Inappropriate Christian Book Titles

August 21, 2011 By vorjack 37 Comments

Eh, could have been better …

Ummmm …. bad idea ….

… what the hell were you thinking?

Filed Under: Books, Christianity 37 Comments

Comments

  1. Francesco says:
    August 21, 2011 at 10:02 am

    I often suspect that many Christians are trolls.

    Reply
  2. Noelle says:
    August 21, 2011 at 10:54 am

    2 out of 3 Betty’s think those are good titles

    Reply
    • UrsaMinor says:
      August 21, 2011 at 12:13 pm

      Ah, but can we find 30 Helens who agree?

      Reply
      • Michael says:
        August 21, 2011 at 1:00 pm

        Isn’t the Helen a unit of energy?

        Reply
        • UrsaMinor says:
          August 21, 2011 at 3:06 pm

          More like a unit of cosmetology. The Helen is defined as the amount of beauty required to launch 1000 ships.

          I was actually referring to the recurring Kids In The Hall sketch. :)

          Reply
          • Michael says:
            August 21, 2011 at 3:39 pm

            I learned it as the amount of energy required to launch 1000 ships. I guess it depends where you read these things.

            Reply
            • Jerdog says:
              August 21, 2011 at 5:48 pm

              So a microhelen is the energy in 1 bottle of champagne?

            • Michael says:
              August 22, 2011 at 12:04 am

              Uh, does it take one thousand bottles of champagne to launch a ship?

              I’m not sure I understand you.

            • Paul says:
              August 22, 2011 at 12:25 am

              Starting with the launch of the Maine, christening of ships has often involved, in the United States, with the breaking of a champagne bottle on the bow of the ship.

              So one bottle can metaphorically launch a ship, therefore it must contain a microhelen.

            • UrsaMinor says:
              August 22, 2011 at 4:52 am

              Millhelen. A microhelen will only launch 1/1000 of a ship.

            • Rev PJ says:
              August 22, 2011 at 11:12 am

              The energy in one bottle of Champagne is a millihelen.

            • Hamish Milne says:
              August 22, 2011 at 12:06 pm

              And since alcohol makes people look sexier, it makes sense that 1000 bottles of champagne could make someone look as beautiful as the original Helen, and also alter one’s perceptions enough that they would at least attempt to launch 1000 ships.

            • Jerdog says:
              August 22, 2011 at 9:34 pm

              SI prefix fail. It served to make a bad joke worse.

            • Michael says:
              August 23, 2011 at 12:29 am

              I daresay your comment had nearly two microlenats of bogosity.

      • Noelle says:
        August 21, 2011 at 3:35 pm

        I love KITH!

        I like the one with one lone dissenting Helen, so that 30 Helens agree to disagree.

        Reply
  3. vasaroti says:
    August 21, 2011 at 10:54 am

    Every time I attend a library book sale, I see books like this. It seems to be so easy to publish a Christian book, I’ve considered writing a pot-boiler myself. Once I picked up one on how to win souls for Jesus, and one of the “convincing arguments” gave incorrect information about the solar system. Can anyone suggest some titles to get me started?

    Reply
  4. 1minion says:
    August 21, 2011 at 11:34 am

    Those are pretty laughable. You’d think someone would have noticed and made a comment prior to submitting the manuscript. Or, publishers love a joke like anyone else…

    Reply
  5. messiestobjects says:
    August 21, 2011 at 11:36 am

    I think that thoughts of Jesus touching others leads to the bouncing of the christian balls, which then of course segues right into the oozing for the lord.

    Reply
  6. Bud says:
    August 21, 2011 at 2:47 pm

    This entry wins. It just… wins.

    Reply
  7. dave says:
    August 21, 2011 at 5:53 pm

    THREE pictures? I wasted my time clicking on this link for THREE pictures? Fail.

    Reply
  8. Yoav says:
    August 22, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    A highly inappropriate joke I heard over the weekend at my local atheist meetup.
    3 priests are sailing across a lake with a group of choir boys, suddenly the boat start sinking. The first priest screams, we have to get off before it goes down, the second priest say, no we have to get the children off first.
    Priest 1: fcuk the children.
    Priest 3: You sure we got time for that.

    Reply
  9. Sayingwhatneedsaying says:
    August 22, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    These seem like three of the basic books all priests study while in Seminary…….. While on their knees getting it from ‘above’.

    Reply
  10. Schaden Freud says:
    August 22, 2011 at 8:34 pm

    Looks to me like strong evidence that the publishers are taking the piss. I would.

    Reply
  11. Grant says:
    August 24, 2011 at 8:31 am

    And when you have such great Christian Books, you need an equally great book store:

    “Cum Books” – Christian Family Bookstore – http://www.cum.co.za/

    Reply
  12. sarsbar says:
    August 25, 2011 at 9:21 am

    @francesco – ugh… no, they are all sadly in earnest. Sometimes it’s nice to think that they’re trolls though!

    Reply

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  1. Weekly Ketchup | Not Your Church Cookbook says:
    August 27, 2011 at 9:34 am

    [...] Inappropriate Christian Book Titles on Unreasonable Faith [...]

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