Empty Thrones

June 3, 2012 By 42 Comments

Our neighbor Fred Clark is is having a distinctly American reaction to the sight of the Bishop’s Throne in St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York City:

This particular throne, in a photo by the New York Post’s Robert Miller, is being redecorated for Archbishop Timothy Dolan.

Set aside all the arguments about church polity and all the dubious theological implications of a “Christian” throne, of a throne decorated with its opposite symbol, the cross. This post isn’t about ecclesiology or Constantinian blasphemies. This post is about democracy.

There should be no such thing as an American throne. Yet here is a picture of one. An actual throne. In America.

I hope Clark will forgive me, but this begs to be paired with one of John Roger’s memories from Kung Fu Monkey. He tells to story of the night a Saudi Prince visited the resturant where he was bartending:

Giannino’s owner was a young guy named Paul. Paul was a tough, wiry bastard from Holland who’d come to New York, flat broke at 16, to learn the restaurant business. He spoke with a weird, hybrid Dutch/Brooklyn accent. The sort of New York accent an actor puts on when doing a cab driver from the 30′s. But on Paul it fit. He was also, as are many immigrants, fiercely patriotic when it came to the US. Zeal of the converted, etc.

[...]

Paul pulled out all the stops. Our chef was amazing to begin with, and they put on a hell of a banquet for the event. Paul called in our best waitress, Kate, to do the dinner. If you’ve ever worked in the restaurant/bar business, you know that the staff is a roiling blend of high school drama class emotions and Desperate Housewives style intrigue. If you’ve worked the business, you also know that there is always that one person everyone actually likes. Sweet, sincere, working their way through college … that was Kate on our staff. Even the heroin-addicted commie waitress liked her.

Near the end of the meal, I heard a buzz from the wait-station. Kate was in a corner, pretending not to be freaking out. Paul came out from the kitchen. The Prince had been playing grab-ass with Kate all night. The other servers had seen it. She’d tried not to make a big deal of it, but when it became plain that she wasn’t into Captain Handsy, our visiting dignitary had launched into a particularly nasty set of comments.

A bunch of us followed Paul out as he crossed onto the patio. He nodded to the Saudi. “Yeah. I gotta ask you to leave.”

Objections arose. Paul shook his head. “She works for me. I don’t allow that for any guest. Now I gotta ask you a second time, please leave. Meal’s on the house.”

The Saudi’s lackey starts to yell: “You can’t talk to him like this! This man is Prince –”

Paul cuts him off with a whistle, a New York cab whistle. Sets his shoulders and says:

“This is America, which makes you the Prince of absolutely fucking nobody.”

The single most patriotic moment of my life.

Cardinals are still sometimes called the Princes of the Church, so let’s allow little Timmy Dolan play his game of thrones. But when the time comes, we’ll be there to remind him. This is America, which makes him the prince of absolutely fucking nobody.

Filed Under: Catholicism, Uncategorized 42 Comments
  • FO

    I do not understand.
    You don’t need to be in the US to shove off the door a rich and powerful foreigner asshole…

    If it was any powerful local instead, the Dutch guy may have been a bit more hesitant because actual retaliation was possible.
    Still, good of the guy.

    • Elemenope

      I think it’s more about Americans’ well-earned allergy to anything having to do with royalty or monarchy than it is about wealth and power (with which we have a more complicated social relationship). Except the monarchy of the UK, ironically. We’re fascinated by them. From a discreet distance, anyway.

      • FO

        Fair.

      • Revyloution

        My thoughts exactly. FO, I’d remind you of our own min-celebrity Joe the Plumber. When Joe encountered Presidential candidate Obama, he gave no deference and only a modicum of respect. Following his meeting, and the subsequent media attention, his deference and respect dropped to open contempt.

        This kind of behavior simply isn’t accepted in nations that have princes. In 1940′s England, one might be expected to tip the hat and say ‘G’vnor’ to a passing gentleman, but I would probably spit on the shoes of Donald Trump or the Koch brothers, were we to cross paths. Our attitude is definitely spreading across the world, but it hasn’t permeated far. Yet.

        • Jabster

          “In 1940′s England, one might be expected to tip the hat and say ‘G’vnor’ to a passing gentleman, …”

          … and we also had pea-soupers and cackling old women.

        • JK

          What can I say. You should treat people with respect even if you don’t like them. Spitting on someones shoes is offensive. If you don’t like them, just ignore them. That is less disrespectful at least.

          • Custador

            I disagree completely. Why should I treat a contemptable person with respect rather than contempt?

            • Elemenope

              Because your judgment may be premised on faulty premises.

            • Custador

              It’s possible. But on the other hand, possibly not. If I know with a high degree of certainty that, for example, a person is a child-rapist who’s escaped punishment, then why should I treat them with anything other than contempt?

