by Vorjack
I’m sure we’re all familiar with the story of Elisha and the She-Bears, from 2 Kings 2:23-24:
[Elisha] went up from there to Bethel; and while he was going up on the way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him, saying, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” And he turned around, and when he saw them, he cursed them in the name of the LORD. And two she-bears came out of the woods and tore forty-two of the boys.
I think Heinlein mentioned this passage in about half his books. Well, he wasn’t the only person to find this passage an inspiration. In the 18th century, some pious lunatic decided that this was the perfect scene to immortalize on a cookie mold. Because there’s nothing that will make the kiddies happier when they get their treat than a reminder to respect their elders … or else.
The link will take you to the site of “House on a Hill” who are helpfully producing a modern facsimile. So you and kids can share the type of experience that their therapists can spend years unpacking, all for the low price of $65.
If they offer a bulk discount, I’m sure Hemant Mehta would want one, too.
I always found killing children with bears was the best way to teach them a lesson.
But a male can’t bear children…
… lol.
The best children bedtime story, ever!
OK a bit off-topic, but maybe interesting for another tpic, it is about the absurdity of American Christians that clame to follow the bible but only take the good parts and ignore the other parts, like slavery, incest, many wives, rape… which is also part of the bible
Here is all about real christian mariage according to the bible.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFkeKKszXTw&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fgoodreasonnews%2Eblogspot%2Ecom%2F&feature=player_embedded
I won’t lie: there have been many times when I’ve wished a bear could come out and maul a group of teenagers. Mainly when riding public transit.
That makes you a RealChristian™!
When we encounter children or teens being obnoxious, my wife will lean over to me and whisper “bears.” And then we feel better.
Slightly off-topic, but still on the subject of bratty annoyances. About 2 to 3 years ago I came down with a bad case of dyshidrosis on both hands (tiny blisters that grew into big blisters and formed mainly along the sides of the fingers; later figured out it was an allergic reaction to having been in contact with undiluted liquid laundry detergent; needed an Rx for steroid cream to knock this stuff out). At its worst point, my hands looked like a prop from a cheesy 1950′s horror movie (no exaggeration!). And for a couple of weeks I would wear gloves when going out in public, so as not to freak out the civilians.
And so I thought, if my wife & I were in a restaurant, say, and some nearby bratty kids were disrupting our dinner, I could see me leaning over and saying, “Behave yourselves …” while removing my gloves, “… or I will _touch_ you!” (Visualize holding up hideous, blister-ridden hand in claw-formation.)
Okay, I’ve wanted to get that fantasy out of my system for a while now. (Hmmm. Possible book title: _Fun with Dyshidrosis and Other Horrid Maladies_. )
This has to be in the running for the most ridiculous Bible passge ever.
If this is who you think God is, why then would you assume heaven is going to be a nice place to be?
Just think of God like an abusive husband — as long as you do exactly what he says and when he wants, everything will be wonderful! He loves you, sweetheart!
But if you don’t, well, then you had it coming…
I’d say the Noah’s Ark story takes the ridiculous cake, both for its implausibility and its implications. Mauling a bunch of teenagers is small potatoes compared to drowning the entire earth.
Also ridiculous is the Jesus-and-the-Fig-Tree story, wherein Jesus curses a soulless fig tree for not being in fruit out-of-season, as it was ostensible _designed_ to work by the “Creator.”
I try not to think about this one too much. I have to recalibrate my irony meter every time.
ostensibly, not ostensible …
sorry
Don’t worry, you’re not being graded.
I like that the LORD used she-bears rather than he-bears. As if to say “well I’m using female bears, that’s definitely less harsh”
I guess god sent She-bears because she-bears eating young boys doesn’t sound gay or catholic.
I heard this passage justified in Kenneth C. Davis’ Don’t Know Much About the Bible. He said the “boys” could have been up to age 30 because of the meaning of the word that “boys” was translated from. Also, when they make fun of his baldness, it’s not because they think being bald is funny or they’re not respecting their elders, they’re actually questioning Elisha’s holiness. The belief at the time was that holy people wouldn’t lose their youth by going bald, therefore Elisha wasn’t holy.
I don’t recall Davis’ sources, though. If anyone knows the translation and cultural context of the word translated as “boys,” I’d like to know.
Mr Davis is talking out of his ass, just like many fundies do to defend the bible. Like Jesus turning the water into grape juice instead of wine.
Davis is a Unitarian, not a fundie. But yeah, I just looked him up to see where he got his PhD. He never graduated from college. I try not to be an elitist snob, but whenever I see something from someone whose work “should revolutionize their field” even though no one will believe them, and “Wow! they don’t even have a PhD!” I get a little upset.
Yea right. at the period described in the story a 30 was an old man. anyway as someone who is one I resent the concept that having someone in their 30′s mauled by bears, of any gender, is acceptable.
Well even if: dozens of people getting killed in what must be one of the most painful and terrible ways to die, for putting into question one man’s holiness. According to the same book, this man if indeed that holy could have easily made some tree bear fruit or produce beverages out of sand or something. Ok, so God likes his demonstrations monstrously brutal, horrible and excessive. I guess that makes it all right. As long as it wasn’t about children. Like those others who were dashed to death on rocks.
Hellooooooo?????
God:
“Suffer the little children to come unto me….”
And, they will suffer, bwaaahhhhahahahaha….
“That ought to hold the little bastards for another week.”
- Attributed to various entertainers, not substantiated.
Heinlein:
“…. a God who sent two she-bears to tear forty-two children to bits for sassing his priest”
God:
“No Abortions! I reserve the right to polish them off capriciously after they’re born!”
Love the (very expensive!) cookie press.
God:
“No Abortions! I reserve the right to polish them off capriciously after they’re born!”
(*with the exception of sinful wicked fetuses of neighboring tribes whose land my priests happen to covet)