Benny Hinn, The Anointed One

by Lorette C. Luzajic
Part 20 of the Pillars of Faith series

Body Count

Benny HinnThe Bible says not to “touch God’s anointed,” and that’s how faith healer con artist Benny Hinn gets away with murder. Kings and prime ministers welcome him as royalty, giving him the poorest countries so he can take whatever Indian farmers or Kenyan coffee growers have left. The Pentecostal prosperity pastor is filthy rich, now raking in around 100 million a year.

He has zero issue asking for what he wants: in one case, for a $36 million dollar jet. People drop dead at his Miracle Crusades, but with that kind of income, his audience pays his settlements. Skeptic Magazine (Vol 14, #4, 2009) reported that Ella Peppard fell down at a revival, and was denied medical intervention by Hinn, who declared God would heal her. She died.

Hinn settled out of court with millions paid for by the hopeless and the gullible desperate for God to bless them if they give. Hinn has a trail of people who have died or been injured at his crusades the globe over. Skeptic also noted that in 2004, three patients left their hospital beds in hopes of a miracle at a rally, and all died during the revival. Hinn didn’t even bother trying to heal them. At that same event, ten fell out of trees where they were hoping for a better view of God’s anointed. All were badly hurt with broken bones. Hinn did nothing except ask for their money. Then there were the cancer victims who gave up treatment to trust in the Lord, and they also died.

Death Threats

Despite Hinn promising doctor’s notes and other proofs, investigators have not found one who has truly been healed. But Hinn threatens critics like myself with death. “I curse that man who dares to speak a word against this ministry… ” he said to thousands. He also said, “I speak this under the anointing of the Spirit
 Don’t touch God’s servants; it’s deadly… You’re going to pay.” He has threatened to harm the children of his critics, all under the “anointing” of course.

No one really knows much about Toufik Benedictus Hinn, born in Jaffa (now Israel). He was part Greek and part Armenian, and moved to Toronto in his youth. He was born-again in 1972. The Lord healed him of a childhood stutter, and he decided to be a miracle maker. “Everything I say happens,” Hinn has also said. In October, Daniel reported on Hinn’s failed prophecies — that God told him the homos would burn, Castro’s death, and other things that did not come to pass. Who was lying — Benny or God?

DOA

Some things are just plain weird. Hinn has said if we placed the hands of the corpses of our beloved on the TV screen during his crusades, there would be a mass resurrection. He says God literally enters him to perform healings and prophecies, and says he doesn’t remember the things he says or does when he is “drunk” on the holy spirit. He also speaks to the dead. Weirder still, two in his inner circle died from heroin overdoses. On the night of one OD, Hinn was shown on video passing a pipe of something intoxicating to his brother in Christ.

Then there was another brother in the Lord caught having gay sex with the chauffeur, and also the case of PI Mario Licciardello. The former cop was hired to help Hinn root out corruption. Mario saw so much of it that he threatened full disclosure. He died suddenly of a mysterious heart attack before his story got to court. Hinn allegedly settled with Mario’s widow — but why? And then, there was the worthy orphanage cause that never materialized, for which Hinn bilked the masses. Without flinching, Hinn said God told him not to build it after all.

Psycho

I’m no shrink but Hinn is mentally unhinged. But it would be unfair to equate him with other sufferers of schizophrenia, because Hinn is also a psychopath. He has learned to mimic human emotions, which he does not have, to further his own power and profit. He fancies himself Hitler in sheep’s clothing.

His biggest rush is not the jet or the hotels, but the millions of minions bowing their heads to the lord their god Pastor Benny. We still live in terror of questioning even obvious abuses of the gentle words of Jesus, for fear of eternal hell. Only in this environment could a deceiver like Hinn thrive. The more things change, the more things stay the same.

Lorette C. Luzajic writes about all kinds of interesting people at Fascinating People.

Tony Alamo Gets Locked Up Forever

by Lorette C. Luzajic
Part 19 of the Pillars of Faith series

Blame it on “The Man”

Tony AlamoTony Alamo, 74, is convinced that a demon possessed FBI and the pope are behind the plot to put him in prison, but this defense didn’t exactly impress the judge who sentenced him to nearly two centuries of hard time.

