There was a game made for the NES called “Spiritual Warfare” which had this cover:
Judging by the picture, you may think it’s about a man in a metal thong who waxes his legs, but that was only to entice the repressed homosexual crowd. It’s actually a “Legend of Zelda clone in which you guide a character known only as Christian through a world, converting unbelievers, fighting demons, and ultimately going up against the Devil himself.”
Here’s what one reviewer said about it:
Spiritual Warefare is not without its brain-mushingly stupid moments, but all in all, it’s not such a bad game. Of course it puts you in a couple of situations where you’d rather go torch a church than try to figure out how to read the map, but by Wisdom Tree’s standards, this is quite an accomplishment. Still, you should never ever play it.
But if you want to skip his advice and play it, you now can play it online in all it’s glory — along with some other equally ridiculous fundie games.
Yeah, I know. There goes your weekend.
I’ve been finding excuses to avoid writing my sociology essay, and now that you’ve presented me with an alternative like that…. I think I’ll write my sociology essay.
Custador: you could kill two birds with one stone (two Goliaths with one David, perhaps?) and write your sociology essay ABOUT this wretched game. I’m sure there’s more than enough sociological material in there! I personally would love it if one of my students chose this as an essay topic–grading papers is usually a beastly affair.
Unfortunately my esay topic is about “Inequalities in Health”. If I didn’t have to write it about Britain I could use it to take a holiday to the US and let it write itself, but I digress… Instead I’m writing about the reverse gradient of incidence of testicular cancer against socio-economic status, whereby the richer you are the more likely you are to get testicular cancer. Of course, I then have to break that down and point out the “ice cream” factor – the richer you are, the more likely you are to be a white male, and white males get more testicular cancer than other ethnicities. Then I have to talk about what social policies exist to address this issue (very few, actually) and compare and contrast with ovarian cancer and discuss why it has triple the incidence of testicular cancer and about a third the five-year survival rate (age standardised, obviously), then use that as a basis for explaining why much more time and money is put into ovarian cancer prevention than testicular cancer prevention. Then I have to put all of this in context and explain the role of a nurse in the whole process (because my undergraduate course is a bachelor’s degree in Adult Nursing). And I have to do this in 3000 words. My brain hurts already.
I actually owned this game back in the day! This brings back some memories of trying to pull all-nighters playing this and some game about Noah and the ark when I was about 10. Then I found Zelda and Final Fantasy and never looked back. Maybe the start of my disbelief was when an all-powerful God could not seem to inspire people to make a video game even close to as fun as one about Italian plumbers…
Here is a treat, it’s the Angry Video Game Nerd making fun of the Noah’s Ark game you were talking about, as well as a few other shitty Bible games.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkNvQYiM6bw
There’s a belt of truth, breastplate of righteousness, sandals of peace, shield of faith, helmet of salvation, and the sword of the spirit, but noone ever said anything about a nice pair of pants.
He does seem to have picked up a pair of gloves and groin shielding from places unknown though. Probably one of those darned liberal churches.
Those are gloves of cleanliness and a codpiece of generosity.
Darn I was thinking “gauntlets” but typed “gloves”.
FORePLAY ON NINTENDO?
Is something wrong with me. When i had my first quick glance at the warrior, I thought wow that is one ugly female warrior. What is it with the breast plates looking like a bra?
yupp i thought it was an ugly chick too… and since im procrastinating my homework i played the game, im level 2 now
a metal thong
The word you are searching for is codpiece.
or chastity belt…
Ugh! The background music to the game includes such gospel favorites as “What a Friend We Have in Jesus”. It’s no Zelda theme song.
I also had this game back in the day. Hooray for fruit lobbing.
Not for nothing, but that game was completely awesome. Didn’t give a shit about the biblical stuff going on – it had most if not all of the fun of the original Zelda game, but with more weapons.
As far as biblical games went, Wisdom Tree were doin it rite.
Well, really, only for Spiritual Warfare. Their 4-in-1 games (“Exodus”, for example) were kinda terrible.
Ah, I remember this game growing up. I had always hoped to buy it, instead I bought ‘Bible Adventures’ where you get to try to smuggle baby Moses out of Egypt and chuck him at Egyptians as a weapon… Being careful not to toss him in the river! :-D
This is the reason I stopped believing in God! I knew after playing it that no God could exist and let this kind of game be made in his name.
Seriously though, I’ve actually seen a copy of this. While in high school I worked at a local video game store than dealt with new and used games from every system imaginable. I made sure to keep this at the bottom of the stack so no customer would want to try it out in front of me.
You know, I’ve gotta hand it to Wisdom tree. It would be so awesome if other companies just went ahead and put their old NES games up on the web free for everyone to play. Say what you will about the Biblical stuff – I wish every video game maker would follow suit on that idea.
Benjamin Bentley wrote:
You know, I’ve gotta hand it to Wisdom tree. It would be so awesome if other companies just went ahead and put their old NES games up on the web free for everyone to play. Say what you will about the Biblical stuff – I wish every video game maker would follow suit on that idea.
Most don’t do it because their games still have resale value. They keep packaging them in PS3 and 360 compilations, or you can play them on XBox Live or Gametap or whatever and people keep paying for them. Wisdom Tree makes their games available because who would pay a penny for those?
Anyway, you can play basically any game you want for free legally with an emulator, if you delete it immediately afterward *cough cough*.
Actually, hundreds of old nintendo games are ‘abandonware’ a this point.
Lots of old computer games too.
I actually owned a copy of this game. It was tough. I never beat it, but one of my buddies did (while we were in college, we had several weekends of nostalgia gaming).
It was a very poor game.
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This is probably the best Wisdom Tree game, but the funniest is Super 3D Noah’s Ark. I actually own a copy. It’s basically an exact replica of Wolfenstein 3D except with animals and slingshots instead of Nazis and guns, complete with original swastika level designs.