by VorJack
Biblical study is serious business, but sometime you just have to point and laugh.
Today’s reading is from the Epistle of Barnabas, a letter that was written somewhere between 80-120 CE. It was popular in its time, and managed to make it into the Codex Sinaiticus. It was attributed to Paul’s companion Barnabas, but of course this was a 2nd century guess and doesn’t fit the style or the dating.
The Real Meaning
One of the interesting things about the Epistle is that the author never got the memo that Christians were free to ignore the OT prohibitions and purity laws. Instead, the author sets himself to interpreting the “real” meaning of the laws passed down from Moses. The Jews, you see, had never understood:
To this end therefore, my brethren, He that is long-suffering, foreseeing that the people whom He had prepared in His well-beloved would believe in simplicity, manifested to us beforehand concerning all things, that we might not as novices shipwreck ourselves upon their law. (3:6 Lightfoot translation)
So God, realizing that the Jews would interpret his commands shallowly, made sure that this Son would explain things properly to the next group. It’s no wonder that Bart Ehrman considers this work offensive.
Allegorical Interpretations
Having set himself to the task of interpreting the scriptures properly, the author reaches for the Greek style of allegorical interpretation. So when Moses said “don’t eat this or that,” he was actually speaking symbolically:
So then it is not a commandment of God that they should not bite with their teeth, but Moses spake it in spirit. Accordingly he mentioned the swine with this intent. Thou shalt not cleave, saith he, to such men who are like unto swine; that is, when they are in luxury they forget the Lord, but when they are in want they recognize the Lord, just as the swine when it eateth knoweth not his lord, but when it is hungry it crieth out, and when it has received food again it is silent. (10:2-3)
So “don’t eat the pig” becomes “don’t associate with people who behave like a pig.” And, implicitly, don’t behave like a pig yourself. Fair enough.
Where this becomes unintentionally hilarious is when the author combines this scheme with the scientific understanding of the time.
Moreover thou shalt not eat the hare. Why so? Thou shalt not be found a corrupter of boys, nor shalt thou become like such persons; for the hare gaineth one passage in the body every year; for according to the number of years it lives it has just so many orifices. Again, neither shalt thou eat the hyena; thou shalt not, saith He, become an adulterer or a fornicator, neither shalt thou resemble such persons. Why so? Because this animal changeth its nature year by year, and becometh at one time male and at another female. (10:6-7)
And my favorite:
Moreover He hath hated the weasel also and with good reason. Thou shalt not, saith He, become such as those men of whom we hear as working iniquity with their mouth for uncleanness, neither shalt thou cleave unto impure women who work iniquity with their mouth. For this animal conceiveth with its mouth. (10:8)
Got that, kids? When Moses said “don’t eat the weasel,” he really meant “don’t have oral sex.”
Maybe I’m over interpreting this over-interpretation, but I don’t care. Because “eat the weasel” is the best euphemism I’ve ever heard.
This obviously means that Richard Dawkins is secretly obsessed with oral sex.
Or not.
Is anyone secretly obsessed with oral sex?
Are you suggesting he’s openly obsessed with oral sex?
I’m suggesting I am.
<..>
Hah! I’m going to put “eating the weasel” up there with “hiking the Appalachian Trail.”
Lmao.
I love the part about the transgendered hyena.
Actually, he has a point there. Hyenas don’t change genders, but his confusion can be understandable since females have a fake penis which makes them indistinguishable from males. Also females are bigger than males, which I think is the only case among mammals.
Oh yes, I know that, but it’s kind of a sweet interpretation of old-age science. XD
Hyenas are one of the few (the only?) animal to know what’s like to give birth through a penis, eh.
Baby, i’m gonna eat your weasel…
yeah, i’m totally using that line from now on.
Dude, I laughed so hard…
This gives entirely new meaning to my favorite phrase, “Happiness is a bag of shaved weasels.”
bahahaha
Pop goes the weasel.
Could someone explain to me about hares and orifices?