    • JK

      The US have their Royals too – they just don’t call themselves that. See the Kennedy- or Bush-clans for example. You have money in the US, you are treated differently.
      I wonder if the ex-Dutch owner of that restaurant would have thrown GW Bush, Frank Sinatra or another ‘celebrity’ out.

      • UrsaMinor

        Nah. The Kennedy and Bush clans are mascots, at best.

  • trj

    Since the bishop has no legal authority I don’t see it as an issue of democracy, except for what it says about the Church’s idea of its own authority.

    Anybody is free to sit on a throne. Some poeple might be impressed, others just think it makes you look like a pompous ass.

    • http://www.treehenge.org Themon the Bard

      Loved the piece. Good story.

      BTW, I sit on a throne once a day (sometimes twice, if work is frustrating and the reading material is good).

  • Dave

    You gotta remember the seperation of church and the state in the USA. The Catholics can have their “princes” and the Saudis can have their royalty, however Prince Assgrab is not right anywhere. That’s not religion, that’s slavery and it is wrong everywhere and anywhere. I don’t care about the symbolic throne. Symbols get the importance I and each individual give them, and I don’t expect this throne will get much attention from the powers that be in the USA.

  • vasaroti

    It’s a fancy chair, and a fine piece of craftsmanship. I hope it is available for photos for birthdays and weddings. Only in Dolan’s mind is it a “throne,” so let’s not validate his fantasy.

    I haven’t really been following “Vatileaks,” but apparently a Vatican employee named Gabriele is being tried in secret. Can this man really be physically restrained, fined, or otherwise punished by the Vatican? What if he just decided to walk out, would the Swiss Guard run him through with a halberd? I read about the Lateran Treaty that says Italy will punish “criminals” convicted by the Vatican court, and IMHO, it’s a crock of shit. No country should accept the results of any secret trial as binding on them in any way.

    • http://themikewrites.blogspot.com JohnMWhite

      Gabriele is a Vatican citizen, according to some reports, so I suppose unless the UN gives up calling them a country on the back of Mussolini’s say so, they have significant rights to detain and try him on their terms. Presumably as a result of the Lateran treaty he would be handed right back to the Vatican if he were caught fleeing into Italy, but if he managed to make it further, things might become interesting. What concerns me most, though, is that the Pope has been banging on about how disgraceful it is that somebody has been leaking documents that reveal corruption at the heart of the church. Once more, it’s not so much the corruption or criminality that bothers him as it is the revelation of it. He’s a despicable human being and he’s not even a good politician. He did not learn a thing from the PR disaster that was his handling of the ongoing paedophilia crisis.

      • FO

        Yup.
        They are scared by truth.

        And yes, the Vatican is largely independent and whatever happens there is of no concern for the italian government.
        Money laundering, destruction of evidence for crimes against italian minors…
        It is shameful.
        I wish some Italian politician had the balls to question the Lateran Treaties.

        • UrsaMinor

          Isn’t that like the third rail of Italian politics? Touch it, and you get electrocuted.

    • Hitchslapper

      Well, I sit on my ‘Throne” every morning, and I either read a magazine or play a game of Tetris….. while taking a healthy DUMP!!! Of course Dolan doesn’t have to worry about that…. he’s all shit!

  • Yoav

    The real question is why does Dolan have a fancy chair (however it’s called) and not a prison cell like any of us would have if we were responsible for paying off child rapists to make them go away quietly , instead of calling the police.

    • UrsaMinor

      Maybe it’s because he has a fancy chair.

      • Elemenope

        It’s the only explanation that makes sense.

  • Vander Goten

    In the USA there is (or should be) a separation between state and church, so while a throne has no place in a republic, if religion wants to use it as a symbol of Christ’s regality, it seems to me that this is a private matters which concerns religion and into which the state must not interfere

    • Elemenope

      Of course. But that certainly doesn’t stop us from mocking them for the ostentation.

      • Hitchslapper

        How many poor people could they feed, with the money they’re wasting embellishing Cardinal Dolan’s ”Chamber Pot”?

    • Sunny Day

      Who said anything about the state interfering?

    • UrsaMinor

      I’m not about to tell the Catholic Church that it can’t build thrones for its archbishops; that’s totally their call. But if they do, I’m going to point and laugh at the oh-so-subtle whiff of medieval patriarchy.

  • Kodie

    CEOs and the like tend to sit in really good chairs and powerate.

    • Elemenope

      That was called out in a TV show I was recently watching, Lost Girl. It was a meet-the-new-boss-same-as-the-old-boss situation of a given Ancient Conspiracy, and the old guy had a throne on a dais. The new guy decided to replace it with a CEO desk-and-chair (but kept the dais), to “keep up with the times”.

