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Today’s pornography producers have nothing on The Bible.
I know a few people I’d like to share this with who voted FOR Prop 8 here in California because marriage between a man and a woman is so damn sacred. Because you know, the Bible says it is. Ha!
The Onion, ftw!
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/conservatives_warn_quick_sex
Nice video.
It’s always good when someone makes a satirical but actually true video about christian “morals”
Betty never fails to enlighten and entertain.
Well done, sister. Well done.
Haaaahahahahahahaha!
Oh, she’s great! She’s got “The Perfect Christian Look”. Knows her bible, too!
That’s it, I’m reconverting back to christianity. I had the bible all wrong before. I hadn’t realized I could do all those nifty things. With gOds blessing no less. Sign me up!
Me too!
I made a joke about Christianity being pro-orgy in (the most recent) abortion thread, but now I guess I can say it seriously.
Finger acoss the lip.
Classic. Sarcasm at it’s best. Although these stories sound equally as ridiculous in King James English.
If you don’t mind Daniel, I’ll be pinging this one.
You’d think Jews & Christians would be happy to admit these stories are most likely myths! :)
Not a chance. They’re just as blind as you, I assume, and I was before we stopped looking into the blinding light of faith.
You forgot to add a ‘humor’ tag! You might want to, or someone might take this seriously.
You just KNOW that people will take this seriously despite having a “humor” tag. I wonder how long it’ll take for someone to wander by and say, “But, but, but the NEW Testament totally trumps the Old Testament and Jesus (aka Paul) says that you’re supposed to have just ONE wife! You’re taking the Bible out of context!!”
Ok, technically, I already said it, but I’m totally not being serious.
Aaaaah, you forget: It’s okay for modern Christians to arbitrarily decide which bits of the Bible are just metaphors and which bits should be firmly adhered to.
Pingback: The House of Zot » Blog Archive » Biblical marriage as it really is
It’s interesting how people like John C never have anything to say about these videos.
Marriage is a metaphor for Jesus’ love for his bride; the OT is just full of bad examples and no good ones; a biblical marriage means whatever the NT says about it, or at least the parts we read & like… etc
“But from the beginning of creation, God MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE”. Mark 10:6
The “mystery of marriage” is this…orginally Adam was spirit and BOTH male and female having a nature like God (being made in His image and likeness) who is neither gender but spirit (Jn 4:4). Only after death (sin) did Adam take on a lower form (flesh) and was “split” so now we see the “coming together” in sexual union illustrating the original design and the Oneness.
So God created a hermaphrodite first?
That puts a whole new spin on the relationship between religion and sexuality.
Nope, Adam was originally in spirit form…like God. We only took on flesh after sin,
John C – where does the bible say that? I’ve never heard that before.
Jesus says in Mark 10:6 that God originally made them “male and female”. Why would He have to say that? We all know that there are men and women right? Its kinda obvious. But early Genesis is actually the depiction of man’s creation in two states, the first (undefiled, pristine, pre-fall) spiritual “God-man” made in the image and likeness of God (spirit) and then the post sin man covered in flesh (fig leaves, hiding, etc after sin) when the God-nature (male and female attributes having been seprated) is now a duality to be reconciled…hence “marriage”. The female aspect of our being is represented by the soul, and the male by the spirit.
I’m not bibical scholar, but didn’t Eve come before the fall?
Very poetic John C. But what is the biblical basis for saying the Adam was “spirit” and not “human” before the fall? And that Eve represents the soul, etc? And if one man and one woman are truly ordained as the perfect match, why did god condone rape of virgins, polygamy, and incest in so many verses? I’ve never heard a christian really deal with the horrific atrocities in the bible, specifically the attitudes towards women. You’d think that a perfect god would have mentioned something about women’s equality SOMEWHERE…but no, we have talk about submission to men, not speaking in church, not having authority over men, but nothing actually supportive of women. Only the opposite, in great numbers.
I thought that Adam was created of dust? If I’m not wrong here, how could he be s ‘spirit’?
Joe B (no reply option for Joe), I’m sure John C will respond to your question but right now he’s busy trying to get his foot out of his mouth.
Maybe this will help you understand. Christ is the restoration as to how things were before the fall. Christ came in the flesh as us, then assumed a celestial, spiritual body after His death and resurrection. That body which is not subject to death and decay is our original constitution prior to the fall.
So man (adam) is originally made in spirit form (like God) and only after the fall took on “humanity” in its lowered form. Man was frist “created” in the image and likeness of God and then after the fall he was re-”formed” of the dust of the earth since sin (death to the higher spiritual life “in the day you eat of it you shall surely die meaning a spiritual death).
Janet…the biblical basis for saying adam was spirit prior to the fall is that God is spirit (jn 4:4) and man was made in “God’s image and likeness” which is spirit. So man is “lowered: into the physical, flesh realm since he abdicated his high place of spiritual authority in sin.
It helps to keep in mind what we are being restored to, most of us have no understanding of this, and this is what Christ came for to cancel the consequences of sin (death). As far as women’s rights go, God doesn’t “see” gender differences like we do, of course He knows the difference, its just that now in Christ as scripture says…there is no longer male or female, jew or greek, slave or free but all are ONE in Christ…again.