Gladly. You see, back in the days, accurate knowledge was represented by making shit up. I hope that helps. In case you don’t know how that would convince anyone, visit Ray Comfort’s blog, read the comments from Christians and cry. Then laugh. Then cry a little more. Then you will have understood.
Just noticed that we’ve met before, so I know you know the blog.
There is a discussion regarding why did the bible decided to mention pigs and hares by name in the jewish rabbinical literature and the explanation given is that they are unique in that they display one sign of pure animals while any other land animal have both (cloven hoof and chew cod) or none. now while pigs fit that they were going about hares chewing cod. once science got past the making shit up stage and got this weird idea that you suppose to actually check if your facts are correct the embarassing fact that hares don’t chew cod was discovered which had the guys trying hard to wriggle out with excuses like ‘it look like it does” and “hares sometime regurgitate and then eat the puke which is almost the same as chewing cod” hoping no one will actually notice that they just claimed that god who they say wrote the bible and have personally created all the animals still don’t know more about bunnies than people did in the bronze age.
Rabbits do not chew their cud, but instead eat a type of their own feces called Cecotropes. Apparently it is an adaptation that allows further absorption of nutrients the second time around. http://www.peteducation.com/article.cfm?c=18+1799&aid=2932
You and me can tell the difference but apparantly god can’t.
WTH is a cud?
“WTH is a cud?”
A partially digested lump of grass. Cows and some other grazers will swallow grass, let it pass through the digestive track once, then cough it up and give it another chewing. It helps break down the grass even farther.
When you live on something that is really just a strip of cellulose, you’ve got to use every trick in the book to get by.
Making shit up. Haaahahahahaha!
Like my high school friend (also no longer christian) saying “The aborigines in Australia are damned, unless someone gets there with a message about Jesus.” and “Saying ‘I don’t give a damn’ is a misnomer, it’s a cobbler’s dam, spelled differently”.
I think we both know today about aboriginal people doing fine, a cobbler uses a last, a tinker says “Damn!”, and making shit up as you go along.
See below: rabbits make it up too, speaking of making shit up.
In Pliny the Elder’s work Naturalis Historia he mentions another author who claims that the rabbit grows a new anus every year, in addition to the one it was born with. Where this idea comes from, I have no idea.
But then (as now, I suppose) rabbits were symbols of promiscuity. There was also the overtone of homosexuality, as we sometimes see depictions of an adult man handing a hare to a young man as a sign of continued affection.
OK I think I got it.
Weasel=oral sex
Hyena=transgender
Hare=gay sex using any avalible orifice (or is the mouth reserved for weasels only).
crabs and other crustecians probably are reference to STD’s
I wander what does an ostrich represent.
Drag queens?
Hiding your head in the sand, figuratively, and blinding yourself to the need for contraception and sex education to prevent the need for abortions, and pretending teens are going to be pure with enough exhortations?
Eat the Weasel? I prefer “make a grilled cheese sandwich.”
http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/relationships/blog/2009/06/allergic_to_grilled_cheese.html
Groom: “This is the happiest day of my life! To think, from now on, I get my weasel eaten for free!”
Bride: “This is the happiest day of my life! I never have to eat another weasel again!”
;)
Hahahahahahahaha! Well, I’m ever-single, so I guess I don’t have to give it up!
I just kept thinking about Pauly Shore while reading this…it got damn confusing.
Boomslang/Aor- Eureka! I have something to share tied to our previous “species” discussions, reply back so I know you saw this and I will comment, if you care to hear what Father spoke to my heart to share with you guys regarding this. All the best.
Be careful. Reading those books in small print between the old and new testaments will make you go blind!
Isn’t going blind the result of spanking your snake (And weasels eat snakes, ITS A SIGN!!!!).
^ LMAO!
“Boomslang/Aor- Eureka! I have something…”
It’s a trick, get an axe! -Ash
And they didn’t even post on this particular blog.
That’s, like, just shat down out of the blue sky of a sudden, like a dropping from the Lesser North American Non-Sequitorial.