I just want to say how much I love your country. And this is an amazing thing for me to say, because I, along with many Canadians, used to be an “america basher” of sorts. I wrongly assumed that people were like, well, kinda like George W. All about guns, god, and *gasp* no universal health care!!! Barbaric. It is the height of irony that I fell for an American guy, from the south no less. Turns out it’s the fringe right-wingers that are “redneck”, not the whole country. When I went to Atlanta, I was blown away by the smells, the sophistication, the friendliness, and general coolness of the city. Now, we’re making plans for me to actually MOVE to the US in a year or so – we’ll probably be going to Illinois. The universe has quite a cosmic sense of humor, as I’ve been eating quite a few of my (former) words and they are NOT tasty.
I’m Canadian, and my (wonderful) boyfriend lives in the middle of the bible belt in Atlanta, Georgia, US. I went to visit him, and the airport is HUGE. You have to take a train, inside the airport, from the plane to baggage. I asked someone for directions, and I could not understand one word – strong southern accent. I kept saying “excuse me?” and they looked at me like I was a retard.
Aw! I know how frustrating that can be! :)
I’ve been to Atlanta airport once and all I remember is that they had used a designer who’s last job was to design a maze …
Re Atlanta airport – I think it’s their way of ensuring that nobody with an IQ of less than 115 can enter the city. Undesirables will never find their way out of the airport.
Actually the companion thing is a safety issue.
You have a witness for when someone tries to get you arrested for rape or assault.
We had people who would deliberately do that to missionaries just for the hell of it.
The buddy system has many benefits all around from the POV of the proselytizing church. The ones you mention (safety, legal protection) as well as mentioned by others (doctrinal discipline, tag teaming, some creepy big brotherish stuff).
Sure. But you try doing that sometime.
I can tell you, the backup is appreciated just from a moral support standpoint. It’s rough being a nineteen year old kid and going out and doing what they do.
I remember my stint as a Mormon missionary back in the 1990s in Japan. First time I tried to “approach” someone on the street, I almost threw up. Never got over that fear really even to the end of my tour.
Some missionaries had the personality and street smarts to instinctively know who to talk to, and who would be a waste of everyone’s time to talk to. Others didn’t have the perception to tell, but were determined to give it a shot anyway. Others, like me didn’t have the stomach for too much street contacting or door knocking. I spent most of my mission interacting with people who were happy to see us. I never had much use for imposing on people who obviously didn’t want to talk to me.
It takes all kinds of missionaries. And you never really learn to do the job right until you muddle through repeated screw-ups. So a bit of awkwardness is to be expected.
Thanks for the candor; you obviously were put through some amazing experiences. I can’t imagine the memories you must have.
Interesting that the Spirit and/or Heavenly Father wasn’t with you enough to give you a calm, warm, happy, loving feeling instead of nausea and anxiety.
Interesting that the LDS speak of the very “feelings” you get with Heavenly Father’s work and words is what tells you that it is true. That is: when you “feel” that it is right, that is exactly how you know it’s right.
So what about all of those times that you feel it is so wrong?
I once had a gig as a door-to-door fundraiser for the Sierra Club (and got shot at and attacked by dogs for my trouble; separate incidents), and know of the feelings you speak, so I don’t begrudge anyone the difficulty of approaching complete strangers and trying to get them to listen to you for any purpose, never mind a subject as sensitive as spirituality.
My buddy system comment wasn’t flippant (though I can see how it could come off that way). It is easy to see the advantages of pairing people up for any sort of social task. It just strikes me (as it has struck others on the thread) that a non quite accidental consequence of this system is one of social reinforcement and conformity among the participants, an effect which most religious organizations would not see as a problem but which many outside that milieu look upon askance, and not without reason.
L. Jerome, my commitment to the LDS faith has never been primarily based on “warm fuzzies.” So it wasn’t really an issue for me.
Elemenope,
Fair enough. There are aspects of Mormonism that are authoritarian and conformist. The Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah is pretty-much boot camp. But… the sheer logistics of managing that many 19 year old kids, and then tossing them out into every corner of the globe most certainly demand something different from what most people are used to. The whole thing could easily go to hell in a handbasket if you didn’t keep it under control.
These things have their ups and downs. On the one hand, it’s a proven way to get the job done. On the other hand, it looks like – to outsiders – that we’re raising an army of cyborgs or something. Almost any time you’re dealing with teenagers on a large scale, it looks like brainwashing.
Ever been to high school football camp?
Well, not football, but I did help run a summer debate team camp session at my old high school one year, and it was very much a barely-controlled chaos sort of situation. Then again, regimentation wouldn’t have worked for that type of activity as much as it would with sports. On the other hand, when I was on the wrestling team, it was quite Spartan.
I tend to think that teenagers, in general, are imbued with these odd sort of powers of mischief and disorder by their parents and other adults that most don’t actually possess, and the urge to control them, while thought of as necessary, tends to be so only because of the act of attempting to control them in the first place. By and large, of course; obviously there are examples which break the rule.
Some mormons accosted me outside my apt bldg. I was courteous to them, and when they asked if I had heard the good news (and on from there), I told them yes, I had heard it, for most of my life, determined that it was false teaching, that I didn’t believe there was a god, and that I was an atheist. The whole time with a friendly smile on my face. Seems they didn’t know what to do with me, so I wished them a good day and moved on. It was kinda fun – guess they thought an atheist would look like a monster or something, would be rude, or do something cruel since apparently we have no morals!
I’m going to be travelling by bus in a few days, and I’m thinking I might bring my bible. I really don’t want anyone sitting with me because I stretch out and sleep. However, it could backfire and an enthusiastic fundy might sit there. Nah, not worth the risk.
I don’t think it’s so risky. If a fundie seats near you, be sure to explain him that your particular sect of christianism -one picked randomly, but different from his sect- is the only one who truly know the word of God; that he is not better than a muslim and other people mislead by satan and he is going to hell to suffer eternally. He should leave you alone.
Hey, helluva idea! What kind of evil lurks inside of me that I would consider this kind of mind-f*cking good clean fun????
What will happen if you tell that fundie you are a terrorist christian?
what do you get when you cross a mormon with a hell’s angel ?
a guy that knocks on your door and tells you to F*CK OFF.
@ Mark D
I am South African, and you are spouting the biggest lot of shit I have ever heard. Your statement about if you ever got to Cape Town just proves that you know nothing about the people of South Africa. Keep on dreaming, because that’s the closest you will ever get to any woman no matter where she is from.
LOL funny
but what if someone really does want to talk about jesus
mormans are fucking crazy and to damn annoying but they have there uses. me and a buddy of mine who happened to be a very large guy got locked out of his house right.well we needed to get over his like seven foot tall back fence to get back in the house. well along come to helpful mormons to push this 23opund guy up and over, we then promptly shut the door in thier face and ignored them.
Wow. Ignorance.
Sit next to him and start talking Amway, or Jehovahs Witness, better yet. Scientology!
My father would have long chats with the door to door knockers at the gate (whoever they might be). He never invited them in though, he would get coffee brought out with biscuits or cake etc. and have a serious theological debate with them about their religion, beliefs and the basis on which they were founded. I often wondered who was converting who. All I know is that they never came back again. My sister does the same thing now. I just tell them that I need to keep the door shut otherwise the sacrificial goat will escape.