@JohnC
Sorry I couldn’t reply to your answer because there was no reply button, so I had to reply to myself another question to you :D.
If Adam (and Eve) where just spirits, how could they eat an apple of the tree of knowledge? The talking snake a spirit too?
John C – I actually like this analysis, as an analogy anyway – that when 2 people love each other, and complement each other’s strengths, the unit becomes stronger than the individuals.
On the other hand, the concept of marriage between one man and one (consenting) female sorta slid downhill after Adam and Eve had kids…
Adam-Eve were originally an ethereal “dual-unity” possessing both natures, male and female within.
How does an ethereal “dual-unity” eat an apple?
It wasn’t a literal apple. Man listened to, ate from the twisted thought life of perverted self love, came out of the incubator of his own innocence in which he dwelt safely and peacefully in God. Partook of the snake (carnal mind/twisted thoughts) and is still doing it, insisting that he be independent instead of wholly dependent. The results were devastating to the whole of creation. Christ restores what was lost in the original, paradaisical.
Joe, Joe. It wasn’t actually an apple. It was “fruit”. And as John C points out, it wasn’t “literal” fruit. It was “figurative” fruit. The kind that a spirit Eve can digest without pepto-bismol. Jeez, get your facts straight.
John C’s rather sweet “duality to be reconciled” metaphor predates the Bible.
“The Greek legend that Aristophanes tells in Plato’s Symposium is another of this kind. Aristophanes says that in the beginning there were creatures composed of what are now two human beings. And those were of three sorts: male/female, male/male, and female/female. The gods then split them all in two. But after they had been split apart, all they could think of to do was to embrace each other again in order to reconstitute the original units. So we all now spend our lives trying to find and re-embrace our other halves.”
http://www.scribd.com/doc/15970793/Campbell-Joseph-Moyers-Bill-The-Power-of-Myth-vjsfhotmailfr
If God is neither gender nor spirit, how come there’s all this talk of Him, His, etc? Shouldn’t we call God ‘It’?
Good point. We’ve been calling God “he” for thousands of years. It’s time we called God “she” or “it”. Or maybe a combination – “shit”.
Even when I was a kid, I noticed the mysogeny in the bible, and was quite revolted by the constant references to the church being god’s “bride”. It felt (feels) quite perverted to me. legitimizes inequality of power – the “bride” is never as powerful or wise as “god”.
It’s entertaining to watch Christians jump through hoops and desperately try to come up with explanations for what is clearly wrong. The Bible NEVER says ANYWHERE that Adam and Eve were “spiritual beings.” It pretty clearly says Adam was made out of physical dust into a physical man, and Eve was made out of Adam’s rib into a physical woman. They ate a physical apple and then had sex with their sons.
Yep… they love to pick and choose. Don’t look at the Old Testament for anything that makes us uncomfortable… but make sure the Ten Commandments are in the court house.
I could never understand why christians were so unwilling to consider the OT. Did god’s nature change suddenly 2000 years ago? His bloodlust was fulfilled with the torture and murder of his child, I guess? After all Jesus made it very clear that he came to fulfill the law, and that nothing had changed…every dot & tiddle or something like that. It’s kind of like the adam and eve “incest” question – christians are embarrassed and mumble some kind of incomprehensible answer and then suddenly throw their hands up to the heavens and shout “Praise Jesus!” Or is it just me?
That would be jot and tittle. And the earth isn’t supposed to pass away until every “jot and tittle” of the law is fulfilled. So how does the New Testament just wipe it all out?
Michelle, thanks for the clarification – I guess I was near the ball park on that one, but not quite playing in it. And the point is – the NT doesn’t wipe it out. It condones it. That means everything – all the horrors, absurdities, abuses, genocides, and atrocities. Christians conveniently forget this and prefer to discuss gentle jesus.
Well, ‘gentle Jesus’ is so much nicer to think about. I mean, who wants to think about having your entire family demolished and all you had taken away (Job) or, as this video shows, sleeping with your sister or brother. Nobody, so… they don’t. They just praise Jesus.
I think this issue of christians ignoring the OT can be answered with a parable.
There was a litter of kittens. A nice man we’ll refer to as “Pat Robertson” was considering adopting one of them.
The owner of the kittens said, “These are christian kittens! they will be ready for adoption at 8 weeks”. Robertson was thrilled that he was about to adopt a kitten that, at such a young age, had devoted his life to christ and had been washed in the blood (the owner didn’t mention that the blood was actually placenta, but that’s not important to this story).
8 weeks later, Robertson came to pick up his kitten and brought his buddy we’ll call “Jerry Falwell”. He proudly said to Jerry, “These kittens are christians!”
The owner said, sadly, “No, I’m afraid they’re athiests”.
“What do you mean, they’re atheists? You told me they were christian kittens!”
“Well, that was true then. But since that time, their eyes have been opened.”
“dot & tiddle” Ahhhhahahahahahaha!
Of course, “jot and tittle” sounds *mmmpphhh* *snerk* excuse me just as ludicrous. It always gave me a snicker.
