Halloween is Coming

October 9, 2011 By 24 Comments

… and nothing – nothing – makes fundamentalists get stupider than Halloween. Most seemed to have given up on stopping the celebration. But now everything needs to be renamed lest it lead to satanism.

Jesus Seeds? Can you plant them and grow more Jesus?

And of course, we have to rename the entire holiday. Are you ready for … JesusWeen?

Halloween, like many festivals, is all about flipping the normal roles: children become the boss, able to demand candy or punish those who refuse. People can dress up in different costumes and leave their normal social roles behind. So of course, certain Christian groups want to celebrate it by doing … exactly what they do the rest of the years: evangelize.

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(via Jesus Needs New PR and Christian Nightmares)

Filed Under: Christianity 24 Comments
  • JohnMWhite

    Pretty sure the price they paid for the website and the bus advertisement could have bought some soup for the homeless and resulted in some genuine Christian gift-giving. Once more, flexing muscles and demonstrating one’s faith as loudly and obnoxiously as possible in the public sphere seems more important than any actual work of charity or compassion.

    And Jesusween? It’s already called All Hallow’s Eve, for goodness sake! As in the eve of all that is holy. They’re rebelling against their own friggin’ festival name.

    • Noelle

      I’ve seen some groups, religious and non, do trick or treating for canned goods for food banks.

      • http://blog.matthewmiller.net Matthew

        “trick or treating for canned goods for food banks.”

        Ahh, but that’s actual WORK and SACRIFICE, where putting up a BS website about JesusWeen lets them get all smug and self-righteous without doing any REAL work to help people.

        If you don’t like what the media is doing, then do what Fred Rogers did. Do it better with the genuine love of Christ in your heart. Lame re-branding is about as useful as passing out Jack Chick tracts.

    • trj

      It’s already called All Hallow’s Eve, for goodness sake! As in the eve of all that is holy.

      Not quite. It was originally the saints that were to be hallowed (Halloween is the night before All Saints’ Day, and it’s called All Saints’ Eve in some countries). Saints being a Catholic concept, the very word “Halloween” is of course of the devil to any self-respecting fundie – well, to those of them who are aware of the name’s origin, although most of them are probably more concerned about evil spirits attracted by the blatant pagan revelry.

      • UrsaMinor

        It’s not Christian in origin. The saints are a much later addition, after cannibalization of the old Celtic holy day by the Roman Catholic Church.

        • trj

          Yep, it’s another of the old pagan days of celebration which have been usurped and retooled by Christianity. My point was merely that the name All Hallows’ Day or All Saints’ Day was coined by the RC Church.

          • JohnMWhite

            I was aware of this, mostly, I am afraid I just did not express it properly. Hallowe’en is of course the eve (day before) All Saint’s day, a day that (according to my Catholic schooling, which was never the most consistent at getting this stuff right since they told us AD stood for After Death) was referred to as the day of all that were holy (the saints). There’s also all soul’s day on November 2nd, for the less than holy plebs who have died. While it obviously has pagan origins as a festival, the name of Halloween is now saddled with Christian meaning, which is what I was really referring to. Changing it to something more Christian just seems completely pointless. Or so I thought, but as you point out, many fundies aren’t going to be thrilled with a Catholic idea to begin with.

            • Kat

              I’m just upset they got the portmanteau all wrong. The “w” from “Halloween” belongs to Hallow, not “e’en” (which is “even”, like, ya’ know, “evening”). JesusWeen is wrong! It should be Jesuseen!

  • http://ohmatron.wordpress.com/ Custador

    I actually did a double-facepalm.

  • Francesco

    Implying I can chase them with my Mindflayer cosplay yelling “I just wanna taste your brains” if they come to my house?

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  • TrickQuestion

    I have the strange urge to write a promotional song for this new holiday bastardization, setting “jesus ween” to michael jackson’s “billy jean”

  • Gordon

    Halloween – a holiday with christian and pagan roots – largely secularised -
    Christmas – a holiday with christian and pagan roots – largely secularised -

    Strange that they treat them so differently!

  • Steve

    Based on what Ronald Hutton writes in “Stations of the Sun,” the roots of Christmas are more pagan than those of Halloween – the latter is the Eve of all Saints after all. As a group, Christians are unbelievably ignorant.

  • vasaroti

    I’m sure the suffix they’re looking for is “een,” as in the archaic word for “eve.”
    Wow, they’re just looking to become the butt of jokes with “ween.”
    Now let’s see how many people confuse ween with wean.

    I was told that All Hallows is actually the oldest Xian holiday, next to the feast of the resurrection (easter.)

  • Anne

    I just think these ‘Christians’ hate the idea that anybody is having fun, especially that involves giving stuff away.

  • http://jingreed.typepad.com Jing-Reed

    If there is a sure fire way of becoming even more obnoxious than they already are, I am sure the Christians will attempt to use it. They seem to be intent on pissing off the entire world with their ignorance and pushiness.

    I am very pleased with myself that I relocated to a country were they are almost unknown.

  • Transformed

    Call me an optimist… But its my opinion that, soon, fundamentalism (as we know it) will be a thing of the past. I can’t yet say that the eradication of fanatical behavior is possible in the same time frame I may be implying, but, at least “religious” fundamentalism as I can see it. It will either be laughable or equivalent to mental instability.

  • Len

    “Hey, what’re you doing tonight?”

    “JesusWii’n – wanna join in?”

  • CardinalSmurf

    I like how they think the idea of Jesus “harvesting souls” is less creepy than anything Halloween has ever been used to express before.

    • Len

      Sounds like an episode of Criminal Minds.

  • busterggi

    If the Christians hadn’t stolen all the good pagan holidays they’d have no days to party at all.

  • Ebon Badger

    Jesusween. This probably says way more about me than I’d like, but the second I saw that word I imagined a Jesus themed porn film involving “watersports”. I’m trying really damn hard not to laugh…

    • Len

      That’s a wiz of an idea.