Despite vivid descriptions of nonstop pederasty, mind control, dehumanizing, threats, deprivation, and violence inside the cult of Tony Alamo Christian Ministries, Tony claims his victims were paid off by the FBI or the Roman “whore of Babylon.” After wrestling with the law for 4 decades, he was put away last week for marrying a bevy of 8 year old girls.

The cult leader claims to be the “strongest fundamentalist Christian” in the world, and points out that all of the prophets were polygamous with young wives. God told him to marry them. But at the same time he denies it all and says evil, corrupt cops made it all up.

Who is this Tony Alamo? He has churches all over the world, with followers (“Alamos”) worshipping him as a “holy man of God” and prophet. A closer look at this chosen one reveals one of the weirdest and most terrifying cult leaders of all time.

Hearing the Voice of God

Pullquote: Using beatings, brainwashing, starvation, deprivation, sex, and other hallmarks of cult tactics, Tony managed to maintain a hive of worker bees, and a constant supply of children with whom God told him to sleep.

A Jew of Romanian ancestry, he was born Bernie Hoffman. But Italian crooners were all the rage, so he chose the name Tony Alamo with hopes of making it in singing. One day, while meeting with some music biz execs, he had what some would call a psychotic break. “Suddenly my ears went completely deaf. I could not hear any noise from the crowd in the room
 I heard a voice
 all around me
The voice said, “I AM THE LORD THY GOD. TELL THE PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM THAT JESUS CHRIST IS COMING BACK TO EARTH, OR THOU SHALT SURELY DIE.”

It was not the first time. He’d been hearing and seeing things since childhood. (Not long after this vision, he saw hundreds of flying saucers.) He went to tell his friend Susan about hearing God. Susan was a Christian Jew so Tony knew she would relate. To make a long story short, they got married, and went into the ministry, preaching to hippies in the ‘60s. They also sold rhinestone jackets, a fitting gig for a preacher who then looked like Disco Stu.

Behind the scenes things were getting freaky. Inside compounds, Alamos who dedicated their life to Tony were increasingly cut off from the outside, and trained to believe that everyone else but them worshipped Satan. Using beatings, brainwashing, starvation, deprivation, sex, and other hallmarks of cult tactics, Tony managed to maintain a hive of worker bees, and a constant supply of children with whom God told him to sleep. Those who tried to even use a phone without permission, were beaten half to death.

One ex-Alamo reported in Los Angeles’ Press Argus, “The living conditions were disgusting. We slept body to body in sleeping bags on the floor
 The bathroom conditions were worse. The toilets were always full because we were told that if we flushed them, the leaching field wouldn’t hold it all. So about every two or three days they were flushed 
 water was always cold. I took a shower about once a week.”

It Ain’t Over ‘til It’s Over

Pullquote: Tony told his people that his wife was going to be resurrected. 24 hour prayer around her corpse was everyday life for six months.

It gets even weirder. Susan died in 1982 of cancer, and Tony told his people that she was going to be resurrected. 24 hour prayer around her corpse was everyday life for six months. Eventually, the law ordered her coffin sealed, but the Alamos still kept vigil at her mountaintop casket. It was more than a decade before Susan’s family was able to locate and procure her body for burial.

Tony was outspoken about government conspiracies against him. He was very paranoid, but the reality was that the FBI was indeed following him. After all, he committed frauds and tax evasions of nearly 20 million dollars. Now Tony claims he is just another persecuted follower of Christ, imprisoned for the gospel.

He says the government raided and kidnapped the cult children. The judge “ordered that all the Christian children of my church should be taken from their parents and be adopted out to homosexuals, lesbians, child molesters, and numerous other wicked and satanic, obnoxious people.” This same government brainwashed the victims, too. “Deprogramming is a nice word for hypnosis, brainwashing, mind-control, voodoo, black magic. Their testimony is not to be believed because it is not true, and they are not in their right mind. They are under a hateful spell of witchcraft.”

He says he will continue to shepherd his flock from behind bars.

Pat Robertson: A Diamond in the Rough

by Lorette C. Luzajic
Part 18 of the Pillars of Faith series

No Joke

Pat RobertsonSkewering Pat Robertson, The Most Dangerous Man in America, in 700 words or less is no easy task. Where does one begin? Books, like the above by Robert Boston, have already been written, and there may not be enough trees to cover all the facts.

