by Vorjack
A scene of depravity from Robert Kunzman’s Write These Laws on Your Children: Inside the World of Conservative Christian Homeschooling:
Shortly thereafter, as I gather up my things to leave, I tell the kids that I’ll be back tomorrow to hang out again. As I head to the front door, four-year-old Jacob starts getting silly, laughing uproarishly and yelling out, “I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you if you come back!” He is giggling and running circles around me. [Jacob's brother] Aaron laughs and reprimands him casually. But Jacob is too wound up; he runs up to me and starts to swing his fists against my legs, a mischievous smile on his face. With a look of chagrin, [Jacob's mother] Lauren gently pulls Jacob away, scolding him in her soft voice. (82-83)
Gaze upon the evil that is homeschooling. Four years old, and already he’s a violent gibbering psychopath.
OK, I’ll stop. Seriously, I’m sure I did stupid things like this when I was a kid, but I never did them in front of a respected scholar doing research on my family’s educational practices. How old do you think Jacob will be before his family lets him live this down? 40? 60?
that’s hilarious
I don’t know that four-year-olds have much respect for scholars.
My sister’s kids do that to me when we visit.
I usually reply in kind.
My little brother used to punch strangers in the gonads.
Well, he only punched a stranger there once … but he used to punch people in our church in the gonads more often. Good thing that phase passed quickly.
I popped someone in the gonads with a pair of handcuffs once. Lulz were had.
Not by the guy who got popped, I bet!
I generally enjoy your post but, I do have to say this, I wish you would clarify when you state “the evil that homeschoolers do” to reflect that it’s conservative Christian homeschoolers you are talking about. I home school my two boys (my husband and I are both Atheist and we are raising our children to be freethinkers). Education IS NOT a joke to us, our days are very structured and the materials we use are free of religious dogma. While this is hard to do with the home schooling climate being very religious, it is possible and there are a growing number of Atheist/Agnostics/Humanist who home school. Not all homeschoolers are crazy fundies running around thinking the Earth is 6,000 years old and some sky daddy molded us from dirt. You are taking those of us who take this very seriously and lumping us in with the crazies. We get enough of that bullshit already and it’s very annoying.
I thought this was kind of a joke at first. How do you equate a child running around saying he is going to kill you with homeschooling? The kids in my neighborhood say violent things. I guess I should blame that on the institutionalized schools that herd children like mindless animals? HMM
Or maybe they are just being kids. I wonder why you think the child should behave in a different way towards you than anyone else. Why do you think you are so special? Maybe he saw you as an equal and thought it would be fun to play. Maybe he saw you as someone that was not a nice person and who looked down on him. My guess from your little post is it was the latter.
Have a wonderful day
I thought this was kind of a joke at first.
I’m not sure I’d call it a joke. More like “poking a very angry bee-hive with a short stick”.
Sadly, the bees seem to be swarming elsewhere. What does a man have to do to get a good commentroversy going?
Have a wonderful day
Thanks. You know, I think we really need some way to indicate pure irony on the internet. Perhaps we can dedicate a font specifically to irony. I nominate Times New Roman.
Perhaps we can dedicate a font specifically to irony. I nominate Times New Roman.
LOL. That would actually be noticeable, since nearly all text on the web is sans serif. On the other hand, there is an actual sarcasm punctuation mark in English, but it is very rarely used. IIRC, it looks like a backward question mark.
What does a man have to do to get a good commentroversy going?
Some Swiftian satire would do.
You could always post about McDonald’s employees. It seemed to work for LRA…
Who knew it would turn into McDonaldsgate? :P
lol I may have seen it as that had I NOT JUST had a conversation that was not much different earlier that day. It was almost like a candid camera moment. (if you are old enough to remember that. lol)
I see your “I turned out okay” and raise you four nephews whose literally entire world is home and church. One responded to being told that his uncle is going to India with “They kill Christians in India.”
Based on the ending question: “How old do you think Jacob will be before his family lets him live this down?” I’ wondering if the assumption is there will be tons of guilt heeped upon this kid as a means of controlling his behavior. Are you saying that all christian homes are dysfunctional breeding ground for psychopaths and implied is that public school is their only hope for becoming civilized? I have known several children who grew up home-schooled. The most common challenge for them is understanding how the rest of the world functions and learning to function within it. They weren’t/aren’t sociopaths. Far from it. They weren’t as ‘practiced’ at some social situations, they had a naiveté about them and were shy. They have a different adjustment process as they get into adulthood.. not bad, just different.
I’m wondering if the assumption is there will be tons of guilt heeped upon this kid as a means of controlling his behavior.
Guilt? Pshaw, guilt is for heavy-handed amateurs. No, this family has had ten kids, so they know what they’re doing by now. I’m thinking they go with ‘embarrassment’ all the way. My guess is that they’ll trot this story our at inopportune moments for at least several decades. “Hey Jacob, remember that time the researcher was here, trying to figure out how well adjusted Christian home-schoolers were, and you threatened to kill him? Yeah, that gave hime somthing to write about!” Yeah, I’m thinking this is going to get brought up the first time he has a girlfriend over, at least.
I have a great uncle who did something stupid with some goldfish when he was six. He’s eighty now, runs an investment company, has three kids of his own, and his sisters STILL tell the story every chance they get. That is the kind of performance I expect out of this family.
Guilt in a christian household? Never gonna happen. These are people who obviously believe god has a plan for them and whatever they choose to do is preordained by the almighty, so no guilt. I would love to meet a few Christians who actually felt guilt for their part in how fucked up the world is, I don’t mean catholic guilt either that can be confessed away. I want to see some real guilt that inspires them to get off their collective asses and do something positive.
In my experience, they are heaped up with guilt. Immobalizing, paralyzing, shaming,stifling guilt. How can there be anything else when you’re taught AND you accept that you are a sinful, sorry worm of a creature whose only hope is to accept Jesus as your saviour and despirately try to cling to him every day. Without that you are lost and will go to hell. What happens? Obsession with religious practices, denial and projection. “Give me that old time religion.” ? No thanks.
I see no relation between this child’s actions and him being homeschooled. Perhaps the story is incomplete?
Because no one in government school ever talks about killing people.
Oh wait…
I think we also need a dedicated for sarcasm … because I tend to be sarcastic in RL, and it simply doesn’t translate to the interwebs.
*dedicated font