(Even aside from its usage and context, in which anyone who changes a jot or tittle of “this” bible will be anathema or damned or some really bad thing. Xians always skip over this wrt the councils of Nicaea and Constantinople, and all the translations, changes and omissions.)
My evangelical parents are, for the most part, bible literalists. Although anything unsuitable is called “parable”, “simple instruction”, or “taken out of context”. But they have never answered the issue of how christianity actually came to exist in it’s present form (ie the bible, divinity of jesus, etc.). It is clear from history that the decisions made were political, and were generally arbitrary based on the Council of Nicea. But again, christians must close their eyes to so much reality to stay in their bubble…what’s one more problem among many?
See, if they actually put all 613 commandments on the stone, not only would it be a much larger stone, but it would also put into proper context just how seriously they should be taken.
That would be a pretty heavy stone too – probably too hard to carry down the mountain. I saw a spoof of the movie “The Ten Commandments” where Moses comes down from the mountain with 3 tablets and proclaims “God has 15…” (drops one tablet) “…make that – 10 Commandments, Perfect, Complete, and Timeless!” Maybe “thou shalt not abuse children”, “thou shalt not condone slavery”, “thou shalt not beat your wife, and woman shall be your equal partner”, and “thou shalt take care of the earth or it will smite you” were on that (unfortunately) broken third tablet. If only Moses hadn’t been so damn clumsy, we would live in a very different world. Kind of like might have happened if Americans had voted in Gore instead of Bush.
I saw a spoof of the movie “The Ten Commandments” where Moses comes down from the mountain with 3 tablets and proclaims “God has 15…” (drops one tablet) “…make that – 10 Commandments, Perfect, Complete, and Timeless!”
That would be Mel Brooks’ “History of the World, Part I”.
Here’s the clip.
I’m impressed with the encyclopedic knowledge of the people on this site! I think Jeeves might just go out of business.
Probably won’t fall in the trap of Obama Bin Laden. He wanted to bleed America to death financially.
Sorry, typing error. I mean Osama Bin Laden. I am so sorry.
Now, the only law is the law of love.
Orly? Then God surely has no problem with homosexual love, correct? That’s love too.
Damn, I wish I was a guy and could convert back to christianity. Too bad both of those things are equally impossible. *sigh*
Pingback: Marriage the Biblical way. « the BEattitude
This video makes fun of a serious subject, though – that is, christianity and oppression of women.
Here is an interesting article on the damage christianity does to women and healthy male-female relationships:
http://www.pinn.net/~sunshine/book-sum/abuse.html
Pingback: A Biblical Marriage Is Between… « Rodibidably
I love Betty Bowers and Landover Baptist.
I agree. And Bill Maher and Pat Condell on youtube.
I love Pat too, plus nonstamp collector.
I love all of those, plus Edward Current.
YES YES. I just discovered Landover Baptist & Edward Current. I think some xtians believe that they are serious!!! Definitely, these are “the best of”.
Now I am not a biblical scholar,but the bible not only sugests but talks about other folk whom exsited at the time of Adam and Eve,those who were outside of the garden etc. now granted the whole thing could have possibly been done through incest but it sugests that it was not and that other people(I think human,hahahahah,but who knows)also exsisted…thus in it’s own pages the bible states that although Adam and Eve were the first they were not the only humans created by god…..I always wonder why that is forgotten by bible thumpers,and those that argue with them, anyway amusing video and yup biblically correct.
Its my understanding that god thought ol’ Adam would be happy and content just counting and naming the various animals recently created. Only when Adam became bored did god decide to see what he could get for a rib. But then there are two creation stories to choose from.
By the way, I added up the numbers and determined that my extended family (aunts, uncles and cousins) exhibits a 70% divorce rate. Yup, marriage is indeed sacred, ay least in my family.
(side note – I have college anatomy/physiology students who are convinced that men have one less rib than women, despite the well articultated skeletons we display, one male one female).
How are those people in college in the first place?
I think too frequently money buys an unearned place in the best universities. Case in point – George W.
That is the one thing that pisses me off more than anything else in the world. There are a bunch of rich idiots who are in college only because their parents MADE them go, complaining about how HARD their classes are.
Meanwhile, I’m in college voluntarily, where I get much-needed intellectual stimulation. The classes are, at worst, a pleasant challenge, and I’m consistently on honor rolls, yet I’m putting myself deeper and deeper in debt with each passing semester. I mean, thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster for student loans, because that’s the only way I’m even IN college.
Yes, I’ll admit I have a bit of an issue with that too. I fought my way through under-grad and law school as a single mother, living on student loans and part-time jobs. Ran out of money usually around February with a few more months to go in the school year. Major upheaval if my son lost a mitten (I live in a very cold climate) because there was no money for a new pair of mittens. My friends in school called up daddy for an extra 10 grand when they needed it. I had to learn that life isn’t fair and to be ok with that. (My parents offered to pay for me to go to bible school, but not university.) I guess it kinda bugs me when christian conservatives willfully stay uninformed when I had to work so hard to get my education.