10 Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Jesus

November 16, 2011 By 38 Comments

10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.

9. Beer doesn’t tell you how to have sex.

8. Beer has never caused a major war.

7. They don’t force Beer on minors who can’t think for themselves.

6. When you have a Beer, you don’t knock on people’s doors trying to give it away.

5. Nobody’s ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of Beer.

4. You don’t have to wait 2,000+ years for a second Beer.

3. There are laws saying Beer labels can’t lie to you.

2. You can prove you have a Beer.

1. If you’ve devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop.

(source)

Filed Under: Humor, Jesus, Jokes 38 Comments

QotD: What's Your Favorite Joke?

April 19, 2010 By 223 Comments

Since we’re still dealing with the last joke’s aftermath, I thought this would be a good question of the day:

What’s your favorite joke?

Warning: If you’re a sensitive person, stay out of the comments — unless you like being offended (but if so, you don’t need to tell us).

Filed Under: Jokes, Questions 223 Comments

Americans Always Do Things Wrong

April 18, 2010 By 249 Comments

Here’s a joke about Americans I found on the internets a few days ago:

* * *

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.

The war weary soldier asked, “Please, ma’am, may I sit in that seat?” The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, “You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can’t you see my Little Fifi is using that seat?”

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, “Please, lady. May I sit there? I’m very tired.”

The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, “You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!”

The soldier didn’t say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, “You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you’ve thrown the wrong bitch out the window.”

(source)

Filed Under: Jokes, Politics 249 Comments

"I Can't Effing Swear at God"

April 17, 2009 By 23 Comments

bikerHere’s a joke sent in by Len Simmons:

A biker was known by everyone in the neighborhood for swearing at everything — it was always effing this, effing that. Effing life, effing weather, effing girlfriend, effing job, effing car, effing wife (because she found out about the effing girlfriend), effing religion, effing eff!

One day a clergy member heard him swearing and listened to his ranting for a while. The clergyman noticed something strange — in all the biker’s swearing he never once swore at God. Everything else was fair game, but never God.

The clergyman went up to the biker and said, “My son, I’ve been listening to the way you speak about everything — how you swear at the slightest provocation, with no regard to the feelings of people around you. But you never swear at God. I believe that means there is core of goodness and light in you, even if you don’t realise it yourself.”

The biker replied, “Who the eff are you to say that about me? You don’t effing know me, you don’t effing know what my life is like, you know effing nothing. Leave me the eff alone.”

But the clergyman pressed on. “My son, why don’t you swear at God? With all the anger inside of you, I’d almost expect you to.”

The biker looked at him and said “I can’t effing swear at God.”

“But why not, unless there’s a spark of light in you?”

“Because He’s ineffable.”

Filed Under: Christianity, Humor, Jokes 23 Comments