On top of that, Pat hides his sins easily in broad daylight, bumbling his way through fundie TV so we assume no one takes him seriously. Hasn’t everyone been rolling their eyes at the mere mention of the 700 Club for decades now?

I’ve been recently called out for my mean-spirited attacks on these poor, innocent, easy targets who are so woefully misled and far out that they threaten no one. Who listens to some jerk blaming immigrants and other heathens and homos for hurricanes, who calls them “termites” and calls for a “Godly fumigation”? Clearly, anyone who famously states that women seeking equality are actually socialists looking to “leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians” is a joke and nothing more. Pat’s prophecies have come and gone with the wind, and his conspiracy theories about the Illuminati and Masons were nowhere near as riveting as Dan Brown’s.

Blood Diamonds

But it’s no joke. Marion “Pat” Robertson is an extremely influential man in matters that extend beyond spirituality and blundering racist faux pas. He has a political agenda, twisted morals, huge media power, insatiable thirst for money at all costs, tremendous business acumen, and influential henchman saturating every aspect of American life, from dieting to banking to war. And then there’s the little matter of blood diamonds.

I encourage all of you to look up Pat’s proclamations on the evil Hindus, Satanic atheists, homosexual Scots, the “rightful” dominion of Christians (but only some kinds of Christians), the evils of yoga,  the voice of God as special immunity for people blowing up abortion clinics, his calls for various assassinations of leaders he doesn’t like, and how his own half-million dollar racehorse had nothing to do with gambling, which he speaks against. And how “Women should listen and learn quietly and submissively.” Or how the special energy shake God used to nourish him made him capable of 2,000-lb leg presses, nearly 1.5 times the power of the world record champion.

The Elephant in the Room

But these sheer idiocies with which we cull hilarious lists really detract from the sinister reality behind the scenes. The media mogul formed the first Christian Broadcast Network and today pumps his belligerent 700 Club mumblings to a million people a day. Other programming goes around the world in some 50 languages. Founder of the Christian Coalition for America, The American Center for Law and Justice, and big wig at the Moral Majority and umpteen other rhetoric-spewing think tanks, Pat’s putting your grandma’s money toward making sure justice exists only for his approved brand of Christians and no one else. (And for his private jets.) Pat’s ties to, funding for, support of, and influence on political players is huge. He has been involved in politics himself, and is extremely influential in pushing his creationist, dominionist, racist, anti-women, anti-progress agenda from behind the scenes.

What a Relief

Pat has close business ties to shady political figures linked to genocidal warfare. Indeed, he’s a good friend of Zaire’s (now Congo) Mobutu SĂ©sĂ© Seko. Mobutu was the totalitarian dictator of Zaire from ’65 to ’97, a man especially fond of public executions for anyone whom he didn’t like.  Pat sunk some 8 million into blood diamond mining, given permission to mine by his friend Charles Taylor, Liberian warlord. (Pat has said that the investment was for “evangelism.” Riiiiight.) Taylor has recently been arrested after living in hiding, and faces 11 charges for war crimes, including arming, funding, and instructing rebels to pillage, rape, steal, and hack off people’s arms and legs over diamonds. Even Bush was against Taylor, and Pat lambasted him for not supporting Taylor, a “Baptist, Christian president.”

Considering that Pat’s “Operation Blessing” supposedly helps genocide and war victims in Rwanda, Congo and west Africa, isn’t it a little bit, um, wrong, to invest money in a major cause of said holocausts? Pat came under fire when it was observed that his planes, supposedly carrying refugees toward relief, were actually transporting his mining gear and profits! It was ruled that Pat had indeed diverted donations, but he saved his arse because the planes had a few relief supplies on them.

I don’t know about you, but I prefer my atheist and homo friends over greedy torture-mongers and genocidal maniacs, or preachers who cover their bloody tracks.

Lorette C. Luzajic writes about all kinds of interesting people at Fascinating People.

John Hagee Rides Again

by Lorette C. Luzajic
Part 17 of the Pillars of Faith series

Marching to Zion

john-hageeFire and brimstone is alive and well. The San Antonio church, Cornerstone, boasts 19,000 members, and the ministry telecast spans 160 TV stations and some 50 radio stations.

Though his disparaging comments against women, gays, blacks and pagans raise few eyebrows among fundamentalists, Hagee’s militant pro-Israel stance is controversial. He believes Jews have a special arrangement with God and don’t need the blood of the lamb like the rest of us. Hagee defends Zionism, calls for war with Iran, decries Palestine, and fights anti-Semitism, earning “humanitarian” awards from Israel.

Hagee blames those cult-y Catholic Christians for the world’s historic hatred toward Jews. The Catholic Church (“the Great Whore”) and Hitler were in conspiratorial cahoots with the Devil.

But wait! The Jews may be God’s chosen, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t on this lunatic’s list of derision. After all, they brought the holocaust on themselves, in an ancient curse by God for perpetual idol worshipping. Despite the tragic torture and death of millions, Hitler was heroic, fulfilling Zion by driving the Jews back to Israel where they belong! Hagee’s eager for nuclear war to erupt out of Israel, because that is a pre-requisite for Christ’s return.

The Book of Revelation

Pullquote: Gay marriage will open to door to incest, polygamy and every conceivable marriage arrangement demented minds can possibly conceive.
John Hagee

If Hagee sounds confused, it’s ‘cause we don’t understand the finer points of the Good Book. Though Hagee rails against the witchcraft of Harry Potter, he’s all for prophecy, speaking in the tongues of angels, miracles, and white winged horses. Though the man’s many prophecies have failed to come true, that’s because God changed fate in the few seconds beforehand, ever merciful.

“The signs of his coming are very clear
 If you listen closely, you can hear the hoof beats of the four horsemen of the apocalypse, racing toward to battle of Armageddon,” he says.

Climate change heralds the end times. “All hurricanes are acts of God 
 New Orleans had a level of sin that was offensive to God,” he said about Katrina. Katrina cancelled a “homosexual parade.”

“Gay marriage will open to door to incest, polygamy and every conceivable marriage arrangement demented minds can possibly conceive. If God does not then punish America, he will have to apologize for Sodom and Gomorrah.” John makes no mention of the bald fact clearly written in my scriptures: that gang rape of the virgin daughters was the best way to show hospitality, and that making it with daddy in a cave while drunk was a wholesome way to spend the evening as a family.

Thoroughly Modern Millie

Pullquote: That Hagee was unfaithful to his wife, ditched her, and married a younger woman from his congregation isn’t something he brings up often.

“Christians don’t steal or lie, they don’t get divorced or have abortions.” That Hagee was unfaithful to his wife, ditched her, and married a younger woman from his congregation isn’t something he brings up often. But he’s NOT embarrassed to talk about his indulgent lifestyle — his ranches, gun lockers, barns, lodges, smoke houses and mansions. His own salary is among the highest of any nonprofit CEO — over a million per annum, plus benefits of every kind. He has had to answer to the IRS and some Christian finance watchdogs for his lavish lifestyle and for laundering his book royalties through his nonprofit ministry. But he doesn’t much care how close you look. “I deserve every dime I’m getting,” he says. “Poverty is caused by sin and disobeying the word of god.”

But his hatred of homos and tightwads pales in comparison to how he feels about women.

“Do you know the difference between a woman with PMS and a snarling Doberman pinscher? The answer is lipstick,” he wrote in one of his page-turners. But his sermons are more lively: “God paints the portrait of the ideal woman 
 she is a mother. If a secular humanist…made a picture
of the thoroughly modern Millie, it would be with a cigarette dangling out of her mouth
 language that would make a sailor blush 
 breath that smells like a brewery
 a condom in one hand and the feminist manifesto in another listing the local abortion clinics…”

Every good fundie knows that women have no use but sex and childbearing — Tertullian, Augustine, Knox, Calvin, and Hagee have all said so. But even the staunchest inerrancy folk are pretty sure in 2009 that black people have souls and are not work mules for the white fat cat. But not Hagee. At a Cornerstone Church fundraiser for high school seniors, he advertised, “Slavery in America is returning to Cornerstone!” Tipping his hat to the idyllic past we’ve let slip out from under us, Hagee’s “slave auction” was just that added touch of class. One has to wonder who saddles the horses and fetches the mint juleps on his 8,000-acre ranch.

Lorette C. Luzajic writes about all kinds of interesting people at Fascinating People.

Speak of the Devil: Bob Larson Does Reality TV

by Lorette C. Luzajic
Part 16 of the Pillars of Faith series

The Demon Test

Bob LarsonIt was only a matter of time: exorcism, live on television. Bob Larson is The Real Exorcist, making the world a better place by scaring evil spirits away. The program follows a ministry of vinyl burning, anti-rock crusading, expertise on Satanic abuse, cults, and demon possession (just like his friend Mike Warnke from last week.) Demons lurk all around — in earthquakes, in mental illness, and especially in those who criticize his work. Bob is, after all, “Doing What Jesus Did.”

If you’re unaware of the demon haunted world, head to his website where you, too, can take The Demon Test. If you’ve ever been anorexic or depressed, committed immoral acts, abused alcohol, felt anger, been molested, had a phobia, failed to experience trust in a relationship, or had health or financial issues, you’re at risk.

Don’t worry though — forking over enough cash will fix you. Pastor Bob doesn’t even try to disguise his greed. He expects your “gifts” to start at $50, and hopes they’ll start at $500. You can join the church for a minimum of $99 annually, which means you’ll “help lead the End Times revival,” and you’ll be able to minister to friends who are “tormented by demons and the devil.” But to be SURE, it’s best to get the 12-week course, only $2,700.

Porn in the U.S.A.

Pullquote: Teenagers would fornicate to his music, driven by demonic lust. That none of his peers recall anything other than a school band on a church stage is simply the devil’s work on public memory.

Bob was born in ’44 in Nebraska. What happened next, no one really knows. Apparently he was a guitarist in a mega hit rock band, and that’s how he learned firsthand about the voodoo conspiracy the African drumbeat held for our souls. Teenagers would fornicate to his music, driven by demonic lust. That none of his peers recall anything other than a school band on a church stage is simply the devil’s work on public memory. Bob also left a promising future in medicine when called to the ministry, but no one can unearth any evidence of said intention or of med school. It seems he was a college dropout.

Bob started writing about rock’s Satanic lyrics, including the pervasive lust in “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” by the Beatles, and the sinister “Hotel California,” which of course meant Hell. But this was just not salacious enough, and by the mid-80s, he moved on to what has been called Christian Porn. Ever more explicit than lusty staples like Juggs or Penthouse, Dead Air and sequels detailed naughty wonders like eating and puking up a live cat, or being sewn up inside a dead horse. Allegedly, they are the true story of ritual Satanism, as much a staple of the ‘80s as shoulder pads and Boy George.

Scandal and controversy has plagued Bob for most of his career, and debunkers have been hot on his trail for some 20 years. Former employees speak out, and actors exorcised repeatedly from town to town have long been exposed. Tax audit problems drove some of Bob’s bookkeeping here into Canada. And while he earns millions per year, he sees no shame in claiming the church is on the verge of closing.

It’s Just That Old Black Magic

Pullquote: Bob has said in all seriousness that many demons have “impersonated” him, which is the most creative not guilty plea I’ve ever heard.

But worst of all is Bob’s racism. Curses and possessions are usually from African or Native Indian ancestry. Satan binds natives who haven’t forgiven the white man. Natives who haven’t renounced their family ceremonies and rites are portals of Baphomet. At one seminar, wrote reporter John Cody, Bob blatantly blamed a teen sex offender’s “demons” on his race. “Surprise, surprise, we find out that the mother was of Cree Indian origin.”

That same day, Cody writes, another man’s demons were blamed on his ancestral treatment of the poor white man. “You need to say, ‘I, Joe, on behalf of my ancestors, ask forgiveness for our slaughter of the innocent white, especially the babies, whose heads we dashed against rocks. I renounce my native blood!’”

Everything else evil originated in Africa, so just being black puts you at risk.

There’s no reason to shy away from bad publicity. Bob blames Beelzebub. Bob has said in all seriousness that many demons have “impersonated” him, which is the most creative not guilty plea I’ve ever heard.

An irrelevant, but interesting aside: in addition to an opulent lifestyle surrounded by real estate, paintings, porcelain, carvings, and ivory, a 1990 finance affidavit noted that Bob was the proud owner of $8,000 worth of taxidermy.

Lorette C. Luzajic writes about all kinds of interesting people at Fascinating People.