Great news from the Onion!
Frustrated by continued demands from viewers for more awesome and extreme programming, Science Channel president Clark Bunting told reporters Tuesday that his cable network was “completely incapable” of watering down science any further than it already had.
“Look, we’ve tried, we really have, but it’s simply not possible to set the bar any lower,” said a visibly exhausted Bunting, adding that he “could not in good conscience” make science any more mindless or insultingly juvenile. “We already have a show called Really Big Things, which is just ridiculous if you think about it, and one called Heavy Metal Taskforce, which I guess deals with science on some distant level, though I don’t know what it is. Plus, there’s Punkin Chunkin.”
“Punkin Chunkin, for Christ’s sake,” added Bunting, referring to the popular program in which contestants launch oversized pumpkins into the air using catapults. “What more do you people want?” [...]
Debbie Myers, general manager of the Science Channel, said the cable station has maintained a balance of 5 percent science content and 95 percent mind-numbing drivel over the past few years, and that this was as far as they were willing to go. [...]
While they won’t be dumbing down their already crude lineup of shows, Science Channel officials assured viewers that the network will continue to cater to the lowest common denominator and will keep airing embarrassingly base content completely stripped of all intellectual integrity. Officials also noted that the cable channel greatly values the 18- to 45-year-old demographic of louts, clods, and empty-headed dumb fucks.
“I don’t like it when the science people talk about things no one can even understand,” said Rich Parker, an Ohio resident. “It’s like, just quit your yapping and dip the chain saw into the liquid nitrogen already.”
Who watches the science channel anyway? Maybe if they had real science on there people who really care about science would tune in. Personally, I prefer to watch DIY.
Mythbusters is an exception.
Its sad that a channel devoted to science is being “dumbed down” to mindless topics like shooting pumpkins and “really big things”. I love to watch shows on the channel about black holes, space, stars, and physics. The only problem is that these shows end up being on at 1 in the morning and are usually brief compared to the programs about ridiculous ideas. I take thehistory channel as what happen to the science channel eventually, hunting monsters and finding ghosts.
While there is an element of truth to this article, it isn’t quite so bad. Discovery, for example, has shows that have shows with very interesting science alongside the ridiculous Ghostbuster-esque nonsense. I do find it annoying when science channels get filled with pseudoscience (oh the irony), but at least it doesn’t seem to be to the exclusion of good material.
The same could be said of the History channel, actually. There are some good shows on that channel.
Is that before or after a show about the Antichrist?
Haha, or what about all the shows spawned from The Da Vinci Code?
There’s a few good shows on the Science Channel that I can enjoy intellectually from time to time, but…seriously…Punkin Chunkin? Fuck’s sake, there are more interesting things happening in SCIENCE than chucking fruits from trebuchets.
New to The Onion eh? =)
It seems to be for real – http://science.discovery.com/tv/punkin-chunkin/
New to how far off we’re gone eh? ;)
Wait, there’s a show that revolves around catapaulting pumpkins?
That is all kinds of awesome. I imagine I wouldn’t need to watch more than about four episodes in my entire lifetime, but those four episodes would be so worth the bandwidth. To youtube!
A usual, the Onion is in Sad-But-True territory. I can remember back when TLC was still The Learning Channel and showed things like James Burke’s “Connections” instead of “Miami Ink”. WTF does a reality soap opera like Miami Ink have to do with learning?
Love the Burke.
Miami Ink shows young teenagers how to fuck up their lives so as to piss off their parents to the maximum.
For the best science shows I tune in to public television, or borrow from the public library. I don’t expect intellectual stimulation from commercial television. It also annoys me that supposedly science-is-cool shows like Bones, CSI, Numb3rs are so wrong in their science.
Please keep the Braniacs! I really love them!
“I don’t like it when the science people talk about things no one can even understand,”
I love this. It sounds like my family’s reaction to almost everything I say.
Me (in highschool): Holly! Do you know how clouds are made?
Sister (Holly): No, go away.
My first reaction to the headline: Sounds like an Onion headline.
Solution to stupid ‘science’ shows on television: stop watching television. After 8 years without TV I have stayed very discerning. Netflix carries some great stuff. Books are even better.
In related news: RIP Howard Zinn.
Books? Blasphemer!!
Where’s my Holy Clicker? You’ll be sorry when I find it.
I like the science channel ecuase it’s in HD on directv and they do have some decent shows on between all the crap….plus after a few beers i watch it like an average intelligence American lol oh and did they have to slam Ohio residents, west virgina is worse than we are haha
This is why people deep fry turkeys. Sure, it’s dumb as hell, but isn’t that the fun?
This *facepalm* is for you, humanity