      • Kodie

        I don’t see anything wrong with a chair that’s symbolic of power. I think we don’t pay enough attention to chairs, much as we are all sitting down a lot. Take the game “musical chairs”. Everyone wants to sit down. It’s like a house for your butt. Houses get a lot more attention, but chairs are likely to reflect the house or other building, and how the person who gets to sit in it feels about him or herself. I don’t see anything out of place for a person who has high standing in some hierarchy to sit in a fuckin’ fancy-ass chair. He probably feels like he deserves it, and everyone who is beneath him shows respect for him and his chair by not sitting there. Because it’s his. I don’t feel that I’m beneath him. His chair has no powers for him outside his hierarchy. Also noted that I pretty much think of a toilet whenever I hear the word ‘throne’.

        • Elemenope

          I agree that there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with a “power chair”. But it does come loaded with the history of the symbol it represents, and like most symbols it can’t just preferentially shed the bad stuff and hold on to the good stuff amongst its implications. When a a Cardinal sits in a throne, yeah it’s an easy way for people to tell that he’s the guy in charge, but it also calls back to some extremely unpleasant history regarding monarchs and their treatment of people they thought beneath them.

          It’s only intensified by the fact that the church has had a bad habit of itself reinforcing that interpretation of the symbol by attempting to be unanswerable to anyone but themselves.

          • Kodie

            I had no idea it was so serious. To me, it’s just like they are putting on a play, and they have to get the scenery right. Also, branding. Churches like everything to look like it’s been there for thousands of years, and the grandiosity appeals to a lot of people. I overheard a woman on the bus a few years ago telling someone about her new church, I think it was Unitarian (although I might have not heard right), and she liked it ok, but she really missed all the crap ritual and atmosphere of her Catholic Church. Yes, sure, they put on a pretty fabulous show. If they didn’t do all that pretending to be royalty, sure, people would probably have a hard time regarding them as well as they do. Ancient ritual robes and funny hats and bling and incense, beads, statuary, stained glass, awfully fancy chairs, and Latin, keepin’ it mysterious and reverent. You really feel like you’re somewhere else when you go to Catholic Church, trained humility for the reception of one of the biggest cons going, and don’t even question the criminal activities.

    • UrsaMinor

      Powerate. That’s my favorite new word for the day.

      I presume one can call the act “poweration”? And the people who practice it “powerators”, or, collectively, “the poweracy”?

      • Kodie

        Presume away. What happens when one is at a loss for words is that one is inclined to just make one up. Without going for help from a thesaurus, I was considering about 3 words that just weren’t right. Blame my average executive functioning for that.

        • Elemenope

          I had a roommate who took to the habit of calling the entire process of finding, preparing, and eating food (or any subdivision of the process thereof) “fooding”. A good, all-purpose verb, I thought, and it sounds really funny if you put extra emphasis on the “oo” sound.

          • Theory_of_I

            That would be the hunger to “oo” ratio, no?

  • EldoonFeeb

    The obnoxious prince story I heard involved a flamboyant gay flight attendant who said something like, “You might be a prince, but I’m a queen, Sugar, so…”

    As far as thrones go, to me they just say someone has a big head and a small penis.

    • TrickQuestion

      Only the altar boys know for sure…

  • John B Hodges

    Regarding fame, In Matthew 6 for example Jesus says “beware of practicing
    your piety before men in order to be seen by them, for then you will
    have no reward from your father who is in Heaven.” He says to give alms
    in secret, pray in secret, fast in secret. If you let yourself be seen,
    so that men praise you for your piety, you have an earthly reward and
    will not get a heavenly one. He condemns the scribes and Pharisees for
    seeking honor among men, for making their piety a means of gaining
    earthly status. He says: “Truly, I say to you, they have received their
    reward.”

    Regarding power, he says not to seek it, but instead seek to be of
    service. In Matthew 20 and Mark 10:
    42 And Jesus called them to him and said to them, “You know that those
    who are supposed to rule over the Gentiles lord it over them, and their
    great men exercise authority over them. 43 But it shall not be so among
    you; but whoever would be great among you must be your servant, 44 and
    whoever would be first among you must be slave of all.
    In Matthew 18,
    3 and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like
    children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Whoever humbles
    himself like this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
    In Matthew 23,
    10 Neither be called masters, for you have one master, the Christ. 11 He
    who is greatest among you shall be your servant; 12 whoever exalts
    himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.

  • John B Hodges

    The above is from an essay about the ethical teachings of Jesus, which I wrote some years ago. The point is that modern Christianity (actually, almost all Christianity since Paul) does not remotely resemble what Jesus taught. See http://www.atheistnexus.org/profiles/blogs/the-ethics-of-jesus

  • Brian K

    Depends on your source of what this “Jesus” “taught, Mr. Hodges. That is in some dispute. SOme argue that many of the nicer, more “liberal” teachings were added after the fact to soften the downright petulance of the supposed doings of Jesus as outlined in the original texts.

  • Hitchslapper

    Don’t forget the hole in the seat….. so he can add to the pool of shit surrounding ‘Himself’………. Yes, the Roman Catholic church is a Cesspool of ill-gotten cash & depravity….! Time to empty a large deposit of Lime on all that SHIT………………. and